3. Movie Magic
I'm an artist who works in the film industry. Some years ago, my wife got pregnant (purposefully) and I had to try to find a way to make more reliable income while she was on maternity leave and for the foreseeable future, as we knew we weren't only having one. I also wanted to stay in film. So I got work as a grip. It was grunt work lugging things around set and building/setting up large bits of lighting gear.
I had no clue what I was doing. I started off on big shows like The Flash and Arrow. A friend got me work on a small set and only 13 days into working as a grip, which I didn't tell them, they made me the key grip. “Key” is film talk for “Manager.” I was in charge of a whole department, which is one half of the lighting team. Faked it until I made it! Fast forward over five years.
I have over 30 credits to my name as a key grip. I own an entire five-ton truck’s-worth of gear that I rent out, which makes as much money per show as my wage did. Things worked out OK. My wife is back at work after having two kids and I'm a stay-at-home dad with consistent passive income and the time to continue to write and audition whenever I need.
4. Hacking the System
I'd always been interested in programming. As a kid, I tried to teach myself C and Java with mild success. Fast forward to the time I'm 24. I'm working as a piercing apprentice at a tattoo shop making $20/day a few days per week. I meet a girl, fall for said girl, girl ends up pregnant...A few hours after the pregnancy test, I'm applying for jobs.
While on Craigslist, I find a PHP job a few minutes up the road. I've worked with PHP for maybe a few hours in my entire life, but it was a tiny company and the interview wasn't technical. I lied through my teeth the entire time and got hired. After being hired, I tried to start learning PHP while I was just on the job.
The owner of the company created his own PHP framework, which was GOD AWFUL, so I couldn't figure it out for the life of me. I got fired two weeks later. In those two weeks on the job, I made an honest effort to learn more about web design and development, so I then offered my "design" services to a local web design company for free so that I could learn. Walking home after being fired, I called up the web design company and they ended up hiring me.
I would learn on the job for a year or so and then take my skills to get more money somewhere else. 10 years later, I'm the lead software engineer on a big project making just over six figures. If a pregnancy test hadn't scared me to death that day, I would still be working dead end jobs to scrape up enough money.
5. Company Man
I started at a big ol’ multinational in retail as a college dropout. I started at the lowest rung of customer service in a store. Now, retail has lots and lots of staff turnover. And a multinational has a ton of rules, or you’d expect them to have. Also, I’m not the dumbest around (never mind the college dropout, that’s another story) and not everyone in retail is super smart.
So there was a consistent lack of management (or they didn’t care) and all the rules and regulations had gaps in them. So people start asking questions: How do I solve this? What should I do next? etc. Nobody had an answer to these questions, so I started answering them using common sense or what I thought should work.
Just filling the gaps, which probably made me look a lot smarter than I am. Totally faking that I knew what I was doing. So I started climbing the ladders and I am now the Senior Finance and Operations Director for a store with a gross turnover of over 160 million euros. HOWEVER, the cracks are starting to show. The company got a lot more serious and I’m surrounded by smart people with high degrees where I can’t bluff my way through problems and meetings as easily.
So, I’m thinking of taking a step back and relaxing a bit more on lower position. I was a lot happier then and had way less stress and way less hours.
6. The Big Cheese
During college, I worked part-time as a deli clerk in a grocery store. I had zero experience with deli items—didn't know head cheese from salami, or provolone from muenster. So, I'd explain to customers that I was new and ask them to point to items in the case that they wanted and what the sign indicated for the price per pound.
They always seemed happy to help out—especially when I gave them "free samples" from the slicing machine.
7. Talk Yourself Up
I was desperate for a job several years back, so I wrote up this resume that was utter horse poop on a whim. Granted, some of it was legit, but a good 80% was me making it up. Amazingly enough, I got a call for an interview and by some miracle, they ended up hiring me. I worked for the place for seven years before something I was actually qualified for work that opened up at another place.
That awful resume saved me from ruin, though, so I always will look back at that crazy situation fondly.
8. Animal Instincts
I'm painfully shy and terrified of speaking in front of people. A few years ago, I started volunteering at my local animal shelter and would always sign up for a time slot before the shelter opened to the public so I wouldn't have to deal with people. I kept getting assigned new volunteers to show them the ropes because my time slot was when it was quiet and there wouldn't be interruptions.
I really, extremely, didn't want to deal with people, but I went ahead anyway because it meant I got my own kennel key. I was nervous as heck and didn't know what I was doing but plowed ahead anyway. Then I got the hang of it. Now, four years later, I'm one of the leads, and I have access to restricted areas of the shelter.
I'm also one of only two volunteers allowed to update the animals' notes on the shelter site, and I'm highly respected and considered a role model. I'm still terrified. Proud, but terrified.
9. Filing This One Away
I had this file thing back in elementary school where you had to put all your worksheets into a folder, and my teacher was supposed to check it at the end of the year. Well…I did not do it at all. Instead, I convinced her that I handed it in, but she'd somehow lost it. She said she would get back to me...and I’m still waiting.
10. All the Right Moves
Last weekend, I was at a wedding dance and they played "The Git Up." No one knew the dance, including myself, but liquid encouragement kicked in and I lead the entire wedding dance (50+ people) in a dance that I completely made up on the spot. Everyone was so impressed by how I "knew all of the moves" that I didn't tell anyone any different.
11. Social Butterfly
Social Anxiety. I was always the quiet guy up until a few years ago. I decided I was tired of not having friends and I started faking confidence and talking to everyone. In the beginning, I was dying inside and felt like I was walking on glass. Now I don’t know when to shut up and can talk to just about anyone.
12. Art Imitates Art
Not even going to lie, I used to trace other people’s art SO OFTEN as a young artist (like 8-10) but now, I have that guidance of technique with me when I create my own pieces.
13. Insuring Success
When I was younger, I used to randomly apply for jobs out of curiosity. Worked at a ton of places. Junkyard, machine shop, security, etc. Well, one job I applied for was an analytical position at a small insurance company. I have absolutely zero experience in any office setting except a call center, and was not qualified for the job at all.
My resume was 100% lies. I even made up the name of the college. Well, they hired me. The place was so disorganized that I essentially just kind of talked my way into it. The people interviewing me didn't even know what position it was for. They paid me $60,000 a year. Three times what I had ever made. I was 19 and absolutely rolling in money.
I even had a little office. I didn't really know what I was supposed to be doing, so I just kind of flew under the radar. My parents thought it was hilarious. I was literally making as much money as my dad, who was a metallurgical engineer. Unfortunately, it didn't last long. A larger company bought us out, mined the company, and fired everyone.
I stole a couple of laptops on my way out. One of the guys I worked with also talked someone into giving him one of the company cars, a super nice BMW.
14. We’ll Do It Live
A few years ago, my class had to write an essay about an important moment in our lives and read it in front of the whole class. When it was my friend’s turn, he went up and did his speech, like normal. Then the teacher asked him to turn it in, and he said he didn’t have it. Turns out that he never wrote one and just made it up on the spot.
15. You Aren’t Getting Very Sleepy
I was on the stage for a hypnotist and didn’t get hypnotized, but I decided to go along with it.
16. The Best of Both Worlds
My undergrad major required a senior project. The Honors College program I was in also required a senior project. Because my major was a pretty common one, the major and the Honors College allowed students in my major to combine and do one project instead of two. The project for my major required 400 hours of work/participation with a mentor, and the presentation of the final project.
I was also required to present my project in two public forums in order to graduate. Not only did I not get the hours needed, but I also just DIDN'T PRESENT MY PROJECT ANYWHERE. Because I was split between my major and Honors College, I don't think anyone took responsibility for me, and I graduated no problem. Still my best act of mediocrity to date.
17. This is a Test
Well, when I was 16, I managed to fake being sick well enough to fool a doctor. It was end of the year, finals week. I had failed three classes and was at risk of failing philosophy, too. Day of the exam arrives, I wake up late and start to panic. As I run to school, I'm already making up a story about how I woke up feeling sick, the usual stuff.
They say I can only do the exam if I show up with a doctor's note on the same day. Instead of panicking even harder, I don't even go home and instead walk straight to a kind of clinic close to home. I get there after one hour of walking and find out I can only see a doctor for free if I have a partner card, which I didn't have.
After another two hours to get home, getting the documents and making a partner card, I wait another hour in line to get to see a doctor. When my turn arrived, I had already crafted what I thought was a master-level narrative of how I woke up with explosive diarrhea, possibly from eating at a burger place the night before.
It wasn't hard to fake a sick-looking face; I’m very scrawny and hadn't eaten all day at that point. She even measured my blood pressure and confirmed it was awfully low. In the end, she gave me the note, prescribed some medicine, and I did the exam two days later. Passed all the other classes as well. Still one of my proudest moments.
18. The Right Wiring
I was desperate for a job and acted like I had six years of experience in low voltage and IT work. I Youtubed a ton of stuff and went out my first week with a journeyman before they sent me out on my own. He felt comfortable that I knew what I was doing. I now have four years of actual low voltage work and still do it to this day.
I'm making a lot of money now, too. No college degree, no experience except in completely different industries. It really goes to show how much you can work your way into anything. Now I will say, I'm pretty sure one of the veteran guys knew that I was winging it as he helped all the time over the phone with troubleshooting and whatnot, and he never said anything to management.
In the end, my thought process was “What's the worst that's going to happen?” They figure out I don't know anything and fire me, I'm embarrassed for a few minutes as I walk out the door and never see any of them again, so who cares? I suppose since they are somewhat reputable, they could have warned other employers, but at the time not being able to pay rent or afford food I didn't care.
19. Engineering Myself a Job
I went from hospitality at a casino to an engineer by faking my resume. I had general electrical knowledge, but that's it. Within six months, I got promoted and left to a higher-paying job where I constantly felt like the least-experienced engineer telling my engineers how to do their job. Granted, I studied a lot, but my old chief engineer said I was like Leonardo DiCaprio in Catch Me If You Can.
20. Making Bank
I enlisted in the Army in my late 20s and after a couple of deployments to Iraq in my 30s, I decided to make the Army my career. I wasn't particularly "Gung Ho" (I know that's the Marines but a lot of people wouldn't get it if I said I wasn't "Hooah") but I liked being in the Army and I liked the people who I worked with.
Also, people liked to work with me. Eventually, I got wounded and it was one of those "Forrest Gump" type things where I was discharged but not really "messed up." So here I was in my mid-30s with no real civilian work experience going out into the "real world" at the exact same moment that the economy took a nosedive.
I ended up using the GI Bill to go to college, and thanks to a couple of semesters of community college I took before enlisting, I managed to get my BS in Information Science and Technology with a minor in business in three years. After school, I hustled my butt off and took one temp job after another so I could get some experience working in corporate environments.
Somehow, and I'm not sure exactly how it went down, I managed to land one-year contracts with companies that pretty much everyone has heard of. I started out doing basic data entry, which then leads to data analysis, which eventually led me to my career in payroll processing. All of this from some high school drop-out, Gen X slacker who spent most of his 20s working dead-end jobs and singing in a punk band.
When I went to college after the Army, I had no idea how to do stuff with computers. Like, I could surf the Internet and play video games, but that was it. And not counting the Army, my most impressive job title was "Assistant Third Shift Stock Manager" at a grocery store. I managed to fake it until I made it to the point that now companies are calling me to lure me away from my current gig so I can head up their payroll department.
21. Don’t Play Me
Honestly, university overall. I went to one of the more difficult and prestigious universities, but man, I was really not a hard-working student. On the other hand, I was confident and I was good when it came to having relationships and friendships. Don't get me wrong, you are going to have to study and you are going to have sleepless nights even if you schedule everything from the very first minute.
But being confident is the key, I am telling you. Confidence with the knowledge you have. Confident to walk into exams, classes. Confidence to speak up. Be creative, make friends, be kind to professors, a little cockiness never hurts. If you can perfectly balance cockiness, confidence, and kindness, you are going to be saved from a lot of stress.
This one time at uni, I had an exam in a subject that is slightly related to literature, which I had very little interest in. My study method usually consists of me sleeping through the afternoon the day before the exam and waking up at like 3-4 in the morning to revise everything—or as much possible. I wake up, I do the usual method and head to uni to my exam.
There were 18 topics and the last was Ben Jonson, who I had honestly no clue about, so I was like: "Well, having literally zero knowledge on one topic cannot hurt. What are the odds?" I step to the table and yeah, you guessed that right, Ben freaking Jonson. Screw my life, honestly. I felt all the blood just drain from my body.
The professor was notorious for how strict and distant he was. Also, I'd never even had a class with him before, which means no chance of having impressed him once in my life so I could chill for the rest of the semester. As he was handing me a blank paper, where I should supposedly write answers, all I could think of was: "We could have honestly saved this tree, Professor."
It was at the end of spring, and the weather was absolutely beautiful. Next to us is a kindergarten. I’m listening to the laughing of the children, the birds singing along as the sun shines through the windows, giving me that nice and warm feeling on my neck, you know? I swear I have not thought a second about Ben Jonson. Not even a bit.
I was thinking about the lunch I am going to have at my favorite burger place right after the exam, was thinking about the sauce I am gonna choose and about the pretty girl who always tries to chat me up when I’m there. I get called out as the next one to have the oral exam finally, bringing my almost blank paper in with me.
There are only two words written in the top right corner: my name. The professor literally goes like: "Well, that is a promising one." Honestly, I couldn’t even be sad, I just kind of low-key laughed. So basically the only thing I know about him is that he was Shakespeare’s contemporary—which was the only subject-related sentence I said during the whole exam.
After this, we somehow shifted the conversation toward the previous day's Champions League game. We discussed favorite beers, as well as how every girl at the university adores the professor (he is pretty good looking, to be fair). After having said literally one sentence regarding the topic subject, I got a four out of five.
He finished our exam with something like this: “Daniel, you are obviously not dumb. Next time we meet, would you be so kind to at least read the topic once so I can give a five?"
22. French Connection
Doing all my French work in Google translate through my second and third year of high school, hoping to learn how to understand French using the translator.
23. Mrs. Mechanic
I always liked cars. I also happened to like guys who were into cars, and so you can see where this is going...in reality, I was the stereotypical chick who knew nothing. I sucked. I would lie, and talk out my butt, quoting things from my dad or brother, stuff I saw on TV shows and movies and regurgitate anything any other “car dudes” said to me.
Well, this paid off. I listened so much, trying to memorize things, that I started to pick up on what was actually being said. I started learning when watching TV shows, not just kind of haphazardly listening to them. I started working on my own car with my dad. Fast forward a few years later, I get hired by a tire shop for a busy season.
I walk into the shop with my basic minimal skills—and I end up being able to do the stuff, surprisingly learning quickly and doing it well. I can change an entire car’s tires, on rim to off rim to on rim, and balance and back on your car in 45 minutes. Power tools were scary at first, but now I absolutely love them.
24. Just Keep Swimming
When I was in Marine Boot Camp, you had to do a swim qualification. You jumped off a high board, floated, and had to swim half the length of the pool to get the lowest qualification. I did a good job going off the high board, and the floating, however, I touched the bottom of the pool during my swim. We were told that if we failed, to walk right back to the locker room and not check in at the desk. As I walked past the desk, the DI said, "Hey numbnuts, you passed, you check in with me." So I checked in, and the next day I did Swim Qual day 2.
This was a little more advanced...I failed it immediately. As I walked back, the same guy said, "You must be stupid, let me guess, infantry? Check in, so I can put you in for Swim Qual 3. So I checked in. I went all the way to Swim Qual 4, without ever passing Swim Qual 1.
25. Straight Shooter
In my school, there was an inter-house rifle shooting competition being held, and I wanted to go but I didn't get selected. Even though I knew this, I went to team practice anyways and the teacher for some reason didn't even care. On the day of the tournament, my team came second.
26. Don’t Google Me
I lied on my resume. Got a job at Google when I was 21. I'm almost 27 now, and have a great career in the tech industry—and a real resume.
27. Dressing for Me
Confidence. I was the fat weird kid in middle and elementary school. I hated myself, hated my body, hated life in general. Eventually, I started seeing Ashley Graham and Tess Holiday in my newsfeeds, and I saw how they were bigger women absolutely shining out there in the limelight. So I said screw it, I can be confident.
I started wearing whatever I wanted, ignoring the little voice in my head that told me fat girls can't wear colors/patterns/horizontal stripes. The next step was buying a bikini. I bought a super high waisted one that only showed about an inch of my tummy under the breast line, with a fringe top that covered a bit more. Got more comfortable, got another one with a slightly lower waist and no fringe.
I'm at a point now where I can go out and rock a crop top and jeans, and I only feel the tiniest bit uncomfortable if there are a lot of people around. It's so freeing not worrying about what others are thinking. I can wear what I want, when I want. If people don’t like it, they can look away! I feel beautiful, and to me that's become more important than what others think.
28. Parenting 101
Parenting. I think I'm currently still faking it, but I’m definitely doing a better job at doing so. I think anyone who says they know how to be a parent is lying, unless they are something like a caregiver to parents or to siblings. I guess they started faking it young and by the time they get around to reproducing themselves, they're probably quite aware of how to parent.
29. Five Star Liar
My aunt owns a real estate company. When she started out, she had our whole family write fake reviews on Google and her own website…her company is huge now.
30. Ya Burnt
Every grilled cheese I have made and ever will make. My friend asked if I had ever made a grilled cheese sandwich before. I actually hadn’t, but I was 10 and wanted to be cool, so I said I had. I copied what I had seen my mom do before and slapped it on the pan. I burnt it, so I said I did that on purpose and proceeded to eat the whole thing.
Long story short, I’ve grown up to be a pretty good cook, but I still can’t make grilled cheese. In fact, I burned so many that I like them burnt now.
31. Just a Small Town Girl
I went to visit my older cousin in a big city (I’m a small-town girl, livin' in a lonely world...). Before going out, he told me that the friends we would be meeting are super snobby, and would probably make fun of me if I told them I was from SmallTown-A. Today, I would tell him to get better friends, but when I was 18 I just wanted to fit in.
We agree I would tell them I'm from City-X. So the blonde bombshell in the group (six years older) starts talking to me while my cousin and his friend head off to buy shots. "Where are you from?" “uuhm... City-X” "OMG, me too!" She then proceeds to ask me what school I went to, which coffee shop was my favorite and where my parents work—just making polite conversation. Of course, I make up an entire fake life story, as one does.
My cousin gets back to the table with the shots and I have never been more grateful for the opportunity to put alcohol in my mouth and stop words from coming out. After seeing me knock back my shot like an animal, my cousin forgets our cover story and loudly proclaims "Good god! You don't have to drink like you do in SmallTown-A, just chill!"
I did not look at Bombshell for the rest of the night. I have seldom wanted the Earth to swallow me as much as I did in that moment.
32. He Shoots, He Scores
I play high school soccer, and I'm a freshman who’s on the JV team. In my high school, soccer is our main sport, mostly because we don't have kids tall or big enough for football or basketball (we still play those sports, just not well). I started playing soccer in sixth grade, but since making the middle school team in eighth grade, I hadn't played soccer for a year before trying out.
In tryouts, I quickly learned all of the things people would yell at their teammates and yelled those phrases ("Step up, press the ball, good hustle, drop back, push forward," so on and so forth) as much as possible because the coaches loved communication. I'm on the team now, and I just faked it til I made it.
33. Head out on the Highway
My mother begged her dad for a car when she was 17, despite being unable to drive. She told her dad she had learned how to drive with her friend Loretta, but she really hadn't. She never actually expected him to bring home a tiny little car for her and tell her to drive herself to school the next day. But she had to come up with something now.
She had watched how Loretta drove and applied it to herself and managed to drive the five miles to school, including on the freeway, and made it back without dying.
34. Lost in Translation
I hired a Mandarin translator for a game I'm developing. Ran her translations through Google translate, to find they were a good match. TOO good a match. I showed it to a friend of mine who's from China, and what she told me made my blood run cold. She said the translator just Google translated everything, and that the end result was barely comprehensible.
35. Steamy Secret
A writer I know decided he could make easy money writing romance novels under a false name, even though he didn't like romance novels at all. Turns out it wasn't that easy, but he was very good at it and got stuck writing romance novels for a living for a while, hating his job and not having time to write anything he actually wanted to write.
36. Don’t Fret
I took orchestra in elementary school and I eventually realized that I was just not going to understand violin. But I still wanted to be in orchestra because it had some perks. So, whenever we had a lesson, I put my fingers over the strings and moved my bow around like I meant it. When we had to play individually, I had to do it for real. I thought maybe, by some miracle, I’d get it and play normally.
I didn’t.
37. Permit Me to Put My Foot in My Mouth
A few years ago, I got a job interview after months of looking. I was desperate. I thought I was going to be working in the mailroom for the City, but when I arrived it turned out it was for delivering mail between City offices. Okay, no big deal, I can do that. Well, in my province we have G1 (Learners), G2 (Still have some restrictions about when/who you can drive with) and G (Full License).
I needed my full G for the job, but hadn't gotten around to doing the test. No big deal, I thought, I'll just go along and schedule a test ASAP, hopefully before any paperwork needs to be done. So I went through the interview and I think I'm home free, but no. They want to do a driver's test right then and there, and I need to present my license to the testing company. At that exact and very moment.
Thinking quick, I tell them I don't have my license on me. Well, they need it and they were willing to find a City employee to drive me back out to my house (~30 mins away) and get it. I knew I was screwed. Backed into a corner, I finally have to admit that I don't have my G license. I blurted it out and basically ran out of the office and didn't look back.
Still one of the most embarrassing moments of my life.
38. Dress for the Job You Want
I once tricked my co-workers into thinking I was a supervisor. I was then able to just sit idly and order them around instead of actually working myself. It was amazing. All it really took was a different colored company shirt and a keychain with an "ID card" (just a random white card). The owner of the company eventually caught me, but his reaction was incredible.
He then promptly promoted me to supervisor for real—because "you already know what to do." I tell this story all the time and people tend to not believe me, but it's true!
39. If You Can’t Do, Teach
I taught some anatomy and physiology labs to pre-nursing majors. These students knew more about anatomy and physiology than I did. I'm an expert in ecology, but somehow I got the job of teaching this class to them. I figured I'd just look at the answers on the worksheets as the semester went on. When I finally got the student feedback, it was a major blow to my sense of confidence.
About half of them did indeed notice that I had just been looking at the worksheet answers.
40. Going off the Deep End
I decided to join the water polo team in high school, but could not swim properly. I just kept showing up to practice and paid attention to what the other people were doing during the warm-up laps and tried to emulate it. One year later, I was still doing water polo but also joined the swim team and had gotten a job teaching swim lessons and lifeguarding.
41. Busy Work
A guy I used to work with told me about this amazing story from when he used to work as an electrician apprentice at a plant. When there was nothing to do, which apparently was most of the time, the lead guy and him would walk out to a random spot in the plant with a ladder, a conduit bender, and a bent piece of conduit.
Then one of them would stand on top of the ladder and the other on the ground holding the conduit, and they'd just chit chat all day. If any of the bosses wandered by, they'd nod and pass the piece of conduit up to the guy on the ladder, who would then make a show of trying to fit it in somewhere or do something with it.
He said they both made it through three rounds of layoffs doing that.
42. Like Something out of a Movie
I George Costanza'd my way into a job in high school. I was looking for a new job and went to apply at a local movie theater. The general manager asked to interview me on the spot, which I wasn't at all prepared for, but went with it anyway. This was like a Wednesday or Thursday night. The interview went well. Then she told me she was going to be out of town this weekend, but she would let me know on Monday.
I didn't want to wait, so the next day at school I got my work permit filled out and took it back. I dropped it off to another manager and told them she told me to bring this in. They asked if I could start the next day. I ended up working there for over three years.
43. Golden Opportunity
I crashed the Golden Globes twice. Pretended like I was supposed to be there, and even crashed Amazon Studios' after-party the first time.
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