Is there anything more satisfying than karma? Whether a horrible boss or an entitled stranger, these people reaped what they sowed—and when karma came for them, it was brutal.
1. Mustang Sting
It was nighttime, and it was raining really hard out. A guy driving a Mustang ran a red light and immediately got pulled over by a squad car. Over the loudspeaker, the officer ordered the driver to get out of the vehicle and put their hands on the roof of the car, which the guy did. Then, there was nothing. The officer didn’t get out of his car and didn’t go over to the vehicle.
Instead, the officer just left the driver of the Mustang sit there for about 30 seconds, allowing him to get soaked by the rain. After the guy was drenched, the officer got on the loudspeaker again and got him real good: "Next time you run a red light during a storm, don't do it right in front of an officer, idiot". Then, he just drove away.
2. An Awful Accident
While working for the fire department, I was on a call for a multi-vehicle rollover accident on the interstate. We got on the interstate one exit away, running into traffic, so we moved over to the emergency lane seeing lights and sirens. We were about halfway there, and a BMW pulls in front of us trying to cut through the traffic, he didn't even look. I couldn't believe it—but he was just getting started.
I laid into the air horn, and he came to a complete stop, with his middle finger out the window. I'd had a lot of people do stupid things when seeing lights coming at them, but this guy was being a jerk for the sake of being a jerk. He got out of his car and started screaming at us. Meanwhile, he was blocking the only fire engine and two ambulances available.
People were really hurt half a mile away, and he was making his stand because we honked our air horn at him for blocking us. I looked out at my mirror to see a highway patrolman running between lanes towards us…the guy was so mad. BMW boy was immediately handcuffed, his pretty car got pushed out of the way into a ditch, and he got taken away.
3. Impatience Hurts
I was stopped at a red light waiting to turn right. I couldn't see if there was any traffic coming because of how the intersection was set up, and there was a bus in the left turn lane, so I was just waiting for a green. The person behind me clearly wanted me to turn because she was honking, yelling, and giving me the finger.
After a couple of seconds, she decided to drive around me and was immediately T-boned. Karma!
4. Karma Times Two
Where I used to live was a rural area on the outskirts of a small city in Australia. I was heading home from work one night, and the road back to my place is several kilometers long and completely straight. There were cane fields on either side and no streetlights, so it was very dark. Many people speed down the road because it's a back road and rarely patrolled.
I was driving along doing the speed limit and this guy comes roaring up behind me with his high beams on. He sits right behind me then tears around to overtake and takes off doing at least 120 kilometers per hour. Less than a minute later, he must have hit the dirt shoulder and begins to lose control before hitting a slight dip and literally flies through the air into a cane paddock.
At this point, it's a mixture of absolute shock and wanting to pull over and just laugh. Then, red and blue lights flash up ahead, not 50 meters from the guy. I had never seen an officer on this road before that night so I couldn't believe it! I pulled up to ask if he needed any help from me and he goes "Nah, you get home, I got this jerk". Double instant karma.
5. Caught In A Speed Bump
I was in the passing lane on the highway, slowly coming up on a couple of cars in the right lane. The speed limit was about to decrease ahead, and another vehicle came up behind me, going pretty fast. Instead of gassing it to get ahead of the traffic to my right, I slowed down and pulled into the right lane while the other car behind me was right on my tail.
Once I got into the right lane, the car floored it and passed me, honking their horn. The passenger's body was half out of the car window yelling at me and flipping me off as they passed. But they had no idea what hit them. It turned out that the car I pulled in behind was an unmarked state trooper who promptly pulled them over. Justice was served.
6. Just Rewards
Before we were married, I was out to dinner with my wife and her dad. At the end of dinner, my father-in-law offered to pay for the meal. My wife asked to get her leftovers boxed to take them home. Her father was being difficult and started in on her, saying, “Well, you'll just leave them in the fridge, then they'll just get thrown out, blah blah."
I told him, "Listen, it's not your fridge. Leave her alone.” He got mad and yelled, "Don't tell me how to raise my daughter!" I yelled back at him not to speak to her in his nasty tone. As a result, he threw the bill at me and said, "FINE! YOU PAY THEN," and stormed out. We were all mad at that point, and my wife said, “Why did you have to start something??"
I paid the bill and was waiting for the receipt, but we were waiting for quite some time. Tensions were rising. Her dad was waiting outside, building up steam. I asked the waiter, "Can I just get our bill and go?" They replied, "Oh no, sir, you have to wait for the manager.” That's when I learned the beautiful, satisfying truth.
It turned out they had a contest running where every bill was a winner or some prize or another. Usually, people would win a free drink or appetizer. However, we had just won the GRAND PRIZE that dinner—which was a trip for four to Florida. And here's the kicker: Whoever pays gets the prize. Because her dad stormed out like a child, I had won it.
7. Target Practice
When I was six years old, I was on the bus with my older brother coming home from soccer practice. We were seated at the back, right next to the big rear window. For some odd reason, I thought it would be funny to show the traffic behind us all the angles of my middle finger while staring at them with the most obnoxious facial expressions.
I would wait until the bus got to a stop and proceeded to do my thing when the bus shut its door and accelerated away. I was getting bored since most people would just ignore me and the reactions weren't as amusing as I thought they were going to be. I decided my game needed more thrill. Instead of flipping off oncoming traffic, my main target changed to pedestrians. This instantly turned into an enormous mistake.
The bus got to a stop, picked up the waiting people, and I had found my new target—a very buff man. As I heard the noise of the doors closing, I proceeded to show him both of my fingers and stuck out my tongue. This guy, however, didn't think it was all that funny. He sprinted alongside the bus, matching its speed for at least a block until the bus arrived at the next stop.
The bus was not that full, but the people in it witnessed this big chunk of rage giving chase and getting on to the bus. I cowered behind my brother, who had been oblivious to my shenanigans. I was in tears. The guy ended up being pretty cool about it and just told me not to do it again. He even gave me a piece of bubblegum afterward.
8. In Someone Else’s Shoes
I was seventeen and went to a party where there were kids from two different high schools. When I went inside, I took off my brand-new Nike Air Mada shoes that I had just bought for $140. Hours later, when I went to leave, my shoes were gone. We had an idea of who took them—a guy from the other school—but I didn’t have proof.
I was so sad and so embarrassed. I had to drive home in my socks. Long story short, a week later, the girl who threw the party shows up on my doorstep holding something behind her back. Turns out she went to a party and saw the guy who took my shoes—wearing them! When he took them off, she snagged them! Now, standing in front of me she reveals my Nikes!
She told me the best part was watching him look for them just like I had and then leave in his socks!
9. Caught In A Blizzard!
I was driving home on the highway during a horrible blizzard at night. The roads were extremely slick and dangerous, I was going about 30 mph. My daughter was a newborn, and it was the first time I had ever driven in the snow with her. I was nervous. Some jerk in a huge truck is doing 65, passing everyone in the slow lane, and just being really risky and ignorant to the conditions and other drivers in general.
He passed me, and I was like, "You're gonna crash bro." Right at that moment, the dude fishtails, loses control, and crashes into a ditch. Don't worry though, he was completely fine. I know this because I saw him emerge from the truck and do a little angry freak out dance. His truck wasn't fine. That's what you get for endangering others during a blizzard!
10. That’s What You Get!
At the end of the day in the locker room after gym class, this freshman kid who was really popular and always talked a lot of trash started messing with this guy who was kind of awkward and kind of got picked on a lot. Apparently, they got in each others' way in flag football or something. The awkward guy ignores the cocky kid for a while until the cocky kid pushed him.
The awkward guy had enough and hit the cocky guy in the face three times before he hit the ground. He knocked his front teeth out. As we were all leaving school and talking about it, the overall consensus was, "Well, that's what happens when you talk that much".
11. It’s Really Coming Down!
I was driving on a thruway during a storm with a huge amount of rain and sleet. The speed limit is typically 65, but the rain was so torrential that the visibility was no further than two cars ahead. As such, everyone was driving about 25 due to the visibility and traffic congestion. For whatever reason, two cars pass me going probably 65 as if it was a sunny and cloudless day.
About 20 seconds after they pass, I see two cars facing the wrong way in the median, plus another two cars in a ditch on the outside of the road. Unfortunately, there were two innocent drivers that were affected by the karma of these two dangerous drivers.
12. Her Luck Ran Out
A few years back, I was traveling on the interstate to meet some friends who attended a different college than I did for a weekend. On the way there, I was in the right-hand lane, minding my own business, when a car tried to cut me off. I thought it was no big deal until she ended up clipping my bumper and running me off the road.
She was driving at a speed of about 80–85 mph. While I was on the shoulder attempting to contact the local authorities to report an accident, the other driver kept on going along her merry way. Five minutes later, a state trooper pulled up behind me and asked what had happened. I explained the situation, described the other vehicle—including a partial license plate number— and he asked if my car was still drivable.
After confirming that it was, he said, “Just follow me up to this next exit. I got a call about a driver who is out of gas and needs assistance”. We pulled up to the next exit, just shy of a gas station. When I saw her, I couldn't believe my eyes. It was the girl who was the other party in my hit-and-run. She tried to deny that anything had occurred.
Then, the trooper looked at my front bumper damage and her back end damage, assessed the paint colors matched, etc. Not only that, but her plate had the partial information I had gathered as she sped away. It turned out the girl had no insurance and no license. She got hauled off to the station on a hit-and-run, all because she couldn’t slow down and be a decent driver.
13. His Coffee Time Was Cut Short
I was in some heavy traffic going into an event center. I noticed a squad car sitting on the median, making sure people weren’t doing stupid things. Right as we were getting up to where the squad car was, some idiot cut across two lanes of traffic. He cut me off and went into a street with a "Do Not Enter" sign. He did all of this right in front of the marked cruiser.
I made eye contact with the officer as he put down his coffee and flipped on his blues.
14. This Guy Was A Total Blockhead
I was directing traffic at the site of a traffic accident. I was waving vehicles around on the roundabout because they couldn't go straight on, as the accident was completely blocking the road up ahead. One car pulled up to a stop directly in front of me. The driver opened his window to ask me something. He was now completely blocking me from the view of the traffic.
Therefore, I moved to the side and shouted, "I'm sorry, I can't stop to discuss anything. The road is closed; move off the roundabout". He drove a few meters forward—blocking me again— shouting through his window. I didn’t catch everything he said, but at the end, it included, "Why can't you just stop to speak to the people you are meant to be serving". What happened next was glorious.
A car promptly rear-ended him as he was blocking them from seeing me. They didn't expect him to stop suddenly on an otherwise clear roundabout. I replied, "That's why". I made sure when I wrote it up, the insurance companies would know who was to blame.
15. Big Rig Rumble
It was raining out. I was coming onto a freeway with my big rig, signaling and smoothly switching lanes while keeping an eye on a car behind me that had been crowding me. As soon as he hit the merge ramp, he gunned it in an attempt to pass me, cutting into the no-drive zone. The problem was that my cab was 60 feet ahead of him, as I had already begun to merge.
Half of my rig was occupying the lane he wanted. Once this guy realized he couldn’t pass me, he flipped out. He screeched so hard back into his lane that I felt the road tremble. He began blaring his horn and flashing his lights. I was just cruising along, totally calm. I was watching the traffic in my driver-side mirror, and when I saw a break, I knew what was coming.
This guy jerked into the left lane, floored it, and got beside my cab, honking the whole way. He swerved at me and then cut me off. He jerked into place in front of me, jammed his brakes—and then it all unraveled. He completely lost control of his vehicle. It was suddenly sideways at 45mph. I was nowhere near him, having already slowed down.
His car continued to spin until it was facing me, then it whipped back forward and headed straight into the ditch. It plowed the earth like a farm tool in front of all of us there on the freeway. I stopped. The left lane stopped. We just watched as this guy slowly got out of his car, which looked pretty damaged. Other drivers got out to help, and some were on their phones. I just geared up out of there nice and calm. It was instant karma.
16. It Was Smoothie Sailing
I suffered from insomnia. One morning, when I couldn’t sleep, I went to the convenience store at about 6:30 AM. On the way out, I saw a homeless guy who I had seen around the city for years. As usual, he was begging for change. I didn’t mind helping this guy out because he wouldn’t spend the money on anything bad; he legitimately needed food.
So, I went back in and bought him a couple of hamburgers and gave them to him. I proceeded to the smoothie shop, which opened at 7 am. I parked my car and opened the door. When I looked down, I saw a fresh $20 bill on the white line of the parking spot. Then, when I came back out of the smoothie shop, as I approached my car, I found yet ANOTHER $20 in the exact location. I checked my pocket, and the first one was still in there.
17. Disheveled Do-Gooder
My infant son couldn't sleep one day, so we walked to my local supermarket to get some basics and blow off steam. I looked terrible. I was sleep-deprived, grumpy, disheveled, and unkempt, just like any other new parent. My son was in a sling on my belly. As I was checking out, the woman behind me stepped forward and said, "Please let me pay for this. I've always wanted to help out in this way."
Despite my appearance, I was pretty well off, but she wanted this. I didn't have very much to buy, so I graciously thanked her and walked out, both of us smiling. My son finally fell asleep, so I just loitered about. I eventually noticed someone trying in vain to start their car—it was the lovely young woman who "helped" me out. I was a decent mechanic and happened to be toting a multi-tool around with me. I was able to get her car running in no time at all. It felt awesome.
18. It Was A Sign
I was a cart boy for a grocery store back in high school. One afternoon it was pouring rain out and terribly windy. A new black Escalade pulled up next to me while I pushed about 10 carts. The guy got out and yelled at me, saying I better not scratch his truck because "Heads will roll." I wasn’t in any way endangering his new car, but he proceeded to yell and warn me. And then *it* happened.
Just as he finished yelling at me, the sign from the pizzeria next door crashed into the side of his truck. That made my night a little better, even if I was soaked.
19. An Up Lifting Experience
I worked in a building with 10 floors. I was on the fifth. I was coming back to the lobby from lunch and in a hurry. I had just pressed the button to go up, and the elevator immediately opened. Before I stepped in, I noticed someone coming up the stairs about 30 feet away. I usually wait for stragglers to boost my elevator karma, you know.
As this person approached, I noticed she was fairly attractive and close to my age. She, too, was in a hurry and asked me if a specific company was in the building—she was running late for an interview. At this point, I realized she was not just attractive; she was gorgeous. I pressed the button for her floor. She asked me if I worked at that company as well since I hadn’t pushed the button to my floor yet.
I told her, “No, but since you're late, we'll get you there first, then I'll go back down to five.” She was very appreciative. We got to her floor, she gathered herself...and realized that she had forgotten her phone. She was supposed to call when she got there, so she asked if she could use my phone. I happily obliged. She said, "You were a great help. Thank you so much!"
I decided to go for it and replied, "No problem! Let me know how it goes." She smiled and said, "I sure will," and proceeded to tap away at my phone. She handed it back, smiled again, and walked away. She had programmed her name and number into my phone. For a guy who NEVER gets the girl, I was elated. The number worked, and we met up for a date.
20. A Minor Annoyance Had A Major Payoff
One night, we went out with my uncle and his family for dinner at a nice restaurant. There were seven of us eating, and we were all drinking red. This increasingly belligerent guy from the bar kept coming up to our table and making conversation, commenting on how awesome my six-month-old son was, etc. By the end of the night, he was getting annoying, and my uncle was discussing whether or not he should say something.
We told him, “No, don't worry about it. He is just having a good time and seems like a good guy.” So when it came time to pay our bill, the waiter just said, "Have a nice evening. Thanks for coming in." My uncle and I were confused and asked the waiter about the check. His answer stunned me. He told us that the guy who kept coming up to us had paid our tab.
The server told us that it was already done and that the guy would do this all the time. Our bill was $1,500. My uncle sought the guy out and gave him a big hug. The guy just said, "You have such a beautiful family. Pay it forward sometime." He had even tipped the waiter some crazy amount from the look the waiter gave us. So, I learned always to be nice. You never know who is a millionaire.
21. Sock It to 'Em
I was 17. I went to a party where there were kids from two different high schools. When I went inside, I took off my brand new Nike Air Mada shoes that I had just bought for $140. Hours later, when I went to leave, my new shoes were gone. We had an idea of who took them, a guy from the other school, but didn’t have proof.
I was so sad and so embarrassed. I had to drive home in my socks. But a week later, the girl who threw the party shows up on my doorstep holding something behind her back...turns out she went to a party and saw the guy who took my shoes wearing them! When he took them off after a smoke break, she snagged them. She told me the best part was watching him look for them (just like I had) and then leave in his socks.
22. Eye for an Eye
When I was a kid, I was the youngest of all the kids on my block. The other kids, including my sister, would have fun tormenting me. They would try and exclude me from things on the basis of my age. The worst of them was Marcus, who would always be a complete jerk. One day Marcus and I, along with some of the other kids, went to a nearby school to ride around on our scooters.
Marcus convinced me that to be "cool" I had to jump down a flight of five stairs. I succeeded, but broke my scooter in the process. As the kids rode off, laughing at me for not being able to join them, Marcus' front wheel caught in a crack in the concrete. He FLEW over the handlebars, straight into a flagpole. I nearly keeled over laughing. I broke my scooter; he broke his face.
23. No Tow for You
My boyfriend has a big GMC, and one winter it was really snowy and a bunch of cars had gone into the ditch, as you do. Because he's a nice guy, he was spending his day off pulling people out for free. At one point, while he was helping someone, some jerk FLEW by him, wailing on the horn and flipping him off out of the window.
He got done pulling the car out and headed up the road in the direction that idiot had gone. That's when he witnessed an incredible sight. A mile up the road, they found the jerk standing outside of his car, which was now plowed into a giant freaking tree. Boyfriend honked his horn, waved, and kept driving. Dude just hung his head like a scolded dog. Truly beautiful.
24. The Rules Of The Road
I was driving home from dinner with my wife one night and we got off the freeway at our exit. At the bottom of the ramp is a two-lane stoplight, so you can go left or right, and just to the left is the freeway entrance. This dude behind us had been tailgating for miles, and I grumbled when he did it all the way down the exit ramp and nearly rear-ended me as we stopped for the light.
Then he decided the light was taking too long, so he pulled into the right-hand turn lane next to us and made a U-turn to go around back towards the freeway entrance, while the light was still red. My jaw dropped. Turns out, I didn’t have to wait long for sweet, sweet justice. JUST as he completed his U-turn, the car that had been behind him pulled around in a similar fashion...with red and blue lights flaring up to illuminate the intersection.
And to top it all off, the officer lit up his speaker with, "THAT WAS REALLY STUPID. PULLOVER NOW." The idiot was just pulling into the shoulder as we merrily turned left on the green light and headed for home.
25. Baseketball IRL
This idiot I knew in high school was trying to get a mentally handicapped kid to do stuff for a video in a very nasty cruel way behind the gym. Meanwhile, I’m sitting behind a car in the parking lot. Special kid is not dumb enough to play this game, so the idiot decides to get him to hold the camera for him instead.
People are heckling and calling out suggestions, nothing interesting happens, then someone comes out with a basketball, puts it on the concrete sidewalk, then hands idiot an aluminum baseball bat and mimes hitting the basketball, like splitting a log with an ax. Idiot winds up, brings it down, and I hear blaWHANK.
His head shoots back, blood everywhere. Honestly, from where I was I even thought he smashed his skull. Bat clatters like 20 feet behind him and he goes down backward. The bat bounced, nailed him in the eyebrow, split it open, and knocked him straight out. He was okay but had a scar and a wild black eye for a few weeks. But that's not even the best part.
The best part is that the whole time, the mentally handicapped kid he'd been trying to humiliate on camera is filming him and laughing so freaking hard that he's crying. You could tell he was so happy. Security didn’t believe no-one hit the idiot until he showed them the video. Yep, he was just that dumb, security found out.
26. Payback Time
My sister's fiancé left her for another woman when he found out she was pregnant, but at the very least, she was able to win child support in court. Well, he got hired on full time and got a huge raise on the first of May. Two weeks later, the other woman left him and took their newborn son with her. My sister's claim for child support (plus the 18 months he was overdue) also hit at that time, so things really took a turn in his life for the worst.
27. Asking Too Much
At my last job, I had a new senior manager hired to run my division and our sister division. After working with him for six months, I had reached my breaking point. He would call at 5:01 to see if I was still there; he would email me at 1:00 a.m. (I had a company Blackberry) asking for amendments to his morning meeting’s presentations regarding my division.
He would ask my receptionist to take notes regarding the goings-on in my office, even though just three of us shared an office and he was down the hall. He was the worst boss I've ever worked for, but the job market was tight and this paid the bills. The final straw came, though, when I returned from a week off. He approached me and asked why I was quitting.
I hadn't submitted notice, nor notified anyone I was leaving. I told him I wasn't and that he'd be the first to know if I did. He called me a liar and walked away. I sent him an email that afternoon tendering my resignation with three weeks’ notice. In my exit interview, I told the HR team EVERYTHING, and I mean everything, about the junk he pulled. Four weeks later he was fired, along with my receptionist.
28. Sharing Is Caring
I'm from San Diego and during the summer, you have to claim bonfire pits on the beach really early in the morning if you want one for the night. My friends and I got to the beach at 8 am and stayed there so we could get a bonfire going into the night. Just before sundown, this one couple asked if they could share the bonfire with us.
Since our group wasn't too big, we let them join us. However, that couple proceeded to bring a group of like 15 others and they literally surrounded the pit, pushing us out. We were angry, but we were so tired from being at the beach all day that we just decided to head out. Little did we know what was coming next.
That night, there was a high tide warning, and when we moved all of our stuff over the wall that divided the beach walk from the beach, a huge wave came in and washed out that whole group. The wave flipped over their table of food, took a handful of sandals back into the ocean, and destroyed all their stuff.
The best part was this one girl was trying to jump the wall to save herself but she didn’t jump high enough and ended up falling right back into the waters. Karma's a witch.
29. I Fought The Law
I was working at a mental health facility for the elderly as a nurse. I worked there for over a year with a perfect work record. At some point, my co-worker found out I have PTSD and decided to tell my boss. After that, the two of them hung out a lot together, plotting to have me committed. One day, they launched their attack. During one of my shifts, my boss called me into her office to congratulate me on my one year of service. When we were in her office alone, she started grilling me about my mental health and how it played out at home. That's when things made a turn for the worse.
The next thing I knew, she forced me to go to the psych emergency ward because I have PTSD. The entire meeting was designed to trigger me enough to behave poorly. Somehow, they wanted to rationalize the next step, which was to cart me off to emergency and have them lock me away in a padded room.
They didn’t though. The hospital said I was fine; just stressed out about being forced to go to the hospital like a crazy person for no reason other than admitting I had PTSD. After the hospital let me go, my boss put me on extended medical leave without telling me and ignored all my calls for two weeks. She then wrote letters lying about me to her bosses and the HR dept.
I filed a union grievance and a complaint with a third-party whistleblower company. My boss lied about me to everyone. She said I told her I was standing in front of mirrors with knives, wanting to cut flesh. They believed her, so they shut down my complaints. I took it to the human rights tribunal.
Well, I won. It took three long years and it was the hardest thing I have ever done, but it was well worth it. My boss’s health declined considerably by the time the trial happened. She lost her job, she had to move, and there is a public record about what she did that will forever remain. The co-worker who helped my boss is also on the permanent record at the company.
She will never be comfortable at that job site again, and what she did is known to all. I got the highest amount awarded for damages. I created a precedent for other persons with PTSD with a clean work history who do a good job on the clock but have very real struggles with symptoms at home. No karma could possibly taste better than $40k and a clear reputation.
30. Justice Is Served
I was in daycare as a child. At the time, I had very long hair that my dad always put into a ponytail. There was a girl there who would pull on my ponytail all the time. We were playing musical chairs at the end of one day while waiting for our parents to pick us up. The girl was behind me and kept yanking my ponytail, even though I kept telling her to stop.
The teacher apparently "didn't see anything," so she did nothing about it. There were a bunch of parents waiting for us to finish our game, my mom included. The girl kept doing it and the teacher kept not seeing it, so I knew what I had to do. I turned around and punched the girl as hard as I could. She stumbled into the "cubbies" where we kept our coats.
The teacher tried to chastise me, and my mom was like "Nope. I didn't see anything.” I didn't even get in trouble.
31. Flexing, not Flexible
A friend of a friend joined our group as we were going to a college football game. He spent the night aggressively hitting on our super-hot friend whose husband wasn't around. She was obviously uncomfortable about it, so I pulled him aside and told him she was married. His response was, "So? A ring doesn't plug a hole!"
In the parking lot, he was goofing off and showed off his athleticism by sprinting across the darkened pavement. The separators in the parking lot were those waist-high poles with chains connecting them. Almost invisible in the dark. This guy ran into the chain full-speed. It hit him just below the waist, and it wasn't a minor injury. He could barely walk for a week and had a concussion.
32. The Hero We Need
Catching the train home late one night, I was awoken by a group of loud-mouthed guys shouting insensitive things to anyone who looked even a little bit non-white. Another passenger starts telling them to shut up or get the heck off the train when these guys flip out and start screaming at him at the top of their lungs.
At this point, another guy tells them to calm down and they start screaming at him that they are going to kick the life out of him. At this point, a few other guys on the train are starting to get up and move toward these idiots. Then the first dude gets up. It turns out he was slouching in his chair pretty seriously because he is a freaking monster.
He actually had to turn side-on to move past the little handrail in the middle of the train because his shoulders were so big. At this point he puts his hat back on, which has TRANSPORT SECURITY written on it in large letters. He hits the intercom button to signal the train guard and tells them to arrange authorities at the next station.
Then he just walks up and grabs one of the guys and tells him ever so calmly he just wanted to get home after a long shift so they all better behave really well because he is losing his patience fast. Everyone starts cheering the security guy and yelling at the idiots who are then escorted from the train at the next stop. It was beautiful.
33. Watching the World Burn
I was working for Krispy Kreme when it first came to my state. I was their primary "producer," meaning my eight-hour shift every night made about 80% of the product for the stores the next day, and it was usually just me who was making the product and sending it down the other end for a team to decorate and pack.
I was the one person who would take whatever shift they gave me, and always did the shift that had all the work, the "no time to chat" shift. The shift before me, without fail, screwed around and made my shift a nightmare. I called management out on it, saying it wasn't fair and. that if I left a shift without making yeast brews and such, I'd be sent packing.
The shift manager just laughed at me and tried to blame me for the yeast brews, which were meant to be running for four hours before my shift started, but I had to make myself straight away. I refused to take the guff. So she gave me a cruel punishment. She decided that what I really wanted was a week or two without shifts, effective the next night.
I went home, typed up my notice of resignation and addressed it to the full manager, saying I couldn't work for such an incompetent shift manager and that I need to work for a place that was willing to give me the commitment to shifts and pay that I was originally promised there. Less than two weeks later, I get a call.
"Our production line has completely halted. You're the only one who knows how to fix it. Can't pay you cash, but can give you a few dozen of the product for it." I enjoyed those few dozen donuts very nicely. A couple of months later, I see they've gone into administration. All stores closed, and now only selling out of gas stations. I know I didn't directly have a part in that, but it felt good.
34. Judging by the Cover
I was on my way home from work and stopped at a grocery store to get something to eat. I was wearing a really ratty and torn hoodie that I wear to work all the time. In front of me in line are two kinda-pretty girls. They are not-so-quietly talking trash about the cashier. One of them then turns to me, looks me up and down, and nudges her friend.
Pointing toward me, she says, "Looks like someone can't afford nice things." I looked her right in the face and in my most sincere voice said, "My dad gave me this sweatshirt the winter before he passed." The girl looked horrified and immediately began to cry. I just walked away and got into another line. What a jerk.
35. Snow Day
I lived in Illinois for a while. One day, there was a snowstorm. I was in the left lane doing about 30 in a 55 because the roads were that bad. I had someone doing about the same speed right next to me in the right lane. Behind us, there was a woman in a small SUV bouncing from lane to lane and honking her horn.
As we came to a red light, the guy next to me turned right and the woman from behind proceeded to pull up next to me. She rolled down her window and started yelling at me. I lowered my window and heard her say, "If you don't know how to drive in the snow, get the heck off the road, some of us have places to go!" The light then turned green and she sped off as fast as she could.
She got up to speed, and as she approached the next red light, she hit her brakes and slid on the snow…right into the car in front of her. I stopped and went right up to her window and asked if she was OK. She nodded her head, and while she was dazed, I said the most epic thing I could have ever said: "If you don't know how to drive in the snow, get the heck off the road."
There is a lesson in that story: Four-wheel drive only helps you move forward, not stop or turn.
36. Slip And Slide
I was at a water park with my brother, and we were like 24 and 25 at the time. When we got to the bottom of this one slide, there was this girl in front of us who was a total witch. She took one look at the kid working there and started making fun of him. Before I could say anything to her, she turned around faceplanted onto the wet concrete.
I looked at my brother and we just burst out laughing. And THAT is justice, ladies and gents.
37. The Ultimate Revenge
I used to play frisbee in a parking lot on Saturday nights and people would often drive their cars through to mess with us on a regular basis. One night, a guy drove his car up to the edge of the area where we were playing and started revving his engine really aggressively. We ended the point and cleared the area to give him space. The dude then dropped the clutch and sped through the parking lot...but he missed one crucial detail.
He failed to notice the raised median in his path. He hit it while going pretty fast and totally wrecked the underside of his car. He came to a stop, then went out to check the damage—it was clearly leaking a lot of fluid. Then, the cherry on top. An officer who was just hanging out in a different part of the shopping area saw the whole thing go down, so he cruised up on the dude with his lights flashing. We went back to playing.
38. White Out Wipe Out
Last year, I got caught in an ice storm while driving. It was warm outside one moment and within a few minutes, everything was covered in ice. My dad was supposed to be leaving his house to drive his RV, so I called to warn him not to leave while I continued to drive five miles per hour on the rumble strips to the next exit.
There were cars wrecked all over the road. It looked like a scene from a horror movie. I was afraid to pull over and help anyone for fear of getting stuck myself...or worse, getting rear-ended by an out-of-control vehicle. I quickly ended the call with my dad because talking on the phone and driving was dangerous, to begin with, but also because there were two cars coming up behind me going about 60 mph.
Apparently, they were both oblivious to the dozens of wrecked automobiles on the side of the road. I had just finished telling my dad "I have to get off the phone, people are driving like idiots" when the two cars passed me and then slammed into each other, skittering off to the side of the road. I felt like a jerk, but I kept driving.
I did see two guys get out shaking their fists as I was driving by, so I assume they were okay.
39. Now You’re Cooking With Gas
I work at a gas station. At the time of this incident, the prices had just been raised by 15 cents. About five minutes after the price change, a guy pulled in, parked, then walked inside. He started yelling at me, saying, “Gas Buddy says it's a different price.” I tried to explain to him that we had just changed it and it should be reflected on the website shortly. Well, he was not having any of that.
He called me an idiot and then stormed out the door. He got into his car and proceeded to back out. As he sped away, he got T-boned by another car. It was great giving my statement to the officers while he watched.
40. Sweeping the Legs
When I was a teenager, I was in a van with a bunch of my friends. We stopped for gas at a place on a busy intersection. One of my friends points out some action happening in a car parked next to the street and says, "He's beating the tar out of her!" Sure enough, some horrible guy is bouncing his girlfriend's head off the dashboard.
Now, we were no innocent teenagers, and this van was our mailbox-baseball-mobile. We grabbed our bats and prepared to intervene. But just as we were getting out, the girl grabs the keys out of the guy's ignition and throws them into the street. I can see the rest in slow motion, clear as day, even though it happened more than 20 years ago.
The guy races out of the car in a huff, runs into the street, bends to pick up his keys. He gets back up, points at the car, and starts to yell something, his face red with rage. Just then, a little sports sedan turns the corner at speed, and hits him straight on in the legs. Dude does a flip over the car and falls into a limp pile. Girlfriend runs to him, crying in remorse...
At the time, we were in no way prepared to stick around and talk to the authorities, so this was the last I knew of things...that is, until a few years later. One night, back from college on winter break, I was telling this story at a party. A girl looks at me funny, and starts asking me some date and location questions.
She was really freaking out. Turns out, she was the driver who hit the dude, only she didn't know he was a jerk. No one at the scene, including the girlfriend, said anything about the incident. The driver had felt guilty for years about running down some innocent guy, crippling him for life. My chance retelling of the story took a huge burden off her.
41. Saved By The Soup
I was once at a friend's house. His mom was dating this jerk at the time and he had major anger issues. I was infamous for cooking at the house and making a big mess...but since I was 11 and his mom was rarely home, it was a regular thing I did. In this one instance, my friend was upstairs in the bathroom while I was making soup. Just as his mom's boyfriend walked in, I picked up the soup pot, and the handle cracked right off.
The pot fell with a clang and a buttload of split soup flooded the kitchen. That’s when it turned completely bizarre. The boyfriend lowered his head and starts charging at me like a bull. I was terrified. This was the only time an adult had ever tried to attack me. He took about one and a half running steps towards me before I heard: "SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAEEEEEEEEEK!"
Down went goes, butt-first, right into the huge puddle of soup. He slid a couple more feet until his head hit the side of some floor-level cabinets. I kind of leaped over him and jetted up to my friend's room, locking the door.
42. A Tumble and a Laugh
Back in high school, I was kind of being a jerk to a girl I was friends with. Nothing too bad, just some friendly teasing, but still not a great move. Then I turned around and fell down a big flight of stairs immediately after. Even mid-fall, the karma and the justice did not escape me, trust me. We both found it pretty hilarious.
43. Swiped
I was targeted to be fired from work. It had nothing to do with my performance, and everything to do with my manager who took a disliking to me. I walked the line of perfection for about a month until I found another job, then I handed in my two weeks' notice. That was victory number one. But I had even more wins up my sleeve.
I then took about a half-dozen of their employees and got them hired into my new company. That was victory number two. I'd like to think that victory number three was the 30 or 40 employees they lost in the following year, but I can’t claim direct responsibility for that. Thing is, when you have employees with high-demand skills like software engineering, you'd best treat them right.
44. Classy Action
I worked for a small lottery chain for the better part of a year back around 2008. It was a single employee operation, so I worked a 10-hour shift with no breaks or a lunch. All in all, it wasn't a bad job and had good tips. Then one day, out of the blue, the regional manager calls me into the store and tells me that I'm suspended.
I was given no warning whatsoever. I asked her why. Her reply made my blood run cold. She flat-out tells me that I'm frightening away the patrons because I’m gay. The next day, she calls me to say that I'm no longer needed. I tried for a lawsuit, but it was a he-said-she-said kind of thing. Not really that much that I could do about it, unfortunately.
Flash forward to last month. I get a call from a lawyer asking me if I want to take part in a class-action lawsuit against this company for discrimination and unfair wage compensation practices. I told them my story, and now I'm a class representative for the case. I'm so ready for this court case, you don’t even know.
45. Late Vacation
As the low man on the totem pole at work, I got to do all of the grunt labor and random tasks that required working on weekends and such. I was a master engineer working in a 9-5 job, but being paid less than a pizza delivery driver. Then it got even worse. My boss decided that I no longer got compensation time, so basically I was working overtime all the time.
The reason behind this was that I was salaried and "it was part of the job." Well, I found a brutal way to get back at them. When I quit to go get my PhD, they realized that I hadn't used any vacation time at all. This ultra-penny pincher had to write me a check for two extra months' worth of pay as I walked out the door. Never have I tasted a sweeter payday.
46. I Oughta Wash Your Mouth out
I used to be a zookeeper. This idiot was making fun of our llama for looking ugly. The llama was a rescue who had corrective jaw surgery. She was not ugly, she was adorable. Yet the rude woman pointed and laughed at our llama. In return, the llama spat right in her mouth. I gave the llama a treat and told her that she was a good girl.
47. Karma’s Cold Slap
I was working with this complete jerk at the sandwich shop where I work. She was 17, I was 18. I was telling a coworker about how my boyfriend had proposed to me, and she comes up behind me and says, "I bet he only proposed because the condom broke." It caused me to burst into tears—because she didn't know the dark truth.
I'd actually just recently found out that there was only a 2% chance that I could have kids, and I was still very sensitive about it. After coming out of the supply room (I went in there to cry) I asked her to come out the back door with me so I could have a word with her. I didn't want customers to hear us, because we likely would have ended up yelling.
I told her to keep her nose in her own business. She then decided to slap me. Pretty hard, too. I didn't hit her back...because we were directly in front of a camera. So, I went inside and called my boss. He had seen it on the live feed at home and had recorded it. He was already on his way. He came in and dragged her out the back again and fired her.
48. Watch and Learn
My stepdad is a driving instructor. I went to get my license pretty late in the game, when I was 22 years old. One day, he was giving me a lesson and we were going over one of the possible courses that the test takes. While we're driving down a street in the suburbs, a guy is tailgating the life out of me, and he's a really scary looking dude.
Every time I come to a stop sign, I do a full stop, obviously. When I do, he throws his hands in the air and yells. It's starting to stress me out, but my stepdad comes up with an ingenious plan. He says, "Don't worry about it, watch this." As we're going down the street, he says, "Okay, now in about 50 feet I want you to start slowing down a little bit and right when you are in front of that school zone, pull over to the right."
So I do it. Right after I pull over, the scary-looking, furious guy takes off from behind me like a speeding bullet. Aaaannd about five seconds later, a patrol car pulls out from behind a tree and waves him over for going probably double the speed limit in a school zone. We laughed. Hard. Don’t tussle with the driving instructor.
49. Coming Clean
I was in a bad relationship over the summer. Fights often, and when she got really upset, she would slap me. There was one night I felt the fight coming. During the calm before the fight, I told her she needs to stop slapping me when she gets upset. Well, fight starts, slaps happen. I try to tell her we need to be quieter and not wake my neighbors.
At this point, I'm trying to end the relationship. She's freaking out so bad that she ripped my favorite shirt off of me, and tore it in half. Suddenly, there’s a knock at the door. The authorities come in, split us up, and when they ask her if it got physical, she told them she had slapped me. She was in cuffs in seconds. Made things real easy for me.
50. Karma Comes From the Corner Office
My boss got Instant Karma for mocking me! I had a day off work and as I was making breakfast I accidentally sliced my fingertip with a bread knife. I wrapped it up and went to Urgent Care. It didn't need stitches, but the doctor put a couple steri-strips on it and said not to use it for a day or two and stay off a keyboard.
I went into work the next morning, told my boss that I had to stay off a keyboard for a couple days, so I had to do some other kind of customer service that didn't involve typing. She said no problem. As I walked out of the room I remembered I had to tell her something else and as I was walking back in, I heard her mocking my injury.
Just as she finished, she accidentally slammed the door of the one-ton safe on her hand. I laughed and said Karma's a thing. She said yeah, I kind of deserved that. She didn't break it but she couldn't use it so she had to call another supervisor to come in for the day so she could get it checked out.
When the gauze came off my finger a couple days later and saw the strips holding it together she admitted that it did look kinda bad and she shouldn't have made fun. I accepted and brushed the incident off.
51. Your Own Worst Enemy
I was in Wal-Mart one time. There's this girl, skinny as a twig, pushing a cart with her toddler in it. She just had that look, you know? The kid is upset about something as well. She's yelling at him to shut up, and of course, it's not working. I'm further down the aisle doing that "looking but trying not to look like I'm looking" thing.
My brain is ping-ponging between "I should really say something" and "But it's not my business," when she hauls off to slap the kid. I snap my head around, and any pretense of not watching the scene is utterly gone. But of course, I'm much too far away to actually do anything. All I can do is watch as her hand swings way, way back.
Then I watch as she swings so hard that her feet actually slip out from under her on the tile floor. She crashes back into the shelves behind her, totally missing the kid, thankfully. I remember her head bouncing, bam-bam-bam, three times as she thunked down each shelf. The kid just kind of looked down at her, clearly having no idea what the heck was happening.
52. Timing Is Everything
I've worked at the same company for over six years. I was a good, loyal employee with a perfect track record. Over the six years, I'd only called in sick twice. I had the best results, as well as the least amount of errors on paperwork in the whole region. Well, my new boss decided that that wasn't enough.
He minimized my hours, expanded my workload, and never had anything nice to say. He seemed to think ruling with an iron fist is the way to go about his job. Even after all this, I kept my head above water, fixing his errors along the way. Then, one day, I decided I had enough and resigned from my position with immediate effect. Turns out, that was actually the best revenge.
My departure ended up throwing a wrench in his operations, and I timed it exactly so that it will ruin his vacation plans for next week. On top of that, there was no one to fill my position. As soon as I mouthed the words, "I quit," you could see the terror in his eyes. He realized how screwed he was without me and he tried to do whatever he could to keep me for at least another week.
I've never felt such a sense of instant karma as today.
53. When You Sling Mud…
I was in the eighth grade. I was standing on a bench when I watched some girl fall over in the yard. I started laughing and pointing, and then went to lean back onto the fence that was behind the bench. Turns out it had broken off where I was standing, and I fell straight through and into the mud. Yep, I had that one coming.
54. The Wrath Of Karma
This story is as instant as instant karma can get. I go to New York City about once a year to visit family. While there, I always crave the "Grandma's Sicilian" pizza, and the best slice in the city is served near my cousin's place. Well, it's NYC, so naturally the joint is crowded as heck with a bunch of different people.
Across from the register, you can buy drinks, and payment is made via an honor system. The cashier can see you take a drink, but 90% of the time, they are occupied with a customer. I've never really stolen before, but my cousin just nonchalantly took a drink and nobody said a word!
I do love me some Peach Snapple, so I got greedy and took two of them. I paid for the food and we were on our way out. At that point, the adrenaline was pumping through my veins. Did I mention my craving for the pizza was so large that I got an entire pizza instead of just one or two slices? Yep, an entire pie for myself. I felt on top of the world—until I walked back to the train station. That's when karma hit me.
I tripped on the curb and fell, landing on the pizza and covering my clothes in the sauce. Both of the Snapple bottles shattered, and the glass lodges itself into my knuckles, palms, and legs. The brand new $60 jeans I purchased the day before at Express got ripped by the glass. Despite cleaning the wounds properly, my hand still became infected that night. Suffice to say I haven’t stolen anything since.
55. Self Burn, Those Are Rare
The other day, I was taking my dog for a walk around the neighborhood. She squatted down to take a poop and I reached for my doggie bags, only to realize I was fresh out. So I peeked around, making sure nobody was looking, and I just left it. 10 minutes later, I was walking across the road and I cut through a thin grass median in the center.
That's when I stepped in dog poop. I wasn't even mad. I knew I deserved it.
56. Foot In Mouth
I was at a party one time and this one girl couldn't stop talking trash about this other girl who was coming to the party. When the other girl showed up, this dude picked her up and hugged her. He spun her around in and by complete accident, the girl's swinging leg made contact with the trash talker's face as she was sitting on the couch. Her drink spilled all over and she got a black eye.
57. Cycle of Getting Yours
I remember once walking home from school, and this kid from my school rode up to me on his bike and started bullying me, trying to run me over and stuff like that. Next thing, not looking where he was going the kid runs over a rock, falls off his bike and smashes himself on the concrete. He was laying there crying and asking for help and I just kept walking. I regret nothing.
58. Flaunt It If You Got It
A number of years ago, my then-boyfriend and I were at our local dive bar having a few beers as usual. All was good until this petite chick with a rocking body strolled in and very blatantly flaunted her stuff to every guy there, including my boyfriend. I'm a decade older than her and I was just like, whatever...as long as she doesn't actually come over and try her stupidness up close and personal.
Eventually, every guy in the bar was so distracted that the whole place started completely malfunctioning. The bartender was too busy flirting with her that he failed to keep our beers coming as usual and my opponent at the pool table was becoming a cake-walk as he was not mentally present.
That's when I started to get annoyed. Of course, I knew that anything I said would sound like I was jealous and envious, so I said nothing and seethed silently, salvaging what I could of my happy hour. Cue karma: She sashayed up to the bar again in her tall wedges and mini skirt, climbed on top of the stool, knelt on it, and leaned forward toward the bartender. She had no panties on. Sexy? Not really, because it was also her time of the month.
59. Playing Engineer
I was trying to sell my apple-seed biodiesel processor. One guy came by who seemed genuinely interested. He said he would pay me $100 to give a demonstration of the whole process. Apparently, he was some big shot with a garage and a fleet of heavy equipment. I demoed the first 90% of the process and explained the rest.
A few weeks go by and I haven't seen my $100 or the guy who wanted to buy the processor. That's when I found out he had tried to make his own processor and failed miserably. He ruined two very expensive dump trucks in the process. They are still sitting behind his house. Yeah, thank you, karma. I may not get my $100, but at least I get some satisfaction.
60. Bossing Around
I worked for a tech company that moved out over a weekend, because the landlords were locking us out that Monday. I'd told my boss we'd want to get the internet set up before the move, since we were, you know, a tech company and it was important the internet worked. He didn't listen. We tried to get someone out on a weekend from the phone company instead.
Got everything hooked up, and gosh, no internet. So, my boss called me in on Sunday to talk to tech support. I'm a family man, and we had a very nice dinner planned. But no, work was more important to my boss. Told him okay, but he'd need to meet me at the office. I did the tech support call, and still no boss. Called him again and told him I really needed him in the office.
When he got there, I handed him my key, the list of passwords to the server, and wrapped them in my resignation letter. Told him I had a family, and being pulled away from Easter Sunday dinner to talk to tech support was the last straw. Told him that I was sure he could find tech administrator on short notice, or he could figure it out himself.
61. Here’s The Kicker
When I was in high school, my city had automatic sprinklers in most of its parks. They would turn on automatically at like 3 or 4 am. Being young and dumb kids, my friends and I figured out that if you kicked them hard enough, the tops would break off and the sprinklers would full-force shoot a huge stream into the air.
We thought it was hilarious and we were never caught. We kept destroying the sprinklers until one day, we were caught completely off-guard. They started replacing them with new super-strong steel ones. I kicked one and broke my big toe. While in agony, I also rolled my ankle so bad that it was bruised up for a week. Even after it healed, it has never been the same.
62. Garfield Comes to Town
At a family dinner, my brother was at a tray of cheese and bread, making a mega bite with all his favorites in it. There was one type of cheese that is his absolute favorite, and he was keeping it for his finale bite. I ask him to bring me a piece of cheese. He quite rudely says "No" in a very loud way, in front of everyone.
I smile and tell him, "You know, I'm not even gonna get mad because karma's gonna take you down." As I finish my sentence, he accidentally drops the mega-bite. It splats on the floor and the cat comes, licks one lick on his favorite cheese, and carries on.
63. Trashing The Joint
When my dad was in college, he lived in a dormitory that had around 15 floors. There was this dude, we'll call him Chester, who lived in the center apartment on the 14th floor, facing the north side. This meant that Chester's window was located directly above the entrance to the dormitory. Important detail: Chester was a jerk.
Chester would come home from school and wind down by throwing water balloons at the people walking into the building. They weren't even people he particularly hated or anything. Chester just did this to everyone for fun. One day, he hit my dad. That was a big mistake. My dad and his friend retaliated by bringing a garbage can up 15 flights of stairs to fill with water in the bathroom.
They then headed up to his friend's dorm, which happened to be the center room on the 15th floor, right above Chester's. When a couple of girls walked up the steps to the door, Chester leaned out of his window, about to throw the balloons. That's when my dad promptly hit him with an entire garbage can of water.
64. Not Your Guy Anymore
I'm an IT consultant, and have a reputation of being really competent with Microsoft Exchange Server. A couple of years ago, I bid on but did not get a project. Multiple servers, multiple sites, and right up my alley. The firm that won the bid did so by pricing it extremely low, about 40% below my price, which was on the low end to begin with.
Totally unrealistic pricing, but they thought they could pull it off with their people. Their people were good generalists but did not have a handle on Exchange 2010. I told the customer—who I'd done work for before and who I'd had a good relationship with—that it was not going to end well for them. They took it as sour grapes on my part. I was so quickly proven right.
I had plenty of other things to do anyway, so I just moved on. Two weeks after they started the implementation phase of the job, the other consulting firm messed up big time. The entire email system stopped working. No mail coming in or out, no mail flowing between any of the Exchange servers, everything just still in the water.
I find this out when I get a call late one evening at my home from the other consulting company, begging me to pull them out of the fire. I told them "no thanks." An hour later, the owner of the other firm is at my front door trying to convince me to help them "for the sake of the customer." This is well after business hours. Then the conversation took a dark turn.
He ends up screaming at me and I slam the door, then call the authorities because I'm tired and afraid that I'll do something stupid if I continue to interact with the guy. Authorities come, he loses it, they detain him for disorderly conduct and I have his freaking car blocking mine in my driveway. I have it towed off, even though I had to pay for the privilege.
He spends the next 24 hours in the slammer. The customer called me the following day and I again declined to fix the mess. By this time, I'd decided I didn't want any of that junk on me, period. The customer then sues the other consulting firm, which promptly files for bankruptcy and closes its doors rather than dealing with it.
65. Ladies Worst
Saw some lady road raging hard at slow traffic going over a dangerous mountain pass. She was trying to run people off the road trying to get around them. I've never seen anything like it, she could've killed someone. Saw her getting forcefully arrested by like six officers at the bottom of the mountain on the other side. Face-pinned to hood and screaming.
66. You’ll Miss Me When I’m Gone
My first job out of high school was working for a rather famous and nation-wide guitar store chain. At first, I thought it would be fun, getting to be around guitars all day and talking music with fellow musicians. Turns out I was wrong. 10-hour shifts five to six days a week while listening to too-loud overhead music over and over again wasn't actually all that great.
But I stuck it out. I needed money and I have one of those "don't quit ever" attitudes. When I got hired, the store was in serious trouble. They had recently fired a huge chunk of the staff for skimming profits and selling substances out of the warehouse. Their numbers were really low, and corporate was breathing down their necks.
But, as it turns out, I have a penchant for selling stuff that I know about. I was the accessories guy and got really, really good at it. I was routinely rolling $30k or better a month out the door, and the most expensive thing I had in my department was only $500. I also had a file with several letters from happy customers saying how much help I had been.
Eventually, the store's numbers improved, especially my department. Suddenly, we were #1 for our district, and #3 on the West coast, behind Hollywood and San Francisco. However, NONE of that mattered to the GM or anyone from corporate. All they wanted was more from me. My numbers had to be better every month, or I'd get yelled at.
I was written up for having a low sales month one January because I went on vacation. I would get daily emails and phone calls from the district and regional managers, demanding to know why I hadn't hit $xxx in sales yet. My hours got bumped up to the point where my days consisted of sleeping, showering, eating, and working.
I had zero social life. My girlfriend at the time would go weeks without seeing me. Eventually, because of the stress, I developed an ulcer. So, I decided to quit. I threw myself into my last month, which just happened to be December, the month all retail workers hate. I worked extra hours, sold as much as I could, contacted old customers, you name it.
Blew everyone out of the water, rolling just shy of $80,000 in gear. My boss called me in to his office and said I was doing a good (not great, good) job, and to keep it up. I pointed to the sales numbers screen, pointed out how well I had been doing and how well-liked I was by the customers, and asked for a raise. His response chilled me to the bone.
He laughed and said no. That was it. So I handed him my resignation letter. Two weeks later, I was done and starting classes in college, something I'd had put off since work wouldn't allow me to cut hours for school. I came back to the store a couple of months later, as someone who had worked with me called and said they'd found a jacket of mine in the warehouse.
When I showed up, the GM wasn't there. I asked and finally found out the truth. Corporate HAD noticed me, and when my GM had failed to retain me, they'd fired him. Also, that department went from #1 to #9 in the district, out of 11 stores, when I left. The district managers were scrambling to recover. I laughed the laugh of the vindicated.
67. Spew Your Heart Out
Guy spewed vomit all over the floor in the bathroom at a bar. As I left the bathroom, a big muscly guy in overalls (no undershirt) was coming in. I tried to get his attention and stop him, but he just shouldered me out of the way. He slipped on said vomit and swore as he fell. As he put his hand down to lift himself up, he yelled a much louder swear! As he realized the vomitus was all over himself.
68. Bowling For Dollars
I worked as a bartender at a bowling alley. For some reason, one of the other bartenders hated me. She was constantly poaching customers from me and never split our tips fairly. She even tried to get the scheduling manager to put her on the days I would be working, just to be a jerk.
One of my regulars also said she caught her pocketing tips and not putting them in our communal bucket while I was working with her. And then tournament season started. People either dreaded it or looked forward to it. It sucked because shifts were twice or three times as long as normal and there was a constant rush of people at the bar, but that also meant we'd make as much in a day as we did in a week.
Well, during the first tournament, she "claimed" a bunch of teams since they were bowling on her side. Apparently, she knew them well and was looking forward to their tournament tips. She came in, saw that I was scheduled to bartend that day, and she flipped right out. She started ranting to the manager—but she had made a fatal mistake.
The owner of the place happened to be standing right there. The owner pretty much said I was one of the better bartenders, so I was getting put on the tournaments, and if she didn't like it she could just leave. So she did...and then I got to work her normal shifts as well.
69. Talk Smack, Get Whacked
My wife was jogging, and a man starts driving slow and catcalling her. Doesn’t realize it’s a red light and rear-ends a truck, totally destroying his Prius. Cop was stopped at the same red light and saw the whole situation. Cop laughed and asked my wife to fill out a witness statement.
It was a busy street, so when I say “driving slow,” I mean he slowed down while passing her, probably hit the lady in the truck doing about 35 in a 50.
70. Taking It To Heart
I work in an ER and an ambulance once brought a girl in after a man had attacked her. She was walking down the street when some guy tackled her to the ground and tried to drag her down an alley. A good samaritan managed to chase him off and call the authorities. But this had an even better ending. About 20 minutes later, they brought in a guy in full cardiac arrest.
Turns out, the officer found the attacker and chased him several blocks when he collapsed and his heart gave out. He was already dead on arrival, and the victim IDed him right there in the ER.
71. Your Loss
My ex-wife screwed around and got pregnant. I took my son and moved out, and the new dude moved in with her. Without doing anything vindictive at all, I got to watch as the two of them wrecked each others' lives. They were so thorough about it, I wound up feeling bad for them. Turns out the best punishment for a man who wants to take your wife is to let him have her.
72. Join the Line
My dad told me this story. He was driving back from the shore when traffic got really bad. About a mile ahead, there was an accident that had brought traffic to a crawl. Stuff happens, and my dad decides to be patient about it. Others...weren’t so patient. People even began driving on the shoulder in order to get ahead of the traffic.
This ticks my dad off. We all know how this goes. We do the right thing and are punished for it, whereas these jerks are skipping in front of traffic and will probably get away with it. He thought about following this stream of cars onto the shoulder, but he decided he’d do the right thing and wait. Then suddenly, karma came along.
As he got closer, he saw two uniformed officers waiting around in a parking lot. One officer was directing all of the shoulder drivers into the parking lot, while the other wrote all of those drivers tickets. My dad describes it as one of the most satisfying things he’s ever seen. Definitely a great call by my dad.
73. Vertically or Horizontally?
In elementary school, there was this girl who was super mean to everyone. She was rather big for her age, and she kept taking people's lunch money and making up stories that got people into trouble. One day when she was feeling particularly mean, she was circling a group of 1st graders with her bike and throwing insults at them.
Suddenly, her bike broke in half—like literally it just snapped in half. She hit the ground rather hard and had to walk home all dirty and with torn clothes. Gave everyone a good laugh, and she wasn't nearly as mean for a few weeks after that.
74. Grand Slam
This idiot who harasses me because I’m a bit of an outcast in my high school said something awful me today: "The only reason why you're here is because your grandma was a hoe who gave birth to a hoe mother!" Well, my grandmother passed yesterday. But I got my revenge. The principal overheard her, and now she can’t walk on graduation.
75. T-Bonehead
I was stopped at a red light waiting to turn right. I couldn't see if there was any traffic coming because of how the intersection was set up and there was a bus in the left-turn lane, so I was just waiting for a green. The person behind me clearly wanted me to turn because she was honking, yelling, and giving me the finger. After a couple of seconds, she decided to drive around me...and was immediately T-boned.
76. Punch-Man!
I work at a residential facility for individuals with developmental disabilities. The other day, I was punching out after working an overnight shift and I hear the nurse who administers medication screaming at staff over something relatively minor in front of the residents while they were eating their breakfast.
I leave and go across the street to another house because I had to hand in paperwork there. A few minutes later, the same nurse comes into the house I am now in to begin administering medications. The second she steps in the house, a resident runs up to her, punches her in the face, and runs away. So satisfying.
77. When It Rains, It Pours
I had a moron driver in a Porsche convertible tailgating me on a six-lane highway. I wasn't in the far right lane, but I was in the middle so he still could have passed if he wanted to. At one point, he finally passed me and honked his horn as he did. As we got on the Chesapeake Bay Bridge, it immediately started torrentially pouring.
There was nowhere for him to stop, so he had to drive a several-mile-long bridge with his top down the whole way.
78. Home Sweet Home
I live in a college town. My roomies and I planned to throw a rager on my birthday. When we finished setting up, we started playing music and drinking. It was around 11 pm and there were maybe 20 people already in attendance. The party was slowly gaining life...but then we heard knocks on the door and saw flashlights through the blinds. We immediately got chills up our spines.
I knew there were uniformed officers at the door, but I thought to myself that it was way too early for them to be busting us, so I went outside to talk to them just to make sure. As I opened the door, there were two officers standing there…and my neighbor. Everyone inside immediately left as one of the officers is wrote me a ticket. The neighbor approached me, saying that we couldn't be holding these types of parties because he has kids.
I was angry, but there was nothing I could do—the party was over, and I would have to go to court to contest the ticket. But the best part was yet to come. A couple of months later, my roommate ran into me with a worried look on his face. He said, "You have to come outside right now!" I asked him what was going on, but he didn't tell me.
I went outside and there were officers everywhere. They were in the alley hiding behind sheds and dumpsters. I went to the front of the house and there was a huge black vehicle that looked like a tank. The street was closed off and I was pretty freaked out at this point because I didn't know what was going on. I soon found out, though.
Guys in full camo armor busted into my neighbor’s house and dragged him out. Apparently, they had a search warrant because he was selling substances right from his house...where he had his kids. That's karma.
79. Don’t Put Your Eggs In One Basket
On a backpacking trip around Greece, I had a bad experience in a hotel and decided to take one of their beautifully-painted stone eggs from the bowl in the reception as compensation. When we were on the ferry to the next island, I started noticing a horrible smell coming from my bag. It turns out that it was not a stone egg at all, but a painted boiled egg that had broken in my bag.
The whole thing had become so rotten that it had turned a nice shade of green, and the smell was almost intolerable. I had to borrow a lot of my friend’s clothes for the rest of the trip, but at least it taught me a good lesson.
80. A Sign From Above
My ex-wife cheated on me with my good friend. Apparently, they regularly met at his house. I was stupid because I would regularly pick her up from there. When I found out the news, I left and she moved in with him. A few weeks later, a tornado ripped through the countryside, hitting their love shack and destroying the home.
81. Classic Squirrel
Many years ago, a group of us were together with a guy who was nicknamed "Squirrel." He was a small guy who loved attention and didn't care what kind. He would do stuff like jump in puddles to splash people who were just walking along. One day, we were walking down a sidewalk and there was a large fresh pile of dog poop on the walkway.
He dropped back a little behind us, then ran forward and took a leap to land on it just as we were close. Except it was apparently very slippery. His feet slipped out from under him and he landed right in it. It was a thing of beauty.
82. Mind Your Manners
This happened to me at work. One of my customers was trying to pay with a thousand coins for a $5 scratch-off. She told me she was only 10 cents short. She ended up being over a dollar short, then complained when I didn't give her the scratch-off. She went off on me, saying that any decent person would have spotted her the money. I pretty much told her she could go down the street and try her luck there instead.
All of a sudden, she pulled out a 20-dollar bill and bought two tickets. As she walked out of the store, she said to me, "Karma is a witch.” Then, she proceeded to go to her car. That's when an officer pulled up behind her and blocked her in. They proceeded to search her car and detain and her boyfriend. It was hilarious. Turns out, she was right: Karma is a witch.
83. Kindness: The Ultimate Knife-Repellant
I was flying cross-country on a space-available ticket and ended up having a layover in Chicago. I was walking around trying to find a restaurant close to my hotel and I passed this dude on the street, begging for some money to buy something to eat. Now, I'm used to seeing people with a cardboard sign or whatnot, but actually approaching people was pretty new to me.
I thought to myself, "Man, this guy is probably just looking for booze money and I'm going to call his bluff.” So, I walk up to him and say, "Tell you what: I won't give you any money, but I'm on my way to get a bite to eat and if you want, you can come along with me and I'll get you whatever you want." I did not expect his response.
I was feeling pretty cocky, and figured he would turn me down with some excuse. "Absolutely!" was what he said. So, he picks up his stuff and starts walking with me. We settle on some Ruby Tuesday or Applebee's-ish place. He says he can't decide between a big steak or ribs, and I wave him off with my hand and tell him I have no problem buying him both. But this is when things got truly weird.
As we eat, he pulls out the biggest knife I've ever seen in person. He puts it on the table and says to me, "I can't tell you how freaking hungry I was. Everybody was passing me on the street, some of them would glare or ignore me, some would talk smack. I told myself the next idiot who had something clever to say to me was getting cut."
I was freaking frozen. Conversation eventually moved on and we both finished our dinners, and I talked him into dessert. In the process, I told him I was extremely interested in his knife and was in the market for one, and I offered him 250 bucks for his. He was ecstatic and sold it to me. I just figured that dude really didn't need a knife on him like that.
I figured he could use the money more than the knife. I gave it to a uniformed officer and said I found it lying around on the street. Maybe someone’s life was saved that day, who knows. Life taught me a few lessons that night, though: Don't judge, because people aren't always who you think they are, and be nice.
84. Spinning Out of Control
I hit my girlfriend in the forehead with a spinning fidget spinner. She chased me, I jumped on my bed, and my ceiling fan smacked the living snot out of me. She was on the floor laughing for a solid five minutes. I am a firm believer in karma now... or maybe just idiocy on my part.
85. Humbled
I was 10 and he was 12. We lived on the same street and he would walk past my house on the way home from school. For whatever reason, I picked on him. After several days of me teasing him, he paused and stared into my eyes. I walked up toward the driveway and got in his face. At that point, he unleashed the craziest barrage of punches and kickboxing combinations that I simply did not expect.
I took a few to my eye and bloodied my face. Needless to say, he made me cry and run away like a coward. This was one of the most transformational experiences of my life. It taught me self-control, humility, and absolute respect.
86. Pick On Somebody Your Own Size
I was working in a pub in Liverpool and had just arrived for my shift at about 10 am. I knocked on the door and waited for someone to let me in. That’s when I heard the sound of some voices shouting. I turned around to see two guys with their shirts off swaggering towards me and talking to me in a language I didn't understand.
They came right up to me and, with what little English they did know, they called me a bunch of nasty slurs. I was knocking on the door really hard at this point, but after insulting me, they left me alone and proceeded to walk off towards a busy road, laughing. I kept an eye on them as they walked out into the traffic, waving their arms at the cars to stop for them and giving the drivers the finger when they didn’t.
Suddenly, one of the cars actually did stop and four big guys got out. One of the nasty dudes ran off, but the "big man" got caught up to him and shoved him, hard, against the car a couple of times, clearly hurting his head and elbow. Then, another one of the big guys drew his fist far back, clearly about to punch the other misfit. The little jerk covered his face and screamed.
They didn't get hit, but a bunch of passersby started laughing. They let him go and he ran away. That felt good.
87. Ignored No More
I worked selling shoes for two years on a weekend-only basis during school at a nationally-recognized chain. Never offered a raise, never offered to open the store, never given any recognition. When I asked for some more responsibilities, I was told I was unimportant, as two new outside managers were coming in.
One of these guys managed a section of PetSmart, and the other had no prior experience whatsoever. I put in my two weeks notice. Both people came in on my last day, so I showed them everything I learned and all the small quirks of the inventory that we had there. Both quit within a week, and the store closed within four months.
88. Need a Shoulder to Cry on?
I was sitting on a highway late at night because of a bad car accident. The highway was packed and barely moving. One guy thinks he's smarter than everyone else and tries to drive on the shoulder. He makes it a good way before running into an on-ramp, also packed with cars. He had nowhere to go, and no one let him in.
I went from watching him pass me and almost getting out of my view to passing him and losing sight of him in my rearview. Now that’s some sweet, sweet karma if I’ve ever seen it.
89. I Let It Slip
Was a lifeguard and a kid (9-10 years old) kept running around on the pool deck. He clearly heard me several times yelling at him to walk, and he ignored me. Next time he ran, he slipped and fell flat on his butt and started crying. The only thing I said was “That’s why I told you to walk” and his mom definitely gave me the evil eye.
I didn’t give a darn though, that’s what you get for not following the rules!
90. It’s a Trap!
I was with some friends walking around Boston. One of them pulls out some gum and I immediately shout, "Hey! Can I have a piece!?" My friend looks down and tells me that it's his last piece, so I can’t have any. He waits a second and then says that actually I can have it. I immediately reach for it, but stop myself since I would've felt bad taking his last piece.
Another friend who is kind of a jerk ran up and grabbed the piece anyway. He then yelped when he got shocked, because the gum was actually prank toy.
91. The Big Boom
This is from my younger years. A friend of mine had a cousin visiting around Victoria Day in Canada, which involves a lot of fireworks. When I went to visit him, I was told he was in the backyard. I go back there and he and his cousin are setting off firecrackers. I ask if I can set a couple off, and they both start tossing lit firecrackers at me while laughing.
I figure that they are both acting like greedy jerks, so I decided to leave. Just as I'm about to, a spark gets into the firecracker bowl they had. The entire bowl ignites, no more firecrackers. The stunned look on my friend and his cousin's face was pure "karma is a witch." I laughed at them, since I'm sure they planned a whole afternoon of setting them off.
92. Wheeling And Dealing
A cyclist flew through a red light at an intersection and I almost clobbered him. I was used to these guys, so I just harrumphed and slowed down. This then guy proceeded to cut me off AGAIN and also threw his cigarette at me. I used to be a smoker and a litterer back then, so in my frustration, I flicked my butt out of my window and put both hands on the wheel.
The butt caught the wind and flicked back into the cyclist’s face, causing him to crash into the median. It’s still satisfying thinking about it.
93. The Countdown Begins
I work for a unloading service in a warehouse. One of the guys on my crew is an absolute little whiner sometimes. Complains about his work, tries to leave early every day, bums smokes off everyone without ever bringing his own pack, etc. He even owes some of my other coworkers money, I believe. But the worst was yet to come.
On Thursday, he lost his mind over a produce load and threw a temper tantrum: Kicking boxes, tearing down tall pallets of product, and causing a lot of damage...right as the site manager walked by his trailer door. Got suspended without pay and was told he is on his last chance with the company. Sweet, sweet, karma.
94. I’ll Take It
My last job, I was friends with everyone I worked with...except the boss. She hated me, for multiple stupid reasons. One being I constantly called her out on her awful work ethic. I know you think helping customers is your lowers' job, but when I have both lines on the phone ringing and I'm the only one on register, you walking back and forth outside of the store on your cell with a personal call isn't cool.
She eventually got sick of me not kissing her butt, so she fired me for "insubordination." Then she was fired a week later for not fulfilling her duties, multiple complaints from customers and employees, and falsifying documents. Now my best friend is the manager, but the jerk boss labeled me as "un-hire-able," so now he can't rehire me. I guess we both lose.
95. Open Season
I have a farm in Africa. It's a small farm, family land for several generations. My cousins who live there are pretty much subsistence farmers; they eat what they grow. There's also a pond we fill to fish farm when it's not too dry. Anyway, I'm visiting them, helping fertilize the field before we get to planting.
All of sudden a big Land Rover pulls up. Full of tourists; I think they were English by their accents. They are lost, trying to get to a resort that's far away. We give directions. They don't like that we've told them it's a long route, even though it really was the correct route. They tell us that the Land Rover can "go through anything" and want to cut through the field.
They offer to pay us. Well, would any farmer allow such a thing? We say no. At some point, they just take off...and drive right into the muddy pond that's hard to see because it's overgrown this time of year. Land Rovers are wonderful for off-road. But several feet of mud and vines and weeds? They swirl, and turn, and back up, just getting more stuck.
Finally, they emerge on foot through the mud. We are so shocked we can't even laugh...until later. They walk up to us and sheepishly ask to hire a car. We charged them well. Also charged the towing company that came to get their car. My cousins made a tidy sum. It's now the family joke that we should be growing tourist cars instead of Maize and fish....
96. This Stag Bucks
Last spring, I didn't get a date to the junior prom. I wasn't thrilled but I figured I'd go stag. I found the perfect dress and was actually really excited. Then my group of friends said I couldn't come with them. Why? I didn't have a date and it would "ruin the pictures" if I stood by myself. And wouldn't it just be so awkward for me?
They also said it would be somehow "weird' for me to get ready with them and this girl's house beforehand. And of course, wouldn't I just be so uncomfortable being the only one in the limo with no boyfriend? And what would I do afterwards? Everyone knows what happens at the parties. So, I didn't go at all. Guess whose limo never showed up?
97. The Tables Have Turned
I had a "friend" in high school who would constantly tell me to off myself. She would spread horrible rumors about me and demonize me in the hallways. This girl was the typical cheerleader type girl who got everything she wanted, so I guess that's why she always acted like she was better than me. Fast forward a few years and I moved out to LA for an awesome job after I graduated college.
She contacted me, asking if I would talk to my boss to see if I could get her a job since it was also her dream job. It may sound petty, but it was so nice to know that for once she wasn't going to get everything she wanted. She had treated me so badly, and then years later she really thought I would help her out. I didn’t.
98. Take A Picture, It’ll Last Longer
When I was seven, I had this really terrible babysitter. She would call 911 and yell for assistance before hanging up really quickly, just for fun. She would also regularly forget to make us dinner. The worst thing she did, however, was bring her boyfriend over so that they could make out on the couch and watch movies. Classic teenage stuff, really.
Every time he was over, she would lock me in my room and my five-year-old autistic brother in the basement. He didn't understand how locks or light switches worked, so he cried pretty much the entire time. One day, shortly after Christmas while she was over, I took my new point and shoot the camera out for a spin, pretending I was a detective.
I would creep along walls and jump around corners, snapping away at whatever I could find. I could hear my babysitter talking to her boyfriend on the phone, so I thought I would "investigate." I crept up to the kitchen and then swung around the corner, snapping away in my camera. She got really angry and chased me around the house as I was laughing my head off.
The next week, my mom took me to get my film developed. She and I sat down in the mall food court and looked at the pictures...because what mom wouldn't want to see the pictures their son took with their Christmas present? As we flipped through, my mom snatched one of the pictures. Her face went red with fury. What was it, you ask? My mom was holding photographic proof of my babysitter going through my mom’s purse.
I've never seen my mom go off on anyone as she did on that 16-year-old witch.
99. Room Service
For a full year, my college roommate secretly slept with my boyfriend while I was at class. I routinely took more than a full course load and was in math and science classes or study groups every morning. One day, I walked in to see a horrifying sight. They were just fully in the act after I came back early from a cancelled class.
I moved out. I was more angry at her than heartbroken. I also lost most of my friends through the breakup, and they stuck together for a good while. Fast forward five years later. Those two throw a crazy expensive engagement party at the guy's parents' beach house, which was attended by some still-mutual friends who told me everything.
At the party, she caught him sleeping with one of the waitresses from the catering company in a bathroom. They still got married. I feel a little bad for her despite the karma balance. She feels like she can't do better than being with a cheater.
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100. The Principle of the Thing
I worked as a database administrator for a community center one summer in university. Basically, I created a database for them to track who was donating to them and how much they were donating, as well a who was volunteering, and for how many hours. Very simple work and despite being the youngest person on staff, I got along well with my co-workers.
Well, except for my immediate boss, who was a total piece of work. The next spring, I was applying for jobs and e-mailed my old boss to ask for a letter of recommendation. Much to my surprise, she told me that she didn't write recommendation letters "out of principle." I was pretty ticked off about it because I was finding it very difficult to find a position.
Not being able to count on my most recent employer for a reference was a definite blemish on my resume. However, in spite of this, I managed to land a decent job. Lo and behold, I got to get revenge on day one of my new job. That day, my boss happened to email me about a problem at my old work with the database I had worked on.
She had moved some files around, rendering it impossible for her to access the database. She asked if I would come in. I had the perfect reply. I e-mailed her back and told her I already had a job and couldn't do it "out of principle." From the center's perspective, it effectively made my entire summer a waste of time. Hey, what can you do?
101. If The Shoe Doesn’t Fit…
I work in a shoe shop. One of the services we supply is to check how well school shoes fit on our younger customers. Once a staff member has signed to say they are a good fit, the customer is able to bring them back if there are any problems. This one time, a mother came back in with her son a week after being fitted with a pair, loudly mouthing off that the shoes were too tight and causing blisters.
Even though she was being a psycho about it, we offered to get her a new pair. Once back in the kids department, she spotted the girl who fitted the original shoes and went crazy at her, demanding that the girl should be there while a better pair was fitted so she wouldn't make the same mistake again. Despite the mom saying some pretty degrading stuff about her, the girl agreed to sit in on the re-fit in an attempt to help out.
She remembered the customer, even to the point of remembering the child’s name, and was visibly upset about doing a bad job. Returning to the till, the fitter offered to put the exchange through as a final gesture of goodwill. She then froze, realization dawning on her. "These aren't your sons shoes" she said to the customer. They have a name tag inside saying Tommy, and your son’s name is Billy.
Turns out the kid had swapped his shoes with another boy in his class. Laughed that witch out of the shop.
102. Rebutting In
I had a client who, despite being a large man, had been domestically mistreated by his much smaller wife throughout their marriage. After the divorce, she turned her anger on their son. He ran away one day to live with his dad, and we filed to restrict his ex's parenting time and ask for a permanent modification to the custody agreement.
At the permanent hearing, she denied hurting the child or my client in front of the child, said she never threatened anyone ever, and that she never made disparaging remarks about my client in front of their son, either. But there was one big thing she didn’t know and couldn’t tell her attorney. My client had recorded multiple instances of her doing all of these things.
So I called my client back up for rebuttal right after her testimony and played an audio recording of her screaming at my client, threatening to break his face in, and calling him a loser, all while the child could be heard in the background begging her to stop. I looked over at the other attorney and she had her face in her hands. We won.
103. What He Does In The Shadows
I worked for an online banking help desk and this 18-year-old boy phoned up, saying he had seen a transaction for $7 to “allpay” and because he didn't recognize it, he decided the bank was robbing him of $7 and that I was in on it and I was a "thieving little jerk”. Then he gets his dad on the phone who stuck up for his idiot of a son, saying I was a pathetic idiot stealing off an 18-year-old boy, even though it was a debit card transaction and I simply worked in the department that helped people use online banking.
But anyway, I phoned our debit card services to see if they could give any more information, and boy could they. I then had the pleasure of relaying back to this little brat’s equally bratty father the following.
"Hi sir, thanks for holding. I've checked with our debit card services team and I now understand why your son would not have recognized the payee “allpay”. That's a deliberately vague term used for discretion when the customer has subscribed to online adult images. That's what it was for. Your son has been paying for online videos of that nature. Would you like to pop him back on the phone so I can tell him it's a payment for this, or will you pass on the information?"
The father just muttered that the issue did not require any further investigation, thanked me for looking into it, and hung up.
104. The Principle of the Thing
I worked as a database administrator for a community center one summer in university. Basically, I created a database for them to track who was donating to them and how much they were donating, as well a who was volunteering, and for how many hours. Very simple work and despite being the youngest person on staff, I got along well with my co-workers.
Well, except for my immediate boss, who was a total piece of work. The next spring, I was applying for jobs and e-mailed my old boss to ask for a letter of recommendation. Much to my surprise, she told me that she didn't write recommendation letters "out of principle." I was pretty ticked off about it because I was finding it very difficult to find a position.
Not being able to count on my most recent employer for a reference was a definite blemish on my resume. However, in spite of this, I managed to land a decent job. Lo and behold, I got to get revenge on day one of my new job. That 3day, my boss happened to email me about a problem at my old work with the database I had worked on.
She had moved some files around, rendering it impossible for her to access the database. She asked if I would come in. I had the best reply. I e-mailed her back and told her I already had a job and couldn't do it "out of principle." From the center's perspective, it effectively made my entire summer a waste of time. Hey, what can you do?
105. Room Service
For a full year, my college roommate secretly slept with my boyfriend while I was in class. I routinely took more than a full course load and was in math and science classes or study groups every morning. One day, I walked in to see a horrifying sight. They were just fully in the act after I came back early from a canceled class.
I moved out. I was more angry at her than heartbroken. I also lost most of my friends through the breakup, and they stuck together for a good while. Fast forward five years later. Those two throw a crazy expensive engagement party at the guy's parents' beach house, which was attended by some still-mutual friends who told me everything.
At the party, she caught him sleeping with one of the waitresses from the catering company in a bathroom. They still got married. I feel a little bad for her despite the karma balance. She feels like she can't do better than being with a cheater.
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106. A Taste Of Your Own Medicine
When I was in my early 20s, I worked at a supermarket. I should note that I was a pretty reliable employee. I was never late, in fact I often got in early, and I rarely called in sick. At the time this happened, I had not called in sick for nine months, and even then, the manager had sent me home. Anyway this next time, I had been up all night, swinging between burning hot and freezing cold so I was obviously feverish, and I had been throwing up “at both ends” shall we say.
At one point at about 2 am I was on the toilet, with my head in the sink, utterly miserable. I must have passed out because the next thing I knew I was lifting my head off the sink and it was 7 am. I was due to start work at 12 that day but that obviously wasn't going to happen. So I called up the manager. Let's call the manager Steve. Steve was known for being a real jerk.
He never believed anyone who called in sick except his best buds (usually other managers, never lowly staff), but often called in sick himself (a lot of the time we knew it was because he was hungover and not actually sick). The conversation went as follows: Me: Hey Steve, sorry, I can't come in. I'm sick. Steve: With what? Me: I don't know. I think it might be the flu. I've been up all night being sick, and I have a fever.
Steve: Don't be stupid. If you had the flu you'd be completely knocked out. I need you in. Come in or you're fired. Me: I can't. I just told you I can't stop vomiting. I passed out. Steve: (growling angrily) Either come in or bring a doctor’s note, or you're fired! In the UK, you are allowed to self-certify for 5 days. This means you can tell your employer you are sick and you do not need a doctor’s note.
If you're sick for more than 5 days, you then need a note. It is also totally against the law to demand a doctor’s note during the self-certify period. There was just one problem. I knew this, but I was terrified. This was during the recession, and I couldn't afford to lose my job. So I got myself dressed. Almost passed out trying to do so. Then trudged to the doctor’s some 25 minutes’ walk away.
I end up sitting in the doctor's office for a little over an hour, which for walk-in was pretty good. I get in to see the doctor and she is furious at me for coming in. You're not supposed to come to the doctors when you have a cold or flu, and of course I knew I should be able to self-certify. She told me as such, saying I shouldn't be here and should have stayed at home.
I then explained what had happened with Steve and how he had threatened to fire me over this and I couldn't afford to lose my job since I was struggling as it was. My doctor’s anger transformed into something beautiful. She shifted it to my manager, then asked if I got sick pay from the company. I said yes. "He wants a sick note does he," the doctor says. "Okay. I'll give him a sick note.”
Now, my manager just wanted a note confirming I was sick, but instead my doctor wrote something along the lines of this: “[My Name] has come to the surgery because Steve has insisted she come in, in spite of the fact that this against the law and all employees are allowed to self-certify. Due to being forced to make this unnecessary and highly dangerous trip when the patient is ill, has a fever of 39°C, and almost passed out in the waiting room, I am signing [my name] off for two full weeks to recover.
Had [my name] been allowed to self-certify as is the law, they might only have needed a few days, but due to straining themselves, they now require two full weeks. They are not to be permitted to work until [date 2 weeks later].” The doctor said she would have signed me off for longer but this was the longest she could do without requiring further evidence.
So basically, instead of just being off for a few days, I was now signed off for a full two weeks, and I'd be paid for it. I went to my place of work, at which point one of the duty managers saw me and asked me what the heck I was doing here, go home, I was obviously very unwell. I explained what happened. They agreed to help me downstairs to Steve's office and went with me inside.
I handed Steve the note. He looked worried and tried to say “I wasn't being serious about firing you.” Well gee, when you angrily growled it down the phone it sure sounded like it. The duty manager then declared that they were going to drive me home. It was clear Steve wanted to argue but had the sense to know he shouldn't. The duty manager then drove me home, made sure I was okay, then went back to work. Then came the best part.
The duty manager then informed our union rep of what had happened. Steve had a disciplinary hearing where he was given a severe reprimand and a warning. Steve tried to argue he never said I'd be fired and I was lying and just decided to go to the doctor's, but the duty manager said they heard him admit to it when he said to me that he really didn't mean it.
I felt better after a few days and enjoyed my two weeks off, fully paid, and enjoyed the nice weather we had. Meanwhile, Steve was forced to work overtime because we were short-staffed. So thanks to the doctor, instead of being off for a few days, I ended up getting a nice two-week paid vacation, and Steve was given a final warning, all because he insisted I get a doctor’s note, and I did.
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