Romantic comedies have been around for years now and it’s hard not to fall for their charms. Large apartments, amazing friends, and finding love in the end is the typical formula, but we love them anyway. However, these movies place unrealistic expectations on men and everyone knows it.
#1 Destroying Relationships
As a woman answering this, if you say "just go" and walk away, he will never turn around and run after you. He will never shout "Wait!" and run through the pouring rain. He will slowly turn the car around and drive away and try to deal with his heartbreak. That never gets someone to "prove their love," it just destroys relationships
#2 Stop Trying
If, for whatever reason, you say "no” to me, then the answer is no. Get it through your head that I'm going to stop trying. I'm not going to spend the next week trying to convince you otherwise. That would be called harassment. This is easily one of the most infuriating things I’ve had to go through with relationships.
#3 Confessing Feelings
I know this happens a lot in romantic comedies, but I’d have to say it’s when someone goes to confess feelings to someone already in a relationship. It seems like a lot of movies make this seem like the honorable thing to do for some reason. But, if I’m being honest, I've never actually seen it work out in real life.
#4 A Fine Line
If I go and ask you out and you tell me no, I won’t interpret it as “playing coy” or “being hard to get.” When you say no, that’s what it means to me. So, I’ll just be polite and leave you alone. The line between “persistent” and “stalker” is a fine one that I don’t have the time or energy to dabble with nowadays.
#5 Lavish Lifestyles
Oh my God, the ridiculously lavish lifestyles and impossible jobs these people have. No one is living in a 4000 square foot mansion in Santa Barbara working as a flower shop owner who only works two hours a week so the rest of her time can be available for romantic misunderstandings. Who honestly believes that?
#6 I’ll Be Ready Soon
In college, I was casually dating a girl, but I wanted a relationship. When she told me she wouldn’t be ready for a year or two, I started seeing other girls as well. Again, casually. Well, she found out I was going on dates with other people, and freaked out. Her words: “I was going to be ready in like a week!” Back off with that manipulative nonsense.
#7 Without Fail
Expecting us to constantly express how much we miss them when they go on trips. Without fail, every time my girlfriend goes out of town on business, she starts texting me how much she misses me and starts asking if I miss her. No, I don't miss you. We haven't seen each other in 12 hours. This is like every other day. Do I love you? Yes. Do I miss you? No. I'm in my boxers playing Destiny 2 , trolling your dogs with fake door knocks and enjoying not cleaning up the house.
#8 Fancy Dinners
You know how in some comedy romantic movies a couple will go out to a fancy dinner and the man will be really nervous? Then he’ll kind of confess a secret to the woman and it turns out she has the same secret? And then it ends up being something that brings them closer together? Well, I can't remember the last time I could afford to go out to a fancy dinner, so just forget about that part all together.
#9 Break it Off
Stop. Playing. Games. Have I upset you in some way? Is it obvious I’m unaware I’ve upset you? Don’t just go out of your way to ignore me for three days until I send “is something wrong?” Just say something. “Hey, you did this and it upset.” Okay, I’m sorry. I won’t do it again. Boom. Problem solved, no games.
If you don’t fully 100% trust me, break up with me. Don’t play silly games that lead to self-fulfilled prophecies. If you can’t fully trust me, I don’t want to date you. I know that I’m very loyal and trustworthy to my partners. I’ve never even cheated emotionally, let alone physically. So do us both a favor, if you don’t trust me, break it off.
#10 Rash Decisions
One time, I had someone tell me to leave them. I basically just took her apartment key off my keyring, handed it to her and walked out. I found out later she didn't mean it, but by then I was (thankfully) over the heartbreak and didn't do anything rash. This was less her "testing me" and more her making a rash decision that she ended up regretting. She isn't a bad person, and I've been in touch with her from time to time for a while, but I explained it to her this way later on, that life isn't a Hollywood movie. I think she's since sought help and is doing better.
#11 Real-Life Complications
Some guy confessed his love for my ex while we were together. She never thought of him that way before and was caught off guard. After he told her how he felt, we were never the same. She never made me feel that she thought of anyone else that way while dating me, but she was so indecisive that she couldn’t tell him no. We broke up after three years of dating and she dated him for a year. Since I wasn’t a “bad guy” like in the movies, it wasn’t easy on her seeing me hurt by dating him. It’s much more complicated in real life.
#12 Dudes Who Like Dudes
As a gay man, a lot of women think that I am just a woman with a different reproductive part. A lot of them seem to think that I will like all the things they do just because we both like men. Don’t get me wrong, I'm sure there are some stereotypes that exist. But in general, gay men are just dude who also likes dudes.
#13 Look Like McConaughey
Be charming and attractive despite my many objective faults. In the movie, a man can't get his life together, is kind of rude, but is Matthew McConaughey. In real life, we better get our lives together and not be so rude because we don't look like Matthew McConaughey. Also, we don’t hide secret talents that make us more attractive after we've known you for a while. If I could sing real good, our first date would be a karaoke bar. I wouldn't save that for after you thought I was going to take that promotion across the country and sing for you at your sister's wedding.
#14 Are You Okay?
"Are you alright?" In a sad voice, she'd say yes. So, there's clearly something wrong and there's absolutely no way of me knowing what. And, for some reason, she'll never tell me what's wrong. Please. Just do. It does actually hurt me when I know that there's something wrong and you decide not to tell me about it.
#15 Regular Working Joe
Stop expecting us to have super-cute, adventurous, or exotic jobs. Vets work a lot and can't take time off during the day. Mechanics and construction workers are smelly, dirty, and work long hours and may not make a ton of money. Investment bankers and lawyers are generally rude. A lot of normal guys have normal, boring jobs, but hey. We still have jobs and make decent money!
#16 NYC Setting
When it comes to crazy lifestyles, it’s the worst with things set in NYC. They’re a bookstore cashier and have an apartment in the “bad part of town” that would probably cost upwards of $3000/month if they didn’t have roommates. And their apartment is “so embarrassing” because there is some clothing on the floor and the decor isn’t all from West Elm.
#17 Reaffirm Your Love
A previous relationship got to the point where she would just start being mean to me to see if I would then go into “remorseful apology mode.” She wanted me to reaffirm that I didn't suddenly stop caring about her because she didn't feel I was texting enough or some arbitrary nonsense like that. I got one snarky comment for no reason and instead of taking the cue to beg her forgiveness, I just didn't want to talk to her anymore.
She was so shocked and seemed to be under the impression that my love needed to be unconditional, regardless of how I'm treated. So many of those stupid tests. She finally decided she needed to grow up on her own and learn to be a reasonable partner with someone who hasn't already gone through and learned from that garbage.
#18 Saying No
Women don’t get to unilaterally decide things have progressed to the point of relations. I knew a girl who literally got mad because she spent all this emotional energy working up to the decision to have relations with a guy. But he told her, “Uh, maybe another time but I’m not in the mood right now.” She’d never even considered that would happen. It’s amazing that he also gets to say no.
#19 Romcom Logic
A girl I'd been seeing for a week or two wanted to come over to sleep with me, but showed up late. I was like, "Sorry, I have to go to work.” Romcom logic said, "So? You can be late." Um, no I can't, maybe next time. She slapped me, so I was like, "Cool. That's over. I don't tolerate that". It took weeks to get her off my back.
#20 Respecting What’s There
Confessing feelings to someone in a relationship irks me. My boyfriend's colleague knew him for all of a few days and had a couple of work-related conversations. She messaged him incessantly with no responses, then confessed her feelings to him by text, fully aware he was in a relationship. I can't be mad at someone being interested in him because he's great and you can't help feelings. But at least respect what’s already there. Not only was she unfazed by our relationship, but her own as well seeing as she had a long-term boyfriend. That’s not romantic, it's stupid.
#21 You Need to Accept That
The whole expensive date or unique date ideas I'm a guy, you're presumably alive, let's just get some food and watch a movie and walk around the park. I'm not taking you horseback riding or skydiving or whatever the guy making 50K would do. In the real world, we don't spend four times what we earn and y'all are gonna have to accept that.
#22 Bad Examples
Romantic comedies are probably the worst example of healthy adult relationships I can think of. That's because the point of a movie is to be interesting to the audience. Healthy, well-adjusted relationships are not interesting to anyone but the people in them. Almost nothing that is done in a rom-com is a good idea in real life.
#23 Romance at Ground Level
Decorate the loft building roof with lights and flowers and candles and have food and drink ready for the magical moment when you emerge onto the roof. Or even to have access to a loft building and its roof. Heck, the last loft building I had access to would fine you $500 for going onto the roof. Romance can happen at ground level, you know.
#24 It Was an Accident
Beg for forgiveness and make some monumental gesture after making a huge mistake. Like… have some self-respect. You walked in on me sleeping on a pile of women in a room full of paraphernalia sporting a new face tattoo. It doesn't matter that it's not what it looks like, do you really think it's a great idea to be in a relationship with someone that accidentally happens to?!
#25 Magical Token Character
As a gay man, I will not be able to give you good life advice, a makeover or be able to help you realize that you didn’t need a man. I am not a magical token queer who can solve your problems with some tough talk and some sass. This will also apply for your token lesbian, non-white, plus-size, foreign neighbour or frumpy smart friend. However, we do share a WhatsApp group where we comment on how terrible your choices are between the rich lawyer and the poor singer.
#26 Ultimate Romance King
I hate how some chick flicks portray the guy as some ultimate romance king. They’re constantly making grand gestures and essentially living their entire life for the girl 24/7. I love you, girl. Stop watching movies and getting jealous that I'm not like the guy in your made-up stories. I don't get mad that you're not wearing skintight leather and fighting werewolves.
#27 Say What You Mean
The “just take me, take what you want” attitude. After a couple of shy looks and a smile, I’m not going to pin you up against a wall and kiss you passionately. Additionally, no, I’m not going to know that when you sort of resist certain stuff in bed that you actually just want me to push through and do it anyway.
If you say we’re going to get together but you don’t want to have relations today, I’m not going to take it as a test and then just hulk smash you anyway because I’m just so passionate and can’t resist you. I’m stupid. I’m going to assume the words you say to me are actually what you mean. I’m not going to assault you because that’s “cute.”
#28 On Again, Off Again
I had a girlfriend who habitually broke up with me whenever she was in a bad mood. I put up with it two times and talked her down each time. By the third, I said, "You clearly don't like me very much for you to keep dumping me." She broke down in tears, telling me to leave and said that I was supposed to fight for her and prove how much I loved her. L
Um, what are you talking about? I left and she blew my phone up screaming that she couldn’t believe I just "broke up with her and left." How am I honestly supposed to ever know what she wants if I can't take her at face value? She broke up, didn't mean it, then told me to leave, and didn't mean it again, apparently.
#29 Don’t Leave Me Guessing
Come to your rescue or chase you needlessly. I'm sorry — if the feeling isn't mutual, I'm not going to chase you. If you need help, ask. I can't read minds, and that say-one-thing-and-ask-another doesn't work here. Tell me what it is you want, don't leave me guessing because I don't have time for that nonsense.
#30 I Can Change Him
I'm a woman and I feel like I can answer this pretty accurately. From my point of view, whenever a woman wants to change a man, just no. It’s not happening. He's a former prisoner who hates authority. Your love isn't going to magically turn him into the perfect man who wears khakis and mows the lawn every Sunday.
#31 Chase After You
I’m not about the whole chasing women thing. I’m not going to waste my time pursuing you when I’m not even sure if you’re interested in me. Chances are, you’re actually not, and you’re going to call the police to arrest me. Determination is only for when you’re already in a relationship and something’s wrong.
#32 Straight from TV
I have a real fucking bone to pick with the whole 50 Shades series. The aftermath of it is that quite a few women want a Christian Grey. No ladies, you don't. He didn't consider consent at any time, was emotionally manipulative and toxic, and was controlling. If he wasn't a millionaire, it would be an episode of Criminal Minds .
#33 Date Night
Thinking that every night should be date night. I dated a girl in my early 20s who told me she was bored with our relationship because we only went out one night a week. That is stupid expensive and unnecessary. I tried cooking nightly for her for a while but she was unappreciative, so I ended up cutting her loose.
She wound up marrying some fool who worked offshore and would take her out all the time when he got back from a two-week stint and would blow all of his offshore money on her. Then he got tired of being away all the time and got a local job, but stopped taking her out as much. They quickly got divorced and she contacted me years later saying how sorry she was. Sucks for her.
#34 Valentine’s Day Poem
My girlfriend in my first year of university asked me to write her an original love poem for Valentine's Day. I already had plans arranged and I’m not much of a poet, so I disregarded her request. She never got over it. What’s the point of demanding a poem? It seems like something that you really shouldn’t fake. Maybe it’s just me.
#35 Keeping the Friends
I had an online date try to make me fight for her. Long story short, she got mad at me for talking to her friends at a party (instead of her) she brought me to. She then walked out of the party, leaving me with a group of people I just met. One of the girls was like, "She wants you to go after her" in order to prove that I was into her. I said, "Yeah, no, I'm not doing that. I just met her and she's already acting crazy.” So I stayed at the party and got to keep all her friends.
#36 Changing Perspectives
A lot of the most beloved love stories on television just seem like glorified affairs to me. The Office is a good example. Jim actively talks smack about Pam's boyfriend and subtly tries to undermine their relationship, and Pam is dishonest with Roy to say the least. Roy was rude, sure, but Pam was no angel and Jim knew exactly what he was doing. I even thought it was this amazing story myself until I watched the series again with my mom and she became increasingly disgusted with how Pam acted behind Roy's back. I looked at it again and it really changed my perspective.
#37 Cute Surprises
As a woman, don’t show up unexpectedly all the time. It’s not cute. There are some instances where it can be okay. For example, if I text you and say, “I miss you, I wish you were in town” and you show up with the, “I’m in town! I brought you Taco Bell and wine” thing, that’s okay. Don’t show up if I tell you that I don’t want to see you.
I declined hanging out with a dude that I had been seeing for a few weeks and I actually really liked him. There was no reason other than I wanted to take a shower and be lazy with my snacks, Netflix and mud mask. I came out of the shower into my pitch-black living room and the guy was sitting on the couch. I was immediately done after that. Not all surprises are cute.
#38 Long-Term Relationships
Speak your feelings clearly. If you're unhappy in the relationship, tell me before you find someone who will make you happy. And don't go into a long-term relationship expecting near-constant fireworks only to be disappointed once when we get comfortable together. Time goes on and sometimes I'd rather sit at home and watch a movie with you than go out and do something romantic every other day.
#39 Stroking the Ego
When I make the first move and the girl shies away because she wants to see "how much I want it." If you turn me down, that's it. I’m done. I’m not going to chase and pine over you like a lovesick teenager. I worked up the courage to be the first one to take a step and I’m not about to tread into stalker territory because the woman wants me to stroke her ego.
#40 Bad for Everyone
Stop expecting to "change" the arrogant, mean guy. He's an arrogant person and there's a good chance he'll be that for you too. Even if you're "special" to him, his personality is bound to come out when you fight or behind your back or towards your friends, family and so on. Remember that bad people are bad for everyone.
#41 Expensive Things
Thinking expensive wedding rings are useful. Would you want multiple extravagant vacations or some small rock that looks worse than a lab diamond that costs a fraction of the price? Look up moissanite, people. They’re way better than real diamonds. Expensive weddings, too. The same thing applies for just one day.
#42 The Beauty Scale
The only thing that comes to mind is guys saying that they don't deserve the girl. Okay. Maybe sometimes that is. But so many times, the guys are funny, kind of rich and just really good people. Meanwhile, the girl is a witch with a low-income job. Oh, but yes. The guy doesn't deserve the girl because she is 9/10 while he is just a 6/10 on the beauty scale.
#43 La La Land
Complete attention. Running at the drop of a dime to save the dame. Most men have jobs or businesses that they absolutely cannot steer away from. We get it, something is going on, but a chipped nail is not going to be excusable to my boss. Also, 100% attention to the phone thing, most jobs are physically demanding and super involved. So, if you expect an immediate response to an especially idiotic text, then congrats. You are officially in La La Land.
#44 Fairy Tale Fate
Stop thinking that relationships are determined by some pseudo-fate. Don’t believe that people are meant to be together and if you're meant for each other then it will work out. Relationships are successful because of a lot of things; love, respect, perseverance, dedication and hard work. But this fairy tale fate is not one of them.
#45 Putting in the Work
Expecting me to transform into some super charismatic heartthrob in peak physical condition thanks to all the “work” they’ve put into me. I’m a nerd. I like being a nerd. I’m kind of awkward and I only work out enough to ensure that I don’t pass away before the age of 70. That’s what you’re signing up for here.
#46 Hard to Get
Stop playing hard to get. It's not fun in any way. I never know if you're playing or just not interested. I have this girl who is a really good friend of mine and one of my best friends had this major crush on her years ago. He wrote her a letter, took her to dances, took her to dates and everything. She always said she only wanted to be friends.
It really broke his heart, but he got over it and found a nice girl. A few months ago, I was with the girl he used to like, hiking with her. We were talking about old high school friends and I asked, "Do you still talk to my best friend?" She said, "No, not anymore. I really liked him, but he just gave up on trying one day.” For the sake of the friendship, I let it go. But how was he supposed to know?!
#47 Fight For Me
I'm a woman, but was in a relationship with another woman who tried to get me to gaslight me. She just said maybe we should break up. I don't remember my wording in response but it suggested, "If that's what you want, I accept your choice." She said she was upset I didn't "fight" for her! I was like, “Girl, if someone wants to walk out of my life, I'm not stopping them. I want to be with someone who wants to be with me of their own free will, not because I nagged them into it." She didn't really try that again, but the rest of the relationship was garbage.
#48 Lower Your Standards
Be perfect, or at least flawless. You go ahead and hold out for the emotionally available, yet stoic, 6'2" bodybuilder by day, painter by night with a six-figure income and all those creature comforts that men wouldn't even bother with if it weren't for women. I hope you like cats, neon-dyed hair, and asking to speak to managers. We'll be over here if you decide at some point to gain some perspective and adopt some more appropriate standards.
#49 Wait for Me
The idea that men will wait for her if they really love her. I had a girl tell me she wanted to break up so that she could go party and not feel guilty or worry about bad choices while she was partying. I told her that was fine and that we could break up. She then demanded that I not date or sleep with anyone while I waited for her, which I declined.
She got really upset and said that Noah would have done that for Ally. I had to explain to her that The Notebook wasn't a true story and that life didn't work out that way. She decided to not break up because she couldn't go be gross with me on the back burner like she wanted. I was an idiot for not ending it there.
#50 Empty Gestures
In my opinion, I’d have to say that it’s when women want you to consistently buy flowers and jewelry. Withering plants and overpriced rocks are not a good investment in my mind. I'll buy something thoughtful or meaningful, but I'm not going to spend money on empty gestures that anyone off the street could buy.
