An individual can seem perfectly fine and ordinary when others are watching, while secretly harboring a deep, dark secret that no one would ever suspect—and in some cases, the secrets can be so wild and crazy that the chance to anonymously confess them online can be a huge weight off their shoulders. Here are 42 some of the most shocking secrets that people online have ever confessed.
1. Putting on a Show
I’ve done a lot of embarrassing things over the years that I now feel guilty about. Nevertheless, even with all of those things considered, there is still one particular incident that will always stand out in my memory as the worst thing that I have ever done, by far. The incident in question is the time that I mixed a pot of fake puke together at home, then went out to a movie theater and hid the fake puke in my jacket pocket.
I climbed up to the front of the balcony section, and then let out a loud heaving noise while dumping the contents of the pot all over the shocked and disgusted audience below. This stunt did not end up going over quite the way that I had imagined it beforehand. Warning: what comes next is truly horrible and not for the squeamish.
As soon as the audience heard the sound that I was making and began to feel my gross concoction landing on them from above, a whole bunch of the people in the area below me started to react by getting sick for real and, ironic as it may have been, throwing up all over each other. I have never felt so guilty in my entire life.
2. You Sound Like a Fun-Guy
When I was a young kid, I once went around the backyard of my house and ate all of the wild mushrooms that had been growing there before running back up to my mom and yelling "Mom, mom! Jeff (my little brother’s name) just ate all the poison mushrooms in the backyard!" I then showed her all the leftover stubs as proof.
My brother was immediately rushed to the nearest Emergency Room, where he was given some sort of “coal milkshake” to absorb anything harmful in his stomach as well as some anti-poison stuff through an IV. I really sucked at pranks back then…
3. Don’t Let the Bed Bugs Bite
During my awkward pre-teen phase, I had a sum total of exactly one pal ever come to stay at my house overnight. At one point, I woke up in the middle of the night for no particular reason and became intrigued with watching him sleep. He had kind of long hair, and it was all stretched out above his head in a cool looking way.
So, I did what any other red-blooded 11-year-old boy would do. I stuck toothpicks into it. After a few minutes of this, I pulled them all out, put them away, and went back to sleep. And that's all there was to it. I still have no idea what in the world I was thinking…
4. The Bare Eye
When I was seven years old, I once saw a cute girl skinny dipping in the lake. While she was in the water, I snuck up along the shore and stole her robe. She was then forced to run back to the nearest change rooms undressed and in tears while I secretly watched.
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5. Fraud in the First Degree
I never went to college. In fact, I barely even spent any time at a community college before dropping out. Before working at the company where I do now, I had never had a job higher than third assistant manager for a retail store. I was unemployed and really starting to feel stressed out about finding a job before getting evicted from my apartment.
So, one night, in a bout of depression, I made up a fake resume. I gave myself a bunch of awesome past jobs, gave myself a degree from a prestigious college, made up some impressive references, and basically created the perfect profile of an exceptional job candidate. I then submitted it to what was a dream job for me at that time.
Amazingly, I got an interview. At this point, I was thinking that it would be a great story to tell my buddies about after bombing the interview. But I didn't. It went perfectly. I'm telling you that I could have done that interview 1,000 different times and it would have never come off better than it did in real life. I was simply on fire that day and they ended up offering me the job.
So, I accepted. It was for a salary that was almost 3 times the amount that I had ever earned in my life. I figured at this point that I should give it a try. After all, what was the worst that could happen? I thought that maybe I could get a week or two of paychecks before they caught on and fired me. But that didn't happen.
I've been promoted 4 times since then. After having started off making around $60,000 a year (almost $40,000 a year more than I had ever made before), I now make over six figures a year. Before this job, I had never had a job outside of retail. I turned in the resume more as a joke than anything else, yet it kept snowballing.
It created the life that I now have under totally false pretenses.
6. No One Messes With My Guinea Pig
My mother’s husband killed my pet guinea pig. In response, I scrubbed the toilet with his toothbrush, peed in his wine, put glass shards in his shoe, put hydrogen peroxide in his eye drops, and spiked one of his lunches with ketamine. The worst part? He got into a car accident after the ketamine one. Despite that, I'm still pretty damn proud of what I did.
7. A Trip Down Memory Lane
When I was in elementary school, some kid walked up to me one day, put his arm around my shoulder, and asked: "Hey man, how was your trip?" I told him that I hadn't had any recent trips. He said, "I can fix that, I've got a trip for you!" He then tripped me, causing me to fall on the ground. I was extremely mad at first, but, after a few minutes, I thought it was hilarious and clever.
After calming myself down, I ran up to some smaller kid with glasses who I didn't know and got to work. I put my arm around him, threw him on the ground, and yelled "HEY, I HOPE YOU ENJOY YOUR TRIP. DID YOU HAVE A TRIP?" I was so embarrassed about having butchered the whole script that I just ran away while some little kid was lying on the ground with broken glasses and crying.
Every time I think of that story, I feel SO bad about what I did. I just wanted to make a funny joke, but I screwed it up, got embarrassed, and fled the scene without helping him. This little kid is probably about 25 or 30 years old by now, and I sure hope that he has contact lenses or some better glasses by now.
8. Redecorating
I once took a poop in the bathtub and then realized what a horrible mistake I had made. In a panic, I reacted by flinging the poop into a discreet hole in the wall. A few months later, my parents renovated the house and patched up that hole. Therefore, there is now a 15-year-old turd sitting in between the bathroom and kitchen wall of my childhood home.
No regrets.
9. I’m Not Who You Think I Am
My guilty confession is that, while everyone who knows me thinks that I have a good job and nice roommates, I have secretly been homeless and doing "bedroom" work to support myself for over a year.
10. Save the Last Dance for Me
Words cannot even begin to describe the level of social awkwardness that I used to exhibit back when I was a senior in high school. One time, a rude jock guy in my grade joked during study hall that this equally awkward freshman guy should go with me to the upcoming Homecoming dance. I had been planning to just go stag with a friend, as neither of us had attracted the attention of any guys.
I was mortified, as you would probably expect in a case of a mean jock picking on chubby senior girl and a nerdy freshman boy. As a result, I didn't commit to going as his date. A day later, I got called to the administration office, as the Assistant Dean had received a phone call from the freshman's parents.
They were concerned about this senior girl allegedly planning on taking their kid to Homecoming. I told them, “Relax, it was just a joke that [insert idiot jock’s name here] made, but I already have other plans for the homecoming dance." And that was the end of that. Later, I found out the heartbreaking truth about the kid.
It turned out that the real reason that this kid's parents had been concerned was that their son was ill and they didn't know how much longer he would be in school. His sophomore year he was too ill to attend classes, and I believe he passed away during what would have been his junior year before he had ever gotten the chance to attend a school dance.
I should have invited him for real and said "Screw you!" to the jock.
Shutterstock
11. A Constant Reminder
When I was a kid, I once stole a big balloon that said “HAPPY BIRTHDAY” on it from a party store. It wasn't blown up, and probably cost less than 98¢. I took it home and blew it up. I felt guilty about it the entire time. It just sat in the corner of my room until it deflated.
12. Going, Going, Gone
Back in third grade, my family moved cities and I had to change schools. A girl from my class let me borrow her New Kids on the Block tape, her watch, and a pair of earrings the day before my family left. I had never told her that we were moving, so she thought that I was just borrowing her stuff for a day or two at most.
I told my parents that she gave the items to me as a “going away” present. We were really poor and I had nothing even remotely stylish of my own, so I just wanted to start out fresh at my new school with a cool watch and earrings. If I could remember the girl’s name, I would track her down and apologize.
13. Lost in Translation
I speak two languages, so every time I received a new essay assignment in school, I would just browse the internet for existing essays on the topic in my other language, translate the existing essays word for word into English, and then submit them to my professors as my own work. No one ever caught me for plagiarism in all the years that I consistently did this.
14. Wrong Place, Wrong Time
My confession is that I really don't want to be with my girlfriend anymore, but she might have cancer so I feel like I need to stay in the relationship in order to not be judged as some kind of a monster.
15. A Fishing Expedition
One time, when I was a kid, I was pretending to use my father's fold-up wooden measuring tool as a fishing pole off the side of the living room sofa. My little sister walked by and I accidentally whacked her with It. It broke in half. I made her bring it to my dad and tell him that she broke it, and she got spanked. Sorry about that, Becky.
16. Down the Drain
I once had some triops as pets. For those who don’t know, triops are these cute little crustaceans that look like mini shrimps. I loved them, until they started appearing in my nightmares as massive monsters that turned giant. After that, I murdered the poor buggers by flushing them down the toilet. When my dad eventually asked where they were, I didn't want to fess up to the murder.
So, instead, I just started crying and said that they had died. My dad was so upset by the sight of his darling daughter crying over a lost beloved pet that he bought me a bike!
17. This One Takes the Cake!
I run a cake business. I charge people hundreds of dollars for a wedding cake. But I have one dark secret: every last one of them is made using a Pillsbury cake mix that I buy for a dollar a box at Walmart. I suck at baking. Every time that I've ever tried to make a cake from scratch, it has sucked. Nevertheless, baking is, like, kind of my whole deal at this point.
My friends all call me the cake girl. It's as if my whole life is a lie. People compliment my cakes all the time. They constantly come up and tell me how delicious they are and how much better they taste than ones from a mix. They tell me that they could never bake a cake so good. Well, guess what! For just a dollar, they too could make a cake just as good! All they would have to do is just add oil, eggs, and water.
In my defense, I love cake decorating. I make all of the frostings and fondant from scratch. I just hate actually baking the cakes! I base my prices mostly on the decoration of the cakes and not on the cake itself if that makes sense. Still, no one knows the truth about this except for my husband. Even my best friends think that I literally slave over the oven all day mixing and baking these damn cakes.
I have been doing this for YEARS at this point, so there’s no going back now. If anyone found out, my business and reputation would both go straight down the toilet without a doubt. I keep telling myself that I have to learn how to make the damn cakes without the box mixes, but I never actually do it. I feel like such a sham sometimes.
Wikimedia Commons, Michael Prudhomme
18. Thigh Do I Do This to Myself?
My guilty confession is that I've eaten eight ice cream sandwiches today. Dear thighs, I am so, so sorry.
19. Bringing Out the Animal in You
One day, a girl in my class brought a “Sylvanian Families Playhouse” toy to elementary school. It was filled with those little toy animals dressed as humans. When everyone was out on recess, I deliberately, and calculatingly, took all of the arms and legs off of the toy animals. Luckily, the limbs were easy to pop in and out without damaging the toys.
Nevertheless, I was already feeling guilty while doing it, so I didn’t even look as I worked on the beasts. I eventually left the limbless bodies of those animals lying all over the inside of her playhouse before rejoining my classmates outside as if nothing had ever happened.
20. Who Ever Herd of Such a Thing?
When I was 10 years old, I once stuffed my uncle's boots full of goat poop. When confronted with my crime by the adults, I blamed another boy. The poor kid got punished, while I escaped justice entirely.
21. Brotherly Love Gone Wrong
Warning: this story might be viewed by some as disturbing. When I was a teen, my parents were going through a rough divorce. My mom worked night shifts and my dad was living with a friend of his. One night, my sister, who was 19 years old at the time, came home pretty drunk from a party. She was acting goofy and fell on the couch next to me.
She started grabbing my leg and laughing and we started fondling each other. We ended up hooking up right then and there. When we woke up the next day, she had no recollection of the night before so I just kept my mouth shut and never spoke of it again. Fast forward a few years to when I'm 18. My sister is home from college one day and our dad is over for a visit.
They get into a big argument over one thing or another and, in a fit of rage, my dad announces that he has never forgiven her for the abortion she got when she was 19 years old. He is very religious and was enraged that she had “murdered [his] grandchild.” I then realized that the baby she had aborted must have been mine.
As far as I know, I am the only one who knows this, since no one ever found out about that night.
22. And They Both Lived Creepily Ever After
I once offered to help out my female friend's family by taking care of their cat for a week. Every day for the whole week, I would go over there and snoop around their house. One day, I found my friend's diary and proceeded to read the entire thing. I used the information in it to get her to like me, and she is currently my wife.
23. A Shot in the Dark
While on deployment, I killed a man in a coup de grace. The feelings that come with taking a man's life always weigh a heavy burden on me, every single day. No one likes hurting people. This guy had been hit by some of our mobile artillery. While a part of me just wanted the enemy to be in pain, I knew it wasn't right.
My medic was busy with my wounded and, as the officer on duty, I took out my .45 and put one in his head. I knew my boys wouldn't say anything. Most just watched, accepted it as a fact of war, and kept walking. I remember throwing up afterwards. When I came home, everyone acted like I was a hero. I never felt like more of a sham my entire life.
24. Home Alone
Once, when I was 8 years old and my sister was 13, my parents went out for the night and let her babysit me for the first time without the help of any of our older cousins. We had always had problems getting along with each other and she was pretty damn mean to me sometimes, so that was the main reason that she had never been allowed to do so before.
For no particular reason—I think she may have called me a dork or something—I decided I would get my revenge on her once and for all. When it started to get close to the time when my parents were supposed to be coming back, I decided to wait near the front windows and watch for them while she was off watching TV or something in another room.
Then, when I saw my parents’ car coming up the street, I quickly ran over to the corner of the room and stood there facing the wall as though I had been sitting there all night as a punishment. When my parents came in and found me like that, I instantly turned on the fake waterworks and told them that my sister had forced me to stand in the corner since just ten minutes after they had left, allegedly because I was a "loser."
She got grounded for three weeks.
25. Not a Lot of Diversity in This Jean Pool
My guilty confession is that I've been wearing the same pair of jeans every day for the past two months.
26. An Improper Business Model
This is a horrible secret that I've kept for nearly two decades at this point. During the summers when I was growing up, my parents would often leave my brother and me with our aunt and uncle who lived out in the country. It was great, as they had four sons of ages close to ours, so we always had a lot of fun doing kids’ stuff.
One year when I was eight years old, the oldest cousin was maybe about 16. We somehow got to talking and he asked me if I wanted to sleep in his room that night. He had the nicest room and bed, so I was all for it. When we got into bed, he asked if I wanted to kiss him. I was 8 and just thought it was ok, so I said sure.
As soon as I did it, he handed me some money and told me never to tell anyone about what had just happened. The next night, he wanted to do the same thing. At this point, I realized that I could make a lot of money off of him by continuing to play along, so I agreed. This continued to happen on a regular basis for two summers.
Eventually, I got old enough to realize that this situation was quite wrong regardless of how much money I was getting. I put a stop to it at that point and never told anyone about it. Today, both of us are grown up and married with children. We often see each other at family events. I don't have the guts to even try and talk to him about it. Heck, I'm not even sure what I'd say!
27. You’ve Got a Friend in Me
My secret confession is that I hate all of my friends. Literally. I don't have a single thing in common with any of them, and I don't care about their lives or anything that they have to say. At the same time, I choose to keep hanging around them because I'm too scared to be alone and have no one else to go to if I’m ever in need.
28. On the Other Side of the Screen
I’m an IT guy, and my confession is that I read and watch everything that my coworkers do on their computers while at work. It's amazing what people will do and say online despite having signed a waiver that all computer activity at work is monitored and recorded. I have half the company's banking, social media, and personal email account info and passwords.
I know who is secretly sleeping with who at the office behind their spouses’ backs. I know when people are having marital problems or financial problems. But the worst thing I ever found out? A person here had their children taken away from them because a social worker found white "powder" in their house. I know who is embezzling money.
I know when people get fired for completely ridiculous reasons—like the boss just wants to replace them with someone younger and nicer on the eyes. And, best of all, I know who my boss is buying stuff from. Basically I have a treasure trove full of my coworkers’ personal secrets. I won't actively do anything with this info, but it's nice knowing that I have the ammunition there in case something were ever to happen.
29. Bedtime Story
When I was 13 years old, I caught my father in bed with my 15-year-old brother's girlfriend, who was also 15. I haven't seen her since, but I've been blackmailing my father with this info for the past six years.
30. Pillow Talk
Every night when I go to bed, I have a little pillow and an assortment of blankets that I pretend is this girl I like. She would never like me in real life—in fact, she doesn't—so I just play pretend. I tuck it in, talk to it, and wish it goodnight before closing my eyes for the evening. It's inherently creepy, I know, but it's what keeps me from being a total wreck all the time.
31. Free Falling
I pushed a third-grade kid over for no reason back when I was in the sixth grade. He started crying, so I panicked and ran away. I turned my head back at one point to take a look and the kid was all alone on the playground, sitting in his own tears. I'm sorry.
32. Diamonds Are a Guilty Girl’s Worst Enemy
I have to confess that my giant, sexy engagement ring is really just a fake diamond. You, my dear coworkers, all love it to death and go on and on about how amazing it looks because you think my fiancé dropped $10,000 on it. In reality, it cost $50 on eBay.
33. A Fair Weather Friend
Way back in second or third grade, I was going to school in the north Chicago suburbs. I had a "friend" named Seth. I put the word “friend” in quotation marks because I would typically treat him like a friend when nobody was looking, but like a total douche when anyone was. I guess I did so to prove how “tough” I could be to everyone around us.
Seth was a really nice guy. He was very soft-spoken, wore glasses, and sadly, everyone picked on him. One day, we were walking out of school to the bus to go home. It was right around Mother's Day, and Seth was carrying something. I think it was a plant, but I'm not positive. It was his present to his mother for Mother's Day.
Kids were teasing him, and I saw my chance to be a tough guy. I wish I could erase what happened next. So, I knocked it out of his hand to the ground, watching the pot shatter to pieces. The bullies laughed. Seth cried. I got on the bus and went home. To this day, probably about 20 years later by this point, I still feel more guilt over that one moment than over just about anything else that I've ever done.
Seth, if you're out there, I'm really sorry man…
34. Speaking Ill of the Dead
My cousin tragically passed away when we were both just 17 years old. There was a reception at his family’s house just after the funeral. During the reception, when no one was looking, I went into his room at one point and stole all of the money that was lying around. I also took some other valuables that his parents wouldn't realize were gone.
No one knows that I did it, as they probably just assumed that he didn't have any money in his room aside from some loose change. I don't regret it, but I will never admit I did it either.
Flickr, Marco Verch
35. Not a Fan
Let me start off by stating that I have a boyfriend, which will be relevant later on in this story. I got back from a concert a couple of hours ago. Before I left for home, after the concert was over, I stayed in the venue for a couple of moments to text a friend. The lead singer of the opening band saw me and walked over to me.
We chatted for a bit and I was pretty excited that a band member who was touring with the group that I had just gone to go see was talking to me, so I stupidly pushed any warning signs away to the back of my head and just went with it. He suggested that I go back with him to his tour bus so we could drink some beer and I could meet the rest of the band members.
I told him that I wasn’t old enough to drink, but he told me that he didn’t mind as long as I didn’t tell anyone. I was still a bit starstruck, so I agreed to come along. We headed over to the bus and, as promised, I got to meet the rest of the band members. However, instead of beer, he asked me whether I preferred vodka or whiskey.
I said whiskey, assuming it was just a question, but then he ended up giving me whiskey instead of beer. He then brought me over to the back of the bus to show me around, until we ended up in his room. By then I had started to recognize the red flags, but I still ignored them in case nothing would actually end up happening.
I don’t really know what I was thinking. I guess I’m stupid. I am also an extreme lightweight when it comes to alcohol and I hadn’t eaten at all today, so I let him know that I didn’t want to drink too much. Nevertheless, he insisted that I finish the drink that he had poured for me, which had to have been around three or four shots.
He literally brought it up to my lips and poured it into my mouth. I stupidly swallowed it because I’m an idiot. So, of course, I was a bit drunk at this point, and soon after that he tried to lean in and kiss me. I told him that I had a boyfriend, so I couldn’t. He jokingly insisted that since he was from Europe, it didn’t count.
He continued to try to kiss me, but I held my ground. Being drunk made it really fuzzy, but I knew that I had to say no. Eventually, I managed to fight my way out of there and drive home. Nevertheless, I feel extremely guilty about putting myself in that situation and I am not sure yet whether I will ever confess it to my boyfriend.
36. Turning the Tables
There was a girl who I had a crush on from the very first moment I saw her on my college campus. She ended up starting to date a jerk a few weeks later. I happened to end up sitting in a study room with him and a few mutual friends one day. He talked about how he didn't think she was that attractive and how he liked other girls.
I wrote the girl an anonymous email using one of those sketchy websites, telling her all about the things that I heard and how the guy was a jerk. She ended up breaking up with him after she found out he was cheating. The girl has now been my girlfriend for the past six months. She has no idea that I was the one who sent her that email and initiated the process that would break up her previous relationship.
She is also sitting right across from me in the library as I’m typing this. I've never told anyone about it before, and don’t plan on her ever finding out.
37. Unfinished Business
My confession is that I faked the last two years of my college education. My parents put so much pressure on me to succeed that I just couldn't handle it anymore. I was suffering from severe depression and anxiety to the point where I couldn’t cope with anything, so I faked it all. I lied to everyone. I made up fake transcripts.
I got my foot in the door in my desired field thanks to a friend, as he hired me as a subordinate. This place only hires college grads, but no one double-checked my credentials since I was recommended to them. My hope is that if I ever need to find another job, I'll have been at this place long enough to get it by my experience alone.
I work for a very prestigious company. I'm not bad at my job. On the contrary, I'm actually quite good at it. But my fear is that, eventually, I'll hit a wall and the lie will come to light. No one has known about this for the better part of a decade now. It's a relief to finally say this "out loud." I can't even tell those I love about it. My silence is my prison.
38. Seeing People at Their Worst
I used to be a 9-1-1 police and fire dispatcher but had to quit because it nearly made me suicidal. I have kept my struggles completely secret for several years now, and no one knows the true reason why I quit. At one point, I became so depressed as a result of the things I witnessed in that job that I actually began to have serious thoughts of killing myself.
Thankfully, I managed to force myself to drive 40 miles away to go to a hospital center where no one knew me so that I could seek help without fear of being recognized and revealing my secret. I was having nightmares about a few calls that I had taken where the callers had either killed themselves, killed someone else, or passed away while on the phone with me.
To this day, a few years after my resignation, I still can't listen to a phone ring or to sirens going off without having a mild panic attack. I am fairly sure that what I have is a form of PTSD, as it includes flashbacks, nightmares, panic attacks, and an inability to function sometimes. Nevertheless, I'm embarrassed and scared to tell my fiancé or anyone else I know about this part of my life.
I am very good at hiding it, though. I sometimes wait until my fiancé goes to sleep, and then I go sit by myself in the other room and pretty much cry my eyes out for several hours. It's hell.
39. Home Is Where the Heart Is
Two and a half years ago, I was in dire financial straits, so I sold my home to keep my struggling business afloat. I neglected to tell the new homeowners that they had an 800 square foot secret bunker hidden on the property that I had built underground in the backyard about seven years earlier. I have secretly called that bunker my home ever since the day that I sold the house to them.
The entrance to it is very well-hidden, and I come and go every day very early in the morning and very late in the evening. I'm a single man who generally keeps to himself, so no one else is even aware of this whole situation. I'm now in a financial position where I could afford to move somewhere new, but I love this hidden paradise so much that I don’t bother to.
40. A Fresh Start?
I got tired of my ordinary life, so one day I just abruptly cut off all contact with every single person that I knew and moved all the way to Kenya. I now go by a fake name and a completely made-up background story here, and I have made it appear to my family back home as if I got killed on a boat trip in the Pacific.
No, I am not joking. I am really believed to be dead in the United States, while I am secretly living it up in Africa under a false identity. How’s that for a confession?!
41. Last Words
When I was 17 years old, I once had an argument with my father and told him I hated him. Later that evening, he hung himself. Our argument was the last time that he ever spoke to anyone in our family and, for that, I feel a terrible amount of guilt to this day. Instead of him saying goodbye and I love you to my mom and brothers, he was told that he was hated by his own son before he went and killed himself.
My punishment now is to live the rest of my days in immense shame and guilt. He never left a note to explain why he did it either, leaving us all totally in the dark and leaving me to feel like the whole thing might have been because of the argument.
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