3. Plastered Malone
Most likely Post Malone in 2016. This was before he had any mixtape or album out, so his entire discography was seven songs on Soundcloud. There was double the number of openers than what was listed. Two were good, but the other four were pretty bad. By the 5th opener people were getting antsy and were booing them off stage, the show kept promising Post was coming on stage soon.
We were about to leave but he finally came on stage and everyone cheered! However, he was pretty drunk, to the point where he wasn't really rapping and was mostly having the audience yell out half of his lyrics while he was aiming the mic towards them. He did play all but one of his songs, so it was only a six-song set. Pretty much what you would expect from an opener, not a headliner.
I'm sure it would be much better seeing him now, though. He has much more content to his name, and at the time he was probably super excited to be touring and was going overboard with partying and trying to put on local acts at shows. Rap and hip-hop shows are either hit or miss.
4. Goodbye
Hellogoodbye performed at my college in 2008. It's a liberal arts school in the middle of Pennsyltucky and the band showed up drunk, kept saying our town was a dirt-hole, and repeatedly tried to cut their hour-long set short. They left the stage with a half-hour left in their set and the school's concert committee had to physically push the band back onto the stage. They put zero effort into the show, and I lost whatever respect I had for them after having listened to "Shimmy Shimmy Quarter Turn" thousands of times in high school.
There was a girl who lived on my hall and she and her boyfriend were huge Hellogoodbye fans. They were so excited for the show, her boyfriend came in from out of town, and they left so disappointed. It was Bucknell University. Sounds like the band acted this way at most of their small college shows.
5. Tuned Out
2001 Bumbershoot: Sonic Youth. I love Sonic Youth, and this was about as punk as you could get so I had to laugh when it was over. They literally tuned their guitars for about 45 minutes, said, "Thanks a lot," and walked off stage.
6. All That Glitters Ain’t Gold
Saw Smash Mouth at a free concert for a village fest. Playing to an almost empty field of scattered folding chairs and people sitting on blankets. There was barely any lighting for the stage. Perhaps they wanted it that way. We were just sitting on the perimeter, eating, and kept saying, "I can't believe this is Smash Mouth" in the worst sense. They started into the iconic "All Star," and I swear I heard Steve Harwell change the lyrics from, "I need to get myself away from this place" to, "I need to get the heck up out of this place."
Either way, nobody noticed. Probably the most depressing sight I've ever seen in live music.
7. Blown Voice, Blown Time
I was working as a stagehand for a rock fest about five years ago, and the final act of the entire festival was Rob Zombie. The show sold out and I was stoked to see a legend perform from side stage. However, it was short-lived, because after one and a half songs, Zombie's voice gave out and he had to leave the stage. There was a three-hour waiting period and the audience was chanting for Zombie to come back out.
But it never happened—and then things started to get ugly. The house told us to start tearing down the stage, and the crowd started to riot while me and the stage-crew went out front and began packing up the equipment. People were throwing stuff at us from the crowd, booing, and chanting (but I guess I would have been too if my $200 non-refundable ticket was wasted). Truly a memory I'll never forget.
8. Smashing Perceptions
Smashing Pumpkins came to my town in 1997 when I was in high school and people still gave a toss who Billy Corgan was. They played about an hour, then disappeared from stage. Billy came back on stage about 15 minutes later and told us we weren't being loud enough so we must not be enjoying the show and they left the arena. There was almost a riot, and I've felt Billy Corgan was a huge tool ever since.
Nothing I've seen in the intervening years has changed that view.
9. Cool Act, Wrong Crowd
It wasn't a bad performance, per se, just a case of the wrong audience. Way back in 2003, a cash-flush Harley-Davidson was having a huge 100th birthday party, and people rode into Milwaukee from all over the world to celebrate. H-D had lots of stuff going on all weekend, but they had hyped the bejesus out of their secret concert headliner. And people had been speculating for weeks:
"It's gonna be the Stones, and it'll be awesome" "I bet they got Springsteen!" "Steppenwolf! Yeah bros, get your motors running!" So, the concert starts. The Doobie Brothers played their stuff. Tim McGraw was flawless, but the crowd wanted more, and they got it when Kid Rock rocked out. Then the super-secret headliner came out and it was hard rocking legend... Elton John?
People stared in disbelief as Elton did his piano ballad thing. Shortly thereafter they started leaving, and I'd guess more than 30% of them did. Even changing up his set and playing his classics from the 70s didn't help. He did bring Tim McGraw back to play with him, which was kinda neat, but it wasn't enough to turn it around.
Nothing against Elton, because he's awesome, but he was the wrong man for the job.
10. Too Metal
Ozzy Osborne. Studied for two weeks ahead of time to go. Be me. Ozzy appears in a ball of flame for the first song and walks down the steps as the guitarists start playing "Over the Mountain." Ozzy walked up and grabbed the microphone, he shouted, "OVER THE MOUNTAIN..." ...and passed out on stage, concert over. Three whole words and a lot of disappointment.
The school paper said he had laryngitis...
11. Ma-don’t-a
Madonna at Murrayfield, Scotland in 2012. She was late coming on which wasn’t the best start. She was bloody awful singing live. The tickets were stupidly expensive and I’m pretty sure it wasn’t a sell-out, there was loads of standing room left. She didn’t do an encore. Oh and the sound was terrible.
12. Girl Puncher Gets It
I went to see Wu-Tang Clan. Doors opened at 7:00, and I was there by 7:30. Show was supposed to start at 9:00. At 8:00 a DJ came on stage with his MacBook and played music "to entertain us until the Wu is ready." He played until almost 1:00 a.m., and during this time he played six different versions of the song METHOD MAN. When the Clan finally came out on stage, you know who wasn't there? Freaking Method Man.
But I did get to watch my buddy literally pee on a guy who had punched a girl in the crowd, so it wasn't all bad.
13. From Opener to Headliner
It's really unfortunate to say, but the Red Hot Chili Peppers in Boston, MA. They were over two hours late to their own concert. So, we had to listen to the Mars Volta play for about 90 minutes longer than anyone planned (including the Mars Volta). It was okay at first, but their performance got progressively worse and worse. When the Chili Peppers finally came it was decent, but a very rushed show.
14. Violin-Synching
Trans-Siberian Orchestra. The music was great-ish...but there was some annoying guy next to me that knew every word to every song (which he basically just yelled) and hummed everything else very loudly. Oh, and apparently it was his birthday (I know this because he had his iPad out recording himself). Then the violin woman was "playing" so hard that all of her strings on her bow broke.
That was awkward. She kind of just stood there like an idiot until someone brought her a new one. The best part was the violin solo kept going after she quit playing...
15. Life-Hack: Don’t See Guns N’ Roses
Metallica/Guns n Rose's tour, don’t remember the year. They co-headlined and would switch who played first at the different shows. Body Count was the opener. Body Count played a good show. Metallica came out and rocked it. Guns n Rose's came out about two hours after Metallica finished their set, drunk, out of tune and generally not into it. We left about 20 minutes into their set.
16. Concert Snakes
I went to a Purity Ring concert and they were awesome. The person who opened for them were kind of iffy but idk. But I was trying to inch closer to the stage and this guy was like, "Hey can you let me by, I'm trying to get to the bathroom" and the way I was positioned, he would have to get in front of me to do that. So naturally I let him through, and he just stands in front of me in the spot I was making my way to and muttered under his breath, "Gullible broad."
It just really soured my mood.
17. Lost Vibe-Way
All of the concerts I've been to have been, at worst, decent—but the worst of them would be Bon Jovi during the spat with Richie Sambora. Nobody had been informed Richie Sambora wasn't going to be there so, when they came out and started playing, you could just feel the entire energy of the crowd turn down. As we listened throughout the songs, you could tell something big was missing.
Bon Jovi just did not sound the same. It was disheartening. It's amazing how much Richie brought to Bon Jovi and yet people only know Jon.
18. A Hole in the Show
Went to see Lana Del Ray with Hole opening at an outdoor venue last May. I've been to hundreds of concerts, but Courtney Love sounded freaking awful compared to even the worst I'd seen before. Her guitar "playing" sounded like a 12-year-old first learning her song as their first song. Then it started to rain a bit, then the tornado watch came in. Concert cancelled, no Lana.
Just a bad performance from Hole, and being soaked. The only benefit of the whole thing is that the tickets were refunded. Who the heck thought it was a good idea to pair Love with Lana?
Wikimedia Commons, Ted Van Pelt
19. The Meat Gags
Morrissey at Coachella in 2009. He whined the entire time and dry hacked because one of the stalls served meat. I had hitched a ride with a band that was trying to sneak in, and I went ahead and just bought my ticket. They soon gave up and texted me they were leaving. So, I paid like over $100 to watch Morrissey gag and maybe ten minutes of Paul McCartney.
20. The Cherry on Top
Maybe late to the party here but mine is without a doubt Buckcherry. It was a co-headliner deal with Avenged Sevenfold and Papa Roach. Both of these bands absolutely destroyed it. Amazing sets, got the crowd into it, jammed while the singers went in the back for a break, etc. Then Buckcherry arrives into an inaudible melody of pained screams and the song Crazy B played twice in the 20 minutes before I walked out.
It was the worst performance I've ever seen, and I still don't understand why Avenged Sevenfold would co-headline with them.
Marine Corps Air Ground Combat Center
21. Tree Huggers
Saw Cake and between sets, they spent 30 min trying to give away a lemon tree. They did this by having the crowed try and guess what kind of tree it was and the acceptable answer was Myers Lemon took the crowed along time to get there. It was a real energy drainer.
22. Charli Who?
I went to see Paramore and Charli XCX (pre-Fancy) was the stage act and I have never seen an audience absolutely obliterate someone before. It was so painful to watch. As she was singing no one "danced" or cheered at the end, people were booing her during her songs and holding their fingers up to her. When she sang "I Love It" that was the only time the audience gave her positive feedback; I felt so sorry for her.
When she thanked the audience after her set, it almost felt like a "screw you" to us and I couldn't help but applaud her passive-aggressiveness.
23. Just Creeping
I was a huge Arctic Monkeys fan when I was 17 and headed up to Manchester from London to see them at some cricket ground with a few mates. After a slow start to the event, they came out & started playing. Two minutes into the set a hail of missiles full to the brim with warm pee came down upon the crowd. It was grim. We swiftly backed it up and tried enjoying it from some surrounding stands, whilst smelling like pee.
That's when we were cornered by some scummy men who felt the need to come sit near us and hold an intimidating/uncomfortable conversation for the next 50 minutes whilst we were trying to enjoy the music & our own company. They must have been 20+ and ended following us after we left the venue, we pegged it to our mate’s car and got the heck out of Manchester.
24. Queen Dethroned
Surprisingly, it was Queen. With Adam Lambert, not Freddie Mercury. Even more surprisingly, Adam Lambert was the best part. I am a fan of Lambert, but you would have expected Queen themselves to have been fantastic. Nope. Twenty-minute drum "battle" between the drummer and his son, where the son was completely dumped on by his father's talent. It was like watching a drum lesson.
And let us not forgot the half-hour session of Brian May strumming random chords. Not even a song, just random chords and making very long eye contact with certain members of the audience. The actual songs, when Lambert was singing were brilliant, however, because of all this stuff in between, the show overran and my friend and I had to leave 3/4 of the way through in order to catch the last train home.
25. Parental Supervision Required
Five Iron Frenzy, about 14-15 years ago. Nothing against the band, but a third of the crowd consisted of Christian parents in the back half of the venue nervously eyeing the situation constantly. There was one funny moment: after a couple songs there were some technical difficulties. To fill the time, the lead singer asked the crowd if they wanted to hear a joke.
I looked back and saw all the parents make a face—you know that face where you're trying to be polite but you fear an awkward situation is coming and you tighten your lower jaw muscles, baring your teeth in one of those joyless smiles. Well of course it was the cleanest of jokes, and after the punchline they all let out a relieved-yet-still-nervous chuckle. That's about the only highlight, though.
26. Actionable Bronson
Action Bronson was pretty terrible. His opener was this dorky looking DJ who came out and hopped on the turntable, said, "All right this is that new stuff," and gives the most standard "bmmmmm, b-bmmm b-bmmm" bass beat for a few minutes, stops and said, "all right time for that new new" followed by another basic beat with nothing else. Action Bronson has a thing where he throws people off stage and I swear this guy was so bad I bet this was a setup to have AB come on stage, toss him and begin his set.
But no, this nightmare was just beginning. The dude stayed out there for TWO HOURS. Every time he'd stop to say something about the next beat being new people grew more restless. Finally, after people booing lightly and just tired, he finished and says, "All right time for the main event, go screw yourselves" and drops the mic. Action Bronson comes on and people are pretty excited but more just hungover from that opener. He plays an unenthusiastic 45 min set and walks off.
I realize it was probably Action Bronson's fault that opening kid had to stay out that long, so more just screw that whole experience.
27. How to Clear Out a Crowd
I had the great displeasure of seeing Yoko Ono perform live. She was the closing act of a festival and I suspect they gave her that slot to clear out the park so they could start cleaning up. 20 min after she was supposed to go on, she put on a video about how she had set up LEDs all over the world that blinked in random patterns and were apparently supposed to represent something about love.
That lasted 20 or 30 min. Then she came on stage, started hitting a guitar with her earrings, then screaming wordlessly into a microphone while writhing on the ground. The crowd went from a few thousand people to a few dozen before she finished her first "song."
28. Drunken Angels
Angels and Airwaves in 2010. You know, the music wasn't that bad, but Tom DeLonge just ruined it with his voice. He was just a really, really awful singer. And I'm pretty sure he was high/on drugs/drunk because between every song he went into these long rants about how the music was all bringing us together like one big family and how tonight is a really special moment of bonding and now we are all friends united by the power of music.
29. Public Breakup
In my hometown there is (maybe was, I haven't been back in a while) a venue called the Caledonia Lounge. It was the kinda venue where bands play their first show to a small crowd (usually friends and family). Not normally my scene but a friend of a friend was in the second band up, so we all went out to pay $5 cover and drink PBR with the hipsters for an evening.
Which brings me to the "concert." The opening band was some type of goth-wannabe metal group. Lead singer in a leather jacket and mohawk, guitarist looks exactly the same, bassist wearing Steve Jobs black turtleneck, and the drummer in a stained white t-shirt (and about three beers deep). It was halfway through the first song and the singer stopped the band to say that the drummer was slow. And somehow, it just kept getting worse.
The bassist started whining at the singer (rightly so in my mind) for stopping the show. The guitarist backs up the singer. The drummer threw his beer at the singer who, now dripping PBR, went up to the mic and told the whole room "Screw you, screw this band, Y’all suck" and walked off the stage. The whole room is silent at this point and, bless his heart, the drummer does the ba-dum tsssss on his drums and they all left the stage.
I assume it came to fisticuffs because, while we were out on the porch puffing smokes and waiting for our friends band to load in, the bassist was simultaneously loading up his kit and bleeding from his nose. The friend-of-a-friends band was pretty bad too so, coupled with the dumpster fire first act, that was the worst concert I've ever been to. Hands down.
30. A True One-Hit-Wonder
Snow, approx. 2001, Kingston, Ontario. Not sure if anyone outside of Canada has heard of him. Anyway, he was Canada's answer to Vanilla Ice, a white rapper with one "hit" called "Informer." At this point he was well past his prime, but he was touring to support a new album. My buddy booked him into his bar, so we went to check him out.
There was a surprisingly large crowd. The bar was full. Snow comes out with his DJ and dancers. He welcomes the crowd and the DJ starts spinning the first song. He plays INFORMER first! The crowd goes crazy for the only song most of them know, but Snow is really upset at what was clearly a mistake by his DJ. He can't stop though, everybody is excited.
He finishes the song, and the crowd stands quietly for two more songs they have never heard of, and Snow storms off the stage and leaves. My buddy said he didn't pay him and had to refund a lot of tickets. Pretty fun night afterward though, everyone had something in common to talk about...
31. Very… Artistic
Rage Against the Machine, Lollapalooza 1994 at FDR Park in Philly, they were one of the bands I was waiting to see, but instead of playing their set, they decided this was the stop on the tour where they were going to make a political statement and it was...something. They came out on stage naked with duct tape over their mouths and the letters PMRC on their chests (which made it all the more odd because no one even talked about the PMRC anymore in '94), and just stood there with their dicks dangling in the warm summer breeze for 20 minutes while a single note of guitar feedback on sustain hummed the whole time.
Then the feedback stopped, and they walked off-stage and that was their whole set. I was mad.
32. A Double Whammy
I'm late to the party, but I feel I need to share this. I went home from college one weekend (around 1993) with my girlfriend to see her family, and her mother was all excited about this concert that they were taking us to see. I'm concerned that it will be something that I wouldn't enjoy, but didn't think too much of it. We head out to the venue, and her parents still won't reveal who we were going to see, and they were clearly excited.
As it turns out, it was Celine Dion. Ugh. "Ok," I think, "I can make it through this." After a couple of hours, Celine says her goodbyes to the crowd, and starts to head off the stage. "Wow, that didn't last as long as I thought it would," I thought. Then, my stomach dropped. We weren't there to see Celine. She was just the opening act for Michael Bolton.
33. DJ Stay-In-The-Shadows
Saw DJ Shadow in Sydney a few years ago; his show was scheduled for a club type venue (appropriate, as he's a DJ) but was moved to a warehouse-type venue due to demand. Doors open at 7 and there's a few opening acts listed on the bill; so I stand around and watch those, but the venue was completely wrong for the type of show; there was one small bar and a single DJ on a big stage just looked wrong.
DJ Shadow didn't come on until about 1:30 in the morning (last train left home was at 1:20am, so I was screwed) and by then all the energy of the room was gone and everyone just seemed to want to go home.
34. Drake, No Josh
Drake Bell, (yes, the Drake and Josh one). Also, my first concert ever. I was about 12 and my cousin won free tickets. I'm a dude, and the (tiny) audience was full of young chicks going wild for Drake. Flip phones were still a thing (Razors were still the hottest thing). In the midst of all the screaming girls started pulling their phones out, flipping them open, and typing their numbers on them and holding them up like some kind of terrible candle vigil.
The one thing I still remember that cracked me up was at one point he said "I've got a song for you all about vegetables" and some girl from the audience screamed at the top of her lungs "I love this song" and he quickly replied, "No you don't, because I just made it up backstage." That was hilarious. Then he proceeded to sing the song about vegetables which was infinitely less hilarious.
Lastly, when playing and singing he did this weird stuff with his legs. He sort of bent his knees together with the bottom of his legs far apart. Almost like /.
35. Slowly Moshing
Brand New. I love, love Brand New and have seen them a couple of times before and they were excellent. This show, however, something was off with their sound. They didn't sound great. Also, 90% of the floor turned into a giant mosh pit. When I was younger, I loved mosh pits. Now, not so much. Regardless, people were moshing to songs like "At the Bottom" and "Jesus Christ" which is ridiculous if you know those songs.
36. All Tangled Up
For some reason, in high school, I thought it would be a good idea to go to see Phantom Planet. They were the band that had the song "California," which I think played on the opening credits of that terrible show The O.C. Anyways, the concert takes place in a college gymnasium and the raised stage happens to be under a basketball hoop. The singer gets the idea to climb into the hoop and hang upside down, with his legs wrapped through the hoop. Unsurprisingly, this turned out to be a terrible idea.
He is singing like this for 20 seconds or so, then he tries to get out, but he can't because his feet are stuck in the net, so they had to stop playing and cut the net so he can get out. ಠ_ಠ
37. He’s No Jello
Dead Kennedys, Janus Landing, St. Pete, FL. This was after Brandon Cruz became the frontman. Halfway through a, frankly, terrible set, he notices his necklace is missing. He starts whining at the audience like he's going to cry about it, says it was a gift from his kids, and starts blaming the crowd for it going missing. He then yells that the band will refuse to play another song until the crowd gives his necklace back.
While he's being a little jerk, the original members look at each other, and then start playing the next song over his whines until he gives up and starts singing. The worst part was Jello was rumored to be in the venue that night, and right before Cruz's fit we could see Jello in his white suit on the side of the stage. After the cryfest we saw him walk away. Disappoint.
Screw you, Brandon Cruz, you little skeez.
38. Trailer Park Fest
Let me shake this up a bit. My brother is in a band, and his worst concert story goes a little something like this: They had been driving for about 12 hours to make it to this tiny east Texas town that had offered them a guarantee to play at their "music festival." At around sunset, they were getting nervous that they weren't going to make it in time. Their GPS told them they were very close, in that very smarmy British way that GPSs often speak in, but they figured it was wrong because they were on a small road in the middle of the Big Thicket.
Finally, they see it: A dirt road, overgrown with foliage. As they turn onto the road, they begin to understand just how bizarre their night would be. They drive past abandoned baby carriages that looked like props from Battleship Potemkin and dollhouses that could never have felt a moments happiness. The road finally led into the wooded community, which could more accurately be described as a trailer park inhabited by dementors.
They walk up to the "stage," a porch attached to a double-wide, and begin to set up. There are seven people in attendance, including the promoter and MC. I know there are seven because of how accurately my older brother described each of them. Allow me to convey his crowd's appearance: A small boy who watched from a wheelbarrow. A pregnant mother, inhaling on an e-cig, while holding a baby (I don't count the child in the womb). An elderly woman who looked identical to the old woman in Donnie Darko. A very polite Indian couple who spoke very little English.
And most importantly, the organizer/master of ceremonies: a tramp clown. After every song, he would honk his best horn while drinking a beer and inhaling on a cigar. After four songs, it began to rain and everyone went to their respective trailers. The band packed up and drove home. My brother said that all four of them cried on the drive home.
39. Ruining It for Everyone
A Day To Remember. The band were tight as ever, I was having the time of my life. I live in the UK, in Portsmouth, so it's not often than big bands come here and play smaller venues. They played the Guildhall, and all was going swimmingly...until disaster struck and killed the night in an instant. Someone decided to take a dive off the balcony of the upper seating, which is about a 15-20ft. Landed on some poor kid, both of them went out cold and were rushed to hospital.
As far as I know, they both survived. The gig was about an hour in, Jeremy told people to move out of the way of the EMTs, and said they were gonna go backstage. He seemed genuinely concerned with the well-being of these guys, because at the time we had no idea the guy had jumped on purpose. About 10 minutes of waiting and we were told we had to leave.
Everyone hung around outside to find out if the gig was going to continue but it got called. I walked home in the rain ticked as ever. Doubt they'll ever come back to my town.
40. Wake Me Up When the Fans are Gone
Green Day were playing Central Park in support of Good Morning America's Summer Concert Series. An ex-friend is a huge fan of them and was going to start waiting at midnight outside of the entrance to hopefully get first row. I don't really care much about Green Day, but I joined him, along with our other friend, who was a fan. Now, when we finally saw them perform, they were good.
It's obvious they care about their music and performing and their fans. These guys were excellent. What made the show terrible was the crowds—I still can't believe how much of a nightmare they were. Green Day has the most obnoxious, rude fans I have ever seen at any show. Security sucked too. Tons of people started showing up at around 4:00, and hovering outside of the entrance, ignoring the massive line that was being formed.
Security gave no cares about it, so good thing my friends and I stood there in line for four hours before. Once we actually entered the place, we were totally in the middle of the crowd. It was ok cause we could still see the stage, but I have never been pushed and shoved so much before the show started. It's one thing to be caught in a pit during the show, but this was like, half an hour before the band started.
I had teens behind me yelling to one another how much being there sucked and how they were going to punch as many people as possible once the show started so they can make it to the front. When the GMA people came out to do their shtick about weather reports or to interview Billie Joe, the crowd started chanting swears and "GMA sucks" etc. to try and screw up the recordings.
41. Screaming! at the Disco
Panic! at the Disco last summer. I went with my wife because I wanted to see Walk the Moon (who was great). Outdoor concert, pretty open, decent place. So, the lights go out for Panic to come out, and for the next hour or so all I heard was women screaming. It was like being at a Beatles concert in the 60s. I could barely hear the band playing, much less singing.
At least they mostly shut the heck up when they played "Bohemian Rhapsody," which was pretty cool, but otherwise, it was a waste. If I had gone just to see them I would have been furious.
42. Dang Kids!
Ugh, O.A.R. at a University campus performance before they got really well known. A friend of mine was really into them and I liked/knew maybe two of their songs. Apparently, every high school kid in the state had heard about them and showed up (we were in college at the time and I think we were all 21). Imagine going to a concert at a high school rager and that was what it was like.
Kids falling into each other too drunk to stand, trampling others at the front. Kids OBVIOUSLY 14-18. The band stopped the show multiple times, threatened to stop playing if the chaos continued—but of course, it just got worse. We were back by the soundboard watching the storm. But the worst part was Marc changing the lyrics. He's like a jam band guitar player playing the same three notes over and over again in a "solo," only he'd make these stupid free form rhymes in an attempt to be profound: time, fine, sometime, kind...seriously?
He'd go on ridiculous tangents, preaching during and between songs, and lecturing the first time-I've-ever-had-a-beer crowd. Terrible.
43. Smash Mouth? More Like Dirty Mouth!
My in-laws ended up with free tickets to a radio station sponsored concert outside of Pittsburgh, PA. It's about 1.5 hours away from where we live. The billing: Barenaked Ladies, Smash Mouth, O-Town, Jessica Simpson, LFO. My in-laws are huge BNL fans, so the plan was to show up late and catch them since they were the last act.
My wife & I show up later than everyone else. As we pull into the venue, there are signs everywhere stating that BNL have cancelled because of some family members affected by 9/11 (This was maybe a couple months after). Well dang...We go in any way since the rest of our family are already there. Jessica Simpson is ruining the Star-Spangled Banner in the background as we wander around, looking for our family.
We hear rumors that Smash Mouth will go on before O-Town, since more people are there for O-Town than Smash Mouth. Might as well see something since we've driven so far for the show. We sit down on the lawn and wait. There are techs setting up the stage for 15+ minutes. Finally, the lights go down, a man comes on stage, he's hit with a spotlight. The crowd starts clapping.
"Are you guys ready for O-Town?" Oh dang... "I said, ARE YOU GUYS READY FOR O-TOWN?" Uh oh. Teeny pop junk! And the worst part was overtly sensual dancing. A sea of 14-year-old girls watching a bunch of guys dry humping the air and singing slightly veiled innuendo. Their act ends and we breathe a sigh of relief. Another set change and Smash Mouth comes out.
Almost immediately, the lead singer shouts out, "Pittsburgh, I effing love this place!" You could hear the collective clap of parents ear-muffing their children. "How many of you guys smoke weed out there?" My wife and I start to throw our fists in the air and start to cheer, realize we are the only ones in the crowd, slowly drop our hands and look at the ground.
Worst. Concert. Ever.
44. Sick Show, Bro
Two Door Cinema Club in Richmond, VA this Fall. It was pretty bizarre. When the band finally came on, I hardly recognized the lead singer. He was so thin it looked like he was dying. At first, I thought it was drugs, but then I read an article later that said he had gotten some kind of stomach condition from stress that made him unable to eat.
That's not his fault. However, his stage presence was. He danced and acted out all the music. Honestly, it was just...embarrassing. I've liked this band since I was in high school and one of their songs got me through a bad break up, so this concert was just a huge letdown. Expensive tickets, too. Now I can't even listen to them.
45. Motoring Out of Here
Ice Cube last year. He had an hour set at a music festival and stopped 20 minutes in to show the trailer for Straight Outta Compton (which had already been out for a month by this point). Then he brought his kid out to rap with him. I walked back over to Motörhead and saw Lemmy for the last time. No regrets.
46. Sublimely Depressing
Sublime. Worst concert ever. Came on stage late, drunk and terribly high. Proceeded to slur and range all over the place with their set. It was a few months later Bradley OD'd. Whenever anyone would say, "Oh, how lucky to have seen them while he was alive," I say it wasn't lucky. It was terrible. I'd rather remember their great recorded music than have that memory.
47. Stick, No Carrot
Metallica. Albany, NY around 2007. The sound was freaking awful, but that's not the band's fault and I don't hold that against them. No, the horrible part was, at the end of the show, Lars walked around the stage (which was a square, so it was surrounded by fans) for—no freaking lie—10 minutes teasing fans with his drumsticks. He would hold them out like he was going to give them to someone, and then yank them away from people. He walked around the stage forever doing this.
Eventually, people started just flat out booing him. Loudly. So, he just frigging chucked them and left.
48. 25 Cent
50 Cent. Oh man. We lived in a small Canadian town that was predominantly white and it was a big deal to a lot of people that he was coming. Show pretty much sold out. Dude has four or five other rappers perform as opening acts and then a guy who looked like 50 Cent but didn't sound like him showed up and performed parts of songs for about 15 minutes and then walked off the stage. Literally 45-second parts of songs. It was amazing.
People speculated for months afterward that it wasn't actually him and that he ran into issues at the border.
49. Margaritaville Sucks
When I was 11 my sister and her boyfriend took me to a Jimmy Buffett concert. I was having a good time when all of a sudden I feel a warm spray on the back of my legs, I didn't think much of it...then it happened again. So, I checked to see what it was—and was absolutely horrified. The guy behind me zipping up his pants. I got freaking peed on. So, I told my sister who was next to me, she didn't believe me and said, "It's just beer, people spill beer here all the time."
Fine. My 11-year-old mind didn't want to believe it anyway. Then it happened again, I quickly turned, tapped my sister on the shoulder, low and behold the guy behind me was swaying back and forth singing along to Margaritaville with his tiny pecker out peeing on me. She yells, "OH MY GOD!" and has her boyfriend get security. They take us back to the security offices so I can get cleaned up, and I heard the security yelling at the dude for peeing on a kid.
We went back to our seats but can't say I had the best time knowing I got peed on three times. My condolences to the people who also had to experience an unwarranted golden shower. Stay strong my friends.
Sources: , ,
.jpg){kind=link}
.JPG){kind=link}
.jpg){kind=link}
.jpg){kind=link}
.jpg){kind=link}
.jpg){kind=link}
.jpg){kind=link}
.jpg){kind=link}
.jpg){kind=link}
