Kids say the darndest things, don’t they? While we all know how hilarious these innocent mini humans can be at times, some of us might be less familiar with how equally downright creepy they can be at other times. After all, imagine the creepiest thing you’ve ever heard of—and now imagine it being said or done by a child instead. Does it not instantly increase the level of spookiness by an exponential factor? But see for yourself! Here are 44 of the creepiest things children have ever said or done in the presence of their parents and guardians—whether they knew what they were doing or not.
44. Not What You Want to Hear in That Moment...
When my special needs son was 10 years old, he had to have a very serious surgery. It was an 8-hour procedure and a pretty risky operation. We did not tell him these risks. Right before they wheeled him into surgery, he hugged me and said "Goodbye. Forever..." He made it through and his quality of life was dramatically improved by the surgery. Scariest eight hours of my life though.
43. Thank you for Your Service, Young Man!
My three-year-old grandson has babbled about plane crashes since he started talking. Early this summer, I was reading him a bedtime story. I pause and look up at him, and he says "Granny, I was a pilot, my plane was the Kitty Hawk. I crashed into the water when they shotted off my wing and shotted off my face." It almost stopped my heart. He looked so troubled and sad. I told him that he had done his best and I was very proud of him, and that he was only a little boy now and need not worry about that—but that if he needed to talk about it, he could anytime. I just hugged him. I researched and Kitty Hawks were used by almost every country early in WWII. So I guess my grandson was a WWII fighter pilot in his previous life?
42. I’d Just Let It Go
"I want to watch Frozen, but only the part where the parents die in a shipwreck."—my kid.
41. Retreat!!
My three-year-old daughter was going through the monsters under her bed phase. It lasted for weeks, and it was really wearing on her mom and me. One night after mom tried to put her to bed, she tagged me in. After 30 minutes, I grew pretty frustrated. In a last ditch attempt, I promised my daughter that there weren't any monsters under her bed. She replied, "I know. Now, they're behind you." After that, I let her sleep with us for a week.
40. Breakfast in Bed
This morning I was lying in bed and my two-year-old came up and put her face right up to mine. I thought maybe she wanted a kiss. Then she said "Mama, I want to eat your eyes please."
39. He’s Definitely Got Somewhere to Be
I was tucking in my two-year-old. He said, "Goodbye dad." I said, "No, we say good night." He said, "I know, but this time, it’s goodbye." Had to check on him a few times to make sure he was still there...
38. Mama’s Boy
When my oldest son was about three years old, he said: "Mommy, I like you better than my fake mommy." Naturally, I asked, "Who's your fake mommy?" He replied "You can't see her. She tucks me in after you do." Okay then…
37. Just an Old Inside Joke With the Placenta
My three-day-old infant was sleeping with rapid eye movements—dreaming. I watched her crack a smile, which deepened and turned into a belly laugh. What does a three-day-old infant possibly have to dream about that cracks them up?
36. Unique Sense of Humor...
A friend’s four-year-old son said “Uncle S (me) is gonna die in the water! He’s gonna fall from a bridge and die in the water!” He then walked out of the room laughing.
35. Fur the Love of Dog!
My 12-year-old comes up to me visibly shaken and says that she thinks she saw someone in the bathroom. I asked her to clarify and she said when she walked past, it looked like someone ducked into the shower. Mind you, it was just her and myself at home at that time, since my husband was at work. So, we have our dog, Rango, follow me to the hallway where the bathroom is. My adrenaline is pumping hard. I stop a few feet away from the door and look at Rango. He looks at me and I point to the bathroom. I kid you not, he understood loud and clear what I wanted. He looks at the bathroom and slowly and carefully stalked towards the door with the fur on his back raised. When I saw him react like this, I was convinced someone was in there and my heart started racing. Turned out there was no one in there, and Rango just looked at me like "Really?" and did that huff thing dogs do through their nose, somewhat irritated. I still have no idea why my daughter said/did that!
34. Silence is Golden
At about three am, I wake up to find my six-year-old son just standing next to my side of the bed, staring at me motionless. It was a very tense moment up to the point when I finally asked him very easily "You ok, son??" He then came back with "I can’t sleep," but I still wonder how long he stood there before I woke up…
33. Scaredy Cat
When I was about three years old we had a cat that had stillborn kittens. I asked my father if we could make crosses for them, which he did. As he was making them, I asked: "Aren't those too small?" He said, "What do you mean?" I replied, "Aren't we going to nail them to them?" After several moments silence, he said: "We're not going to do that." "Oh."
32. You Can Take the Boy Out of the Helicopter, But You Can’t Take the Helicopter Out of the Boy
I was asking my three-year-old if he remembered being born, then I got to asking him if he remembered what happened before he was born. Without missing a beat or any prompting from me other than the question, he goes "I was in a helicopter that goes round and round and round then BOOM into the ground!"
31. I’m a Rocket Man
I was sitting with a kid once near a campfire and he seemed to be lost in thoughts. I asked what he is thinking about. This six-year-old said: "I wish I was high up in space and the whole world was on fire. That would be beautiful."
30. Background Check
"Mommy, will you ever hurt me with a knife?" my infant asked. Obviously, I told her no. She followed up with, "Okay, good. I know some moms do that!" She was three years old when this happened. She had never seen videos or anything that showed child abuse, so I'm not sure how she was aware that some parents hurt their kids. She’s also never been abused by anyone.
29. Just a Little PSA
I was on a bus recently and we were stopped outside a walk-in clinic. A little girl in the seat in front of me turned around and said, "Death is the poor man's doctor." And that was that!
28. Planning for the Future
My three-year-old son said, "Next time I'm a baby, I want to have green eyes." I asked him if he had been a different baby before being who he currently is, and he squinted his eyes, looked at me like I was an idiot, and said, "Yes, papa."
27. Skin in the Game
I was sound asleep, and at around six am I was woken up by my four-year-old daughter’s face just inches away from mine. She looked right into my eyes and whispered, "I want to peel all your skin off." The backstory here is I had been sunburned the previous week and was starting to peel. In my sleep-addled state, however, it was pretty terrifying for a few seconds. I didn't know if I was dreaming, or what was going on.
26. Say Cheese!
My niece was about four years old when I heard her laughing in my room. I walked in and asked her what she was doing. She said, "Chucky says if you stick your fingers in your eyes they come out of your mouth." Then she told me Chucky lived underground. Still gives me chills.
25. Just Making Conversation
My oldest kept talking in his bed, even hours past bedtime. When we asked him who he was talking to, he said he was talking to the floating white lady. I don't remember the description he gave us, but what I DO remember is kid #3 doing the same exact routine, eight years later…
24. Something to Remember You By
My son has made so many comments about his plans of keeping my body when I die, I've considered specifically putting info into the will to make sure it doesn't ever happen.
23. Breaking News!
When my son was three years old, he had an existential crisis. He had just discovered death and, every night as I was going to sleep, he would fixate on the fact that everyone is going to die. Despite being a lifelong atheist, I found myself talking to him about heaven, just hoping something would reassure him and make him worry less and maybe go to sleep for a few hours. But this nightly anxiety attack over the inevitability of death went on for months. One night, I've calmed him down and he's quiet for a long time. I think he's finally asleep and I'm about to tiptoe out of the room, when loud and clear he screams out: "MAMA WILL DIE TOMORROW!!" I knew this was just his latest bout of worry, but he said it with such conviction I spent the whole next day holding my breath. Maybe he knew something I didn't!
22. Considerate of Everyone, Even If They Don’t Exist
When I was three years old, we moved into a new home. We were eating dinner in our big, somewhat creepy new house when I apparently stopped and stared at the ceiling. My parents ask if everything's okay. I shush them and reply "We have to be quiet. We don't want to wake up Marcus." Well, we don't know any Marcus—so my parents silently freak out thinking maybe I saw a "ghost" or something. Long story short, when I used to visit my uncle’s place back then, he would tell me to stay quiet cause his neighbor (Marcus) lived above them, so I guess I just assumed every unfamiliar house had a Marcus of its own. Definitely spooked my parents good though!
21. Future New York Times Bestseller
When my oldest daughter was in kindergarten, she wrote and illustrated her first book—titled “I Hope You Die in a Fire.”
20. I’m Drawing a Blank
I was driving home my three-year-old son, totally quiet, him just staring out the window...until he randomly asks "Hey dad, remember that time we all died in a fire?"
19. I Think It’s Time for “Bye Bye Bye”!
My toddler went through a phase where she would just constantly say “Hi” to things. "Hi hi hi hi hi hi," all day long. One day, it came out sounding more like "Die die die die die." So I ask her, "What's that you're saying?" And she turns to face me and just whispers "Diiiieeeeeee......."
18. Chairy On Top
I heard my 1-year-old's high chair move even though nobody was near it. I asked my three-year-old, "What was that?" and he said while pointing to the chair, "What is SHE doing here!?"
17. Trouble Down Under
My kid's Catholic school is over 100 years old. There is a basement under the gym that's used for storage. I was subbing once and, during recess, one of the kickballs rolled down the stairs. A little girl was standing at the top of the stairs yelling "Just throw it up to me." I went over and asked who she was talking to and she replied "That big man at the bottom of the stairs!" I went down and there was nobody there. There was no other way in and hardly anyone ever even went down there. I asked some of the other kids if they have seen the man before and they said: "Yes, but Sister told us not to talk to him." I asked them to describe this "sister" and they described a nun. There haven't been nuns at the school in 40 years...
16. Poor Word Choice Much?
My four-year-old son had a habit of announcing when he had to use the bathroom. He would say "I gotta go potty." One time, he makes his business known and heads off toward the bathroom. He returns seconds later and says "There's already someone in the bathroom." Now, I do know for a fact that it's just the two of us home—so the hair stands up on my neck. I ask him, "What do you mean?" He repeats, "There's already someone in the bathroom." So I grab the biggest knife I can find and tell him to stay here. I walk to the bathroom, take a wide angle to see in. Nobody in sight. Slowly and quietly, I walk toward the shower and pull back the curtain. Nothing. By now, my son has walked around the corner and I ask him "Where did you see the person?" He points to the unflushed toilet and says "See, someone’s already here." His big brother didn't flush the toilet…
15. You’re Scaring Me!
When my son was about 5 years old, he started having night terrors. Eyes wide open, he would stare into an abyss of his own invention and scream with the chilling ferocity of hell itself. I would hold him and rock his rigid little body until he loosened back to sweaty deep sleep. What I never told my husband or the pediatrician, or even my mother, was that I was afraid of him during those nighttime bouts of what looked and felt like nothing less than possession. I was afraid of my own sweet child and wanted to run away.
14. He Knows Too Much
I pulled out a wad of money one day. My little kid promptly yelled “STRIPPERS!!!” Not sure who taught him that…
13. Next Time Stick to Sesame Street
Me when I was a kid: "Mommy, look what I learned!" *Inserts tongue into mom’s mouth during goodnight kiss.* "I learned it from a movie! It means you love someone!" Mom calmly gets up without saying a word and walks to her room. I still cringe pretty damn hard whenever I remember doing that.
12. Devil in Disguise
He started refusing to go downstairs, saying there was an evil “angel man” down there that wanted to hurt the whole family. He consistently drew the same picture of said angel man too. Who knows what that was really about…
11. Evil Laugh
It’s one in the morning. I’m fast asleep with my wife in the living room reading. All of the sudden, the baby monitor is blaring my 16-month-old son’s laughter into my ear. So I jump up, run into his room, and he’s standing in his crib pointing at the corner of the room and giggling hysterically. I just stared at him for a few seconds before I grabbed him and put him in bed with me.
10. The Sky’s the Limit
I have twin daughters. One day while playing outside, one looked up at the sky and said, "The sky is cracked, and it’s on fire!" My other daughter looked up and said, "Yes, the people are screaming!" Then they went back to playing with dolls. Fingers crossed they're not predicting the future, everybody!
9. The Silence of the Bunnies
My oldest daughter occasionally sleepwalks. A few weeks ago, she came out of her room and entered the living room where me and the wife were watching TV. I asked her what was wrong and all she said was “The rabbits won't stop screaming.” Then she turned around and went back to her room. Not gonna lie, it creeped us out…
8. How Do You Say “What the Heck” in French?
The flat we live in belonged to my husband's grandmother, who died long before I was ever in the picture. He was 18 years old when she died and instead of selling it, he just moved in with some of his buddies, then I moved in, and then, later on, they moved out. My son will often talk to himself, mostly babbling while he's playing alone but sometimes in full on conversations. We're also trying to teach him English—so if he says something in French, I'll ask him to repeat it in English for me. One day, he announces: "Grandma doesn't like it when I speak English. She says it's an ugly language." I just sort of laughed it off, and my husband asked him if she had a problem with mommy's accent. "No, she said Americans you can understand at least, not like when you had that friend from Liverpool stay here." There was a Scouser (a guy from Liverpool) that lived with them for a few weeks when it was him and his roommates, some friend of a friend who was looking for a flat. I didn't even know about the guy, and there's no way my son would.
7. Brotherly Love
My three-year-old daughter stood next to her newborn brother, looked at him for a while, then turned to me and said, "Daddy, it’s a monster! We should bury it."
6. I’m Scared to Ask What He Thinks Will Happen to Me...
A few weeks ago, I was getting breakfast ready for my three-year-old when he nonchalantly told me his Grandma fell down the stairs. About an hour later, Grandpa calls us to tell us Grandma had fallen down the stairs. Also last weekend, he said my sister was going to visit the next day. Guess who showed up the next day for a “surprise” visit…
5. The Party is Just Getting Started
My little nephew went through this phase of being absolutely terrified of going to sleep in his room. I babysat a couple of times during this phase—we basically had to sit beside his bed and help him fall asleep, and he'd usually wake up shortly after you left the room and start crying. His reason? "The big dark scary man standing in the corner with red eyes doesn't want me to sleep."
4. Skin and Bones
Once, when my toddler was hugging me, he quietly said “I promise I won’t eat your bones.” Oh, uh... much obliged!"
3. That Escalated Quickly
The following is an exchange that took place between me and my neighbor’s kid: "Hey mister, whatcha doin’!?" "Bringing in the groceries, dude." "Can I come inside your house?" "Oh, nah buddy. I'm busy, and your mom would wonder where you went, I don't think she'd like that too much." "You mean I really can't?" "Yeah bud. Sorry. Maybe another time when your mom knows where you're at." "I... I'm gonna use my gun and put a virus in your brain so that you die!" "I uh....ya. Alrighty then. Welp, groceries! Bye bye now!"
2. Little Brother Sick
When my cousin was two, her mom got pregnant again. One day she went to hug her mom's belly and said, "Little brother sick." A few days later she had a miscarriage.
1. I'd Rather You Didn't
My six-year-old daughter was in the passenger seat a few days ago and looked at me and said, "Dad, when I'm seven I'm going to kill you. No wait, when I'm eight." I asked, "How are you going to do that?" She smiled and said, "I'm gonna drive over your head with this car."
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