15. Keep a Calendar
A friend called me saying he had been kicked out and need help picking his stuff up. I was doing well in chemistry at the time—the only class I had that morning, so I figured I could skip one and go help. I show up two days later for the next class, and they begin handing out some papers. I didn't know what was happening until I looked at the paper my neighbor got. My blood ran cold: It was a graded mid-term. The one class I missed was the day of the big test.
The teacher did not let me retake it, but I had good grades up to that point, and made a good grade on the second midterm and the final. I also did an extra credit assignment near the end which boosted my grade. Overall, I probably lost half a letter grade, but my final grade was 82 so it would have been a B either way. Still, one of the worst feelings I have ever had though.
16. Explosive Training
I was doing a grenade training exercise in Afghanistan and my platoon had the day off, so the tour commander scheduled a big range for us to go practice. We were using many types of arms that day, with a lot of bigger stuff. It was an exciting day, because as a standard infantryman you don't get to use that stuff hardly ever. The range was just starting and our other squad got to start with rocket launchers, I was very jealous because my squad got stuck with grenades first which is the most boring range of all those listed before.
We start a line to start lobbing them over the barriers downrange. A guy in my squad, let's call him Smith, comes up to the plate and readies his grenade. As he threw it, the spoon on the grenade caught on his sleeve and hit the top of the barrier and fell straight down. Everyone yells and takes off running back to the concrete safety trench about 30 feet behind us. Everyone except me. I was next in line (so closest to the grenade minus the guy throwing) and as I pivoted to run, I slipped and fell no more than 10-15 ft away from the grenade.
At that moment I decided not to get back up and thought "It's over". When grenades explode, there is a cone of the explosion where a sliver above the ground does not get hit by shrapnel, and I just so happened to be in that protective cone. Those 3 seconds felt like a lifetime. The grenade went off and absolutely rocked me. But somehow, I was unscathed.
My squad leader came to check on me and rolled me over yelling my name. As I rolled over, I just looked and him and cussed. I honestly was shaken up for only like a minute and wanted to resume the range so I could shoot the big stuff. But since we had an accident, our range was shut down and we never got to go back the rest of deployment.
17. Doctor’s Bane
When I was young, our old dog ran full pace into the back of my legs. As I was falling over, I thought, "Well life was fun, this is going to hurt!" Then my head connected with the concrete with a loud bang that my mum heard from the other side of the house. I woke up dazed and my head was throbbing, I was rushed to the hospital and was told I was fine.
BUT, since that day I've really struggled when talking. I cannot pronounce words correctly, sentences get jumbled, I have trouble staying focused, and I get splitting headaches right around the back of my head where it was hit! I also have other side effects and to this day, and no doctor has ever been able to tell me why.
18. Skeptical Gas
I passed gas on a night bus from Bosnia to Serbia, and was surprised with explosive diarrhea.
19. A Rough Landing
I spent a few years skydiving every weekend. On jump 17 (I'm solo at this point but don't yet have my license) things were going well. My canopy deployed, and I started thinking about the landing pattern. I look down, and check the windsock on the ground to make my landing choice. Once I'm committed, I notice people landing in the opposite direction than I am going—you land into the wind to slow your speed—and I'm wondering why they're all doing it wrong … and then I realize. Uh-Oh. They're going the right way, I'm going the wrong way.
So, with the wind at my back, I look down and realize I am moving very fast. There is now no way I can run this out and even if I try rolling on the landing there's going to be a lot of momentum. I am going to wipe out. I look at the landing area and see a sandpit, say a prayer, and head for it. I drill myself into the sand. Nothing is broken. I'm a little bruised and very lucky to be alive.
And that's when the safety officer started shouting at me. I was in trouble. I didn't get grounded but was reamed out loudly and publicly—and again later at the club meeting.
20. Road Rage
About 8 years ago, my friend Drew flipped off this truck full of bros that were tailgating us. They followed us to a grocery store parking lot and got out to confront us. I peeled out. I started speeding down the road, and next thing I know I'm in a full-on car chase. Being dumb, I turn off the main road because I was hoping I could lose them. Nope.
They cornered us in a cul-de-sac. All the bros got out of the truck and two of them had bats. I was pretty sure I was about to die. Dude came to the window and started screaming at me about how much of a wuss I was and how easily he could kill me. Then he bucked at me, turned around, got in his truck and left. Scariest experience I've ever had in my life.
To this day, I won't even honk at someone no matter what they do on the road.
21. Side Swiped
I got sideswiped going 75 mph on a freeway, on the front end of my vehicle. The other driver noticed at the last second that they were in the exit-only lane. They sent my car across all 5 lanes, and as I was coming up to the median head-on, I thought, "I'm screwed." I knew I was going through it, and into oncoming traffic going 70 mph.
At the last second, I got hit by another SUV. Little did I know, this would save my life. The force of the SUV spun me around putting my car facing the correct way of traffic. My head smashed the driver's side window, and I somehow lost my left shoe through that window and my phone that was in the center cup holder. I went to the hospital and got MRI and x-rays.
I walked away with an abrasion on my neck from the seatbelt, a cut on my forehead from the window, and sore muscles. The car was totaled. The driver's side rear wheel was gone, along with the entire trunk. If the SUV hit me a second sooner, I would have smashed my head into its grill. A second later, it would have missed me and I would have gone over the median into oncoming traffic.
22. A Time Before Private Browsing
When I was 15-ish, my parents discovered my less-than-Christian internet habits and installed an extremely rigid internet blocker. Well, I found out that I could access the internet with my phone. It was an old flip phone from about 2003, and I was surprised it had internet at all. I couldn't visit websites or play videos; all I could really do was get Google Image results.
But it was better than nothing, until about a week later, when my father came downstairs and asked, "Hey, I just got a bill for $50 surcharge on one of our phones, do you know why that might be the case?" Externally, I said "nope," and he said, "Huh. I'll have to look into it." But internally, I died. Turns out there's a $1 charge every time you use the internet on that phone.
So, my options were basically to come clean, or to let them look into it and see the plethora of dirty searches I'd done. That was a bad day for 'ole Mitch, let me tell you.
23. The Wrong Bottle
Parents left for the weekend, so I had a party, and found a bottle of wine from the wine rack. "Come over, let’s drink it, my older brother will go to a liquor store and replace it tomorrow" We drink wine, get drunk, and have fun. The next day my older brother calls and says they can't find anything that looks like the bottle on the shelf; he asks me to read the label exactly as it says. I read the label.
Limited edition. Specific year. There’s a card around the top that says, “To: mom and dad, from boss.” My older brother informs me that the clerk told him it was a $300-400 bottle of wine, limited edition. It was presented to my mother when she had won an award. We replaced it with a 12$ bottle of wine, hoping my parents wouldn't notice.
They did.
Flickr, Marco Verch
24. Glacier Cold
I was backpacking with a bunch of friends in the mountains, and several days into the hike we set up camp by a large pristine lake. While everyone was sunning themselves, I decided to swim to the other side of the lake. The water was cold, but I didn't think twice about it as swimming pools also seem cold when you first jump in.
I got about a quarter of the way across when I realized that the lake was way colder than any swimming pool I'd been in, and that the cold was sapping my strength, so I turned back (before I set out I didn't know that cold water could do that, plus I was in really good shape at the time). On the way back I quickly got to the point where I no longer had the strength to do the crawl stroke so I switched to the sidestroke.
When I no longer had the strength for that, I flipped over onto my back and tried to get to shore by just kicking and moving my hands back and forth. I finally got to the point where I couldn't even do that back thing and realized I was too weak to call out to my friends for help. At that point I thought, "Well, I'm screwed" and sort of let my body sink to the bottom thinking that I was about to drown.
What I didn't realize (because I was on my back) was that I was so close to shore that I was literally inches above the bottom so I was able to crawl/stagger out of the lake.
25. Heavy Sleeper
I set five alarms on my phone so I could wake up, get ready, and get to the airport on time for my flight to see my parents on the other side of the world. I wake up to a phone call from my parents asking if I got to the airport okay, and I look at the time and feel my stomach drop... I somehow slept through all five alarms. That was an expensive day.
26. Ten-Year-Old Strength
Got double-jumped by a WAY bigger kid on one of the old school trampolines back when I was about 10-years-old. My trajectory had me coming down on the rail right between my legs. I summoned the power of a thousand ten-year-olds and managed to stop my entire body with my hands on that rail. I now have a 3-year-old son as a reward for my burst of strength.
My gonads lived to see another day.
27. A Fair Warning
Went on a double date when I was 20-years-old. We took the girls to a lookout cabin in the Gatineau Hills. No imminent action, so me and the dude got bored. We decided to climb down a steep hill to find a waterfall we could hear. It was 2 feet tall... not worth it, considering... The other dude has the bright idea to climb up directly under the girls and scare them.
This section is a sheer cliff but whatever—we're 20 and invincible. Or so we thought. Right near the top my friend points to a rock and says, "Careful, this one's loose." He then proceeds to step on said rock and push himself up and over the edge. I get to the same spot and that particular rock is looking pretty handy. I assumed if it could hold my buddy's weight, I could grab it for a quick second.
Nope. I was so, so wrong. The rock came straight out. Super slow-motion in my head... I'm done. 60 feet straight down. I should be dead. Instead, it's 20 years later and I'm tapping away my story on a handheld supercomputer while pooping. Life is grand, kids.
28. Guardian Angel
Years ago, as I little kid, I went swimming with some friends at a remote beach in Hawaii. I was tired so I started just treading water and resting when I noticed that the shore was getting farther and farther away from me. I was caught in a riptide and was being taken out to sea. I tried to swim back to shore but couldn't make any headway against the tide.
I looked around and saw the worst thing I could imagine: A couple of shark fins were further out. That's when I started to really panic. I was struggling to get to shore, swimming harder than I'd ever swam in my whole life. Seemingly out of nowhere a surfer glided his board next to me and asked me if I wanted a ride to shore, which I gladly accepted.
When we got to shore the guy sensed that I was about to start crying because I was so frightened about my close call. He put his arm around me and offered to buy me some snacks at a nearby food truck. My guardian angel if ever there was one. I should mention that the surfer responded to the pleas from my friends to adults on the beach about my predicament.
My friends saw me out there and got concerned and started to ask adults to help me. The surfer got on his board and responded.
29. A Long Way Down
I had an "Uh-Oh" moment when I was skydiving. It has been years since it happened, but I had done two tandem jumps and had a blast. I then did the accelerated freefall course one Saturday. We went up in the plane, and when we were at altitude, we all climb out onto the wing. Three of us with an instructor on each side of me. I did the part where you lift your body three times and release.
So far so good. Each instructor is still with me at this point. I look at one, look at my altimeter, give him a thumbs up, look at the other one and do the same. I then wave my arms to signal that I am going to pull the chute. The instructors float away and I pull my cord. The chute comes out, but it didn't fully deploy. The piece of canvas that is supposed to spread the chute out got stuck and my chute was still vertical. I wasn't slowing down. That was when I thought, "Oh no. Now what."
Luckily, I didn't really panic. I just remembered that the instructors said that this was a possibility and to shake the straps. I did that and my chute fully deployed. Safe landing, and I was able to run it out. I would do it again, but I moved to Texas shortly after that, and haven't been skydiving since.
30. Trouble in Japan
Went on a bender while on a business trip to Japan. I managed to pass out in someone’s front yard and was woken up by the police at 5am. I was taken to police station and during the process they found a small amount of illicit substances on me. I knew I was screwed and looking at a long stint in a Japanese jail. Life flashed before my eyes, the whole bit.
The lower level cops called down a more senior detective and showed him what they found. He gave an almost imperceptible shake of his head. They made me throw it in the bin, then just sent me on my way. To this day, it shocks me what a close call that was.
31. Computer Wiz
After finals, there was a party I really wanted to attend. I got done with my exams, and my buddy had just one more in some sort of CAD class. He said, "Just hang out and play on one of the computers. There are only 15 people in the class." Well, the computers were high powered workstations that I had never had the opportunity to check out, so I jumped on the idea.
An hour into their final I'm poking around on one of the systems. Apparently, my computer was one that an Admin had logged into and never logged off. I right-clicked on something and saw a "reset all" menu item. "What does this do?" I thought. I clicked it and saw no changes. Three work stations over I hear, "What the heck. Oh, my freaking god! I didn't save!"
Then in the next row: "Holy smokes! What just happened!" A girl two rows up, "Oh, no!" I had triggered a command that rebooted (and who knows, maybe even wiped) all the other systems in the room. I scooted my chair back as quietly as possible and stood up and left the room. Long story short, the professor ended up giving them all As, but that decision wasn't made for a week.
My buddy knew it was me and never even thought about giving me up. I was absolutely sure I was getting expelled.
32. A Wild Ride
I went on a rollercoaster, and a staff member comes to the shove air out of my lungs as he attempts to make sure the mechanism has me secured (the usual). Then as the ride starts and I'm about out of hearing distance, I test the brace again out of boredom more than anything else... It wasn’t locked. I could lift it to above my shoulders.
My first thought was "Ok. this is how I die. Kind of expected it, really."
Then we pass that slow part where you're just climbing a slope. Not wanting to fall, I grip the brace as close to the hinge as possible so the centrifugal force doesn't accidentally open it. I guess the really lucky part was that this ride didn’t make any loops or sharp turns. Just steep drops. After it all ended and I made sure I was still alive, I went up to the controller to tell him about it. His face lost color and the ride shut down.
Still didn't even scream.
33. Fire on the Highway
It was a cold night. I was driving down a highway on a 20 mile stretch between my origin and my destination. I had the window cracked as I was smoking and was tapping my ashes out the tiny crack in the window. As I finished my smoke, I went to flick the butt out the window when it bumped against it and instead fell into my door jam, which happened to be semi-full with papers. It immediately caught fire. I rolled the window down and started throwing flaming pieces of paper out the window
Mind you, this was a completely empty highway at about 4 am. I was watching the road ahead of me to make sure no cars were coming as I scrambled to throw the flaming pieces of scrap out my window. As you can guess by now, the cherries came on and I was pulled over. I had been drinking that night, and just knew I was going to blow over the limit. Definitely my worst "Well I'm screwed" moment.
But, because of that moment, I am where I am today and I stopped driving after imbibing even a little and things are pretty good all around. 0/10 though would not recommend.
34. The Toilet Monster
In elementary school, I was afraid of the toilet monster, so I was very hesitant when I entered bathrooms. Well one day I was TOO hesitant and the door shut on the back pocket of my overalls, just enough fabric had caught between the door to cause a jam. Luckily (after who knows how long of me screaming) some boy heard my screams from the hallway and told the front office that he thought a girl was stuck in the bathroom, and I was saved by the secretary.
My overalls were ruined and I missed PE that day.
35. Passing Out
I had abdominal surgery a few years ago and was ushered into my first shower after about three days of lying down being pumped with drugs etc. Needless to say, I was very shaky on my feet. The nurses told me I could take my dressing off in the shower as it would be easier under the hot water. The shower I used didn't have any seats as a lot of them in hospitals do, nor did it have any sort of handrails to hold on in case you're still pretty weak.
In fact it's little exaggeration to say this was just a concrete tomb. The walls and the floor, all concrete. No tiles, no shower tray, no rubber mats, nothing. You can probably see where this is going... I head in a bit apprehensive about hot running water on my front, which was then being held together under dressing by 37 staples. I relax a bit once I'm under the water and enjoy being able to wash my hair. I do all the cleaning first and then decide to tackle the peeling off of the dressing.
So, I cautiously peel away the top of it and peer down at what's beneath. Now I'm not a squeamish person, it takes a LOT to make me feel that way, but seeing my skin pinched together being held in place by staples with a bloody line down the middle, well it shocked me. And it wasn't just a small incision, this ran from just below my breasts to the pubic area. So, I'm slowly peeling this dressing off and the further down it goes the more I'm thinking, 'I'm not handling this...' And then I reach my belly button where the incision snaked round. I don't know why, but I think that was it for me.
The combination of being very weak from the surgery, the heat from the shower in an unventilated concrete box, and seeing where they'd sliced me open all combined to make me think: "I'm done." I have never, ever passed out in my life before but I knew it was coming. Thankfully, I managed to pull the emergency cord (think part of me was just looking for something to hold onto!) before I blacked out but I remember being really worried about how much damage I was going to do to myself with concrete all round.
I woke up a few seconds later to see a nurse peering in at me and then a couple of them helped me onto a wheelchair before covering what little modesty I had left in towels. Thankfully I didn't appear to do myself any major damage—which I'm pretty surprised at given the fact my head must have smacked off that concrete.
36. A Near Miss
I was helping my parents out in the garden when I was around 12 years old. They had me breaking up these big bits of wood for some reason or another. I found a big metal pole and thought it would be a great idea to use that, but it snapped on the first hit and hit me in the face then the shoulder. At first, I thought I was going to go blind, so I ran to the mirror screaming to see what I'd done.
Small cut on face, huge bone-deep gash on shoulder. I calmed right down, pretty much just sat down and thought, "At least it wasn't my eyes." It was pretty darn close to my eyes.
37. Oh, Snap
We had the music instruments set up in the garage. Dad sealed it up, and we put carpet remnants all over the floor. Great jam spot, but the carpet didn't cover the whole floor. Under the floor, of, course was concrete. I was playing my dad’s cherished heritage guitar with a pal. When we were done, I put the guitar in its stand. take a step or two away, and hear a "POP!" I turn around and feel my blood run cold. The guitar fell out of the stand, and the neck slapped down right on a patch of concrete.
I stood in shock, as I looked at my dad’s favorite guitar. Split apart, from the headstock to about half-way down. My friend looks at me and says, "I’ve got to go..." As a 16-year-old kid that just broke something he thinks his dad loves more than him, my brain goes straight to "How do I fix this! My dad is downstairs! How do I fix this in less than five minutes!"
I sat there staring at that broken neck in a panic, going through that list of possible things that only a kid could think might work. Sadly, I even contemplated duct tape... It felt like an eternity, but was probably only seconds. My breath slows down. The crazy fix-it-fog clears from my head. I come to my senses, and finally say to myself, "I am so screwed." Small contemplation of whether or not this is a "better to run away from home" offense.
Then head downstairs to tell the old man that I snapped the neck off one of his few true loves...
38. Home Early
I was 18 and my girlfriend was 16, and we both came from super religious families. My parents were supposed to be at a far-away bible camp all weekend. We had just finished doing "the deed" and were in the bathtub with the bathroom door closed, when I heard my parents come home. The bathroom had no exit other than the one to the hallway in which my mom was now standing—and asking me why my girlfriend's car was in the driveway.
39. Remain Calm
When I had to stand up to a guy who was as tall as me (I'm 6'9" tall) but was heavier because of all of his packed muscles. He fried his brain on steroids and was wanting to beat up the woman standing behind me. Mental facilities in the US suck. He was fuming, had already knocked one other guy out, and could have easily torn me to pieces, but he didn't. He stood there, staring into my eyes, fuming. I forgot what I said to him, I think I went into shock.
I was so scared, but managed to not freak out until the orderlies arrived minutes later, tackled and cocktailed him. As soon as I knew I was safe, I broke down and started bawling like a child.
40. Biker Beers
Went to an Eagles concert. Bought a beer for my current girlfriend and myself. Walking back to my seat, somebody popped up, knocked my beer out of my hand and it spilled all over the OUTLAW BIKER sitting in the row ahead of us, with his three biker brothers. Dude stands up and he's a monster, like 6'6" tall, full leathers and beard and lots of tats before tats were popular. Whelp, let's try and Canadian our way out of this.
“I am so, so sorry. I do not know how that happened. That was not what I wanted to do with my beer.” Biker glares at me, his buddies are laughing at him and even harder at me as I try to hold my composure before my inevitable gang beating. I look him in the eye and patiently await my fate. “Well, that's a waste of a beer. Why don't you go get another one... and you can buy me and my buddies one too.”
Well, I didn't have a lot of money on me, and Interac wasn't a thing yet. But the alternative was not going to be pleasant, so I did the only thing I could think of. “Did you want some nachos or a hot dog or something to eat too?” I replied, perfectly serious. “Nope. Just beer.” “I'll be right back.” And then I went with great haste back to the concession stand and bought another six beers. One I chugged immediately.
The other five were cautiously carried back to the seats, politely handed to some thirsty but forgiving bikers and then I went back to my seat and pounded back my remaining beer while my date glared at me and asked where the heck I went for 40 minutes.
41. A Seedy Friend
My buddy needed a ride at 10 pm, so I borrow my dad’s car. I picked him up and got on the way. We got pulled over for speeding, and as soon as we see the red and blues, he said the one thing you don't want to hear. He went, "Don't pull over. My backpack is full of drugs." It's safe to say that I did not give that friend a ride the next time he asked.
42. Test Passed
When my high school girlfriend's dad called me and said, "Well, Jen just told us she's pregnant. What are you going to do about it?" Ice water in my veins. Goosebumps on my goosebumps, watching Goosebumps on cable. Black cat walking on my grave. At midnight. On Halloween. Sanity and reason finally return. I answer, "But sir, we haven't slept together."
"I was just checking to see how you'd respond," he says. "Good answer. See you Prom night..."
Sources: Reddit,
